N the Little

Last night was our first real night with our Little since the initial meeting. I debate about whether or not to post his name. I don't think it would matter, but just being in the program and all, I don't know if there are certain rules or what. Anyway, so I'll call him N, by his first initial for now. We'll probably be taking him most Thursday evenings from here on out for 4 hours or so. I can officially say that kid wore me out! But I think it was in a good way. Working on a 3d puzzle, eating pizza and Dibs icecream, followed by sprinting around the neighborhood with our dogs, (while trying to keep the pizza and Dibs down), working on the puzzle some more, playing outside with the dogs, playing Hide-N-Seek (yes, in our 700 square foot home), playing 20 questions....oh my goodness it was jam packed. (Well, for Jesse and I at least.) It's funny, I forget how kids view "adults". To most adults, Jesse and I are young, but not to N! We have a photo of us on the fridge that we took about 2 or 3 years ago. N sees it and says "Oh, is that like you guys when you were in your 20's or something?" Were? I'm not even half way in yet! Guess we must be pretty old in his mind! Anyway, despite the exhaustion and near puking up of the pizza and ice cream, I think it was a really good night. After hearing our case worker make the comment that some boys don't want a Big Couple because that would mean they have to hang out with a girl, I have been really worried about what I can offer a 9 year old boy. Last night helped ease some fears though. N told Jesse "I wanted a Big Couple and that's what I got!". His brother apparently wanted one too, "but he only got a Big Brother". N suggested that maybe one night he should hang out with Jesse and another night he should hang out with me, so he can "get to know us seperately", he said. I think he just likes knowing that he has the attention of 2 people instead of one!! That really eased my fears and assured me that I wasn't the lame part of this deal after all. It may still take me a bit to feel fully confident in this, but I am getting there.

Victoria

This March will be Jesse and my's 5th anniversary. Now, I know 5 years in the big scheme of things isn't really that long of time to be married, but I can't believe it's already been 5 whole years! In honor of our big 5, we've been talking about how we will celebrate. It's funny, because I remember when we were very first married living in Tennessee. A couple in our small group was having their anniversary. We excitedly asked "Oh, are you going to do anything special?" to which they replied, "Nah, we'll probably have Dairy Queen Blizzards". We smiled to their face, but mocked them in private, saying we would never be that lame and would always do something special. (I know, we're such snots.) Well, our 1st anniversay rolled around in Texas, and we had just gotten back from leading the team to Nicaragua. Not only were we just tired from the two months previous, but we were also so busy wrapping things up with the training program, filling out student evaluations, and making airport schedules. We said "We'll celebrate later". Well, later never really came. I find that later never does, no matter what it pertains to. Our next few anniversaries certainly served us right for being so cocky and judging the couple in Tennesse, because money was always "too tight" to buy each other presents, or we'd both be working and we'd once again say "later". We had become the dreaded Dairy Queen couple! Gasp! This year, we decided it's time to break the cycle! We have been looking into a 3 or 4 day vacation to Victoria sometime in March. I am very excited about seeing B.C. I think it will be a very good "walking around and looking" vacation. They apparently have a very early spring, so there should be lots in bloom. Plus, bike rentals or kayak rentals for a day maybe...China town...the ferry ride to get there...the harbor...good stuff (or at least that's what I'm anticipating). Plus, Jesse gets a discount through United to a nice hotel right on the harbor, and we all know I do love a good deal.

We had our first "real vacation" together last December and it was a very fun time. I don't think I ever posted any pictures, so in anticipation of Victoria, here's a look back at Florida! (The photos aren't that good because I took a photo of a photo...don't have the original digital file.)

Our Little

Last night we met our "Little". He's 9 (going on 10 in just a few weeks). We went to his house, where we met his mom and our caseworker. Then we filled out agency rules/regulations, all that jazz. And lastly, we got to take him out for a quick 45 minutes. It went by very fast. We went to Winstead's, had sundaes, and asked him lots of questions about stuff he likes. His older brother was also meeting his Big for the first time, so they were there too. When we first got there, one of the boys mentioned Star Wars, and both boys got all excited about Star Wars and this video game. The other Big that was there also knew all about it so they were all talking excitedly. Jesse and I know nothing about Star Wars (nor do we really even like it) or video games. As this conversation is happening, I was just thinking Oh crap. What have we done? We don't know anything that 9 year old boys like. What if we are totally lame to this kid? What are we going to have in common?... and slightly freaking out. One of our biggest fears about the whole thing was finding a kid who would at least be into some stuff that we are, and would actually like us. Most profiles are for kids who like sports, video games, tv...none of which Jesse and I really do, so we were worried about this. Anyway, so it started off a bit overwhelming for us (well, me at least - Jesse can speak for himself). All in all though, I think it's going to be really good. I realized that just because I can't hold my own in a debate about which light saber or fighting technique to use in Whatever Wars Two Something Game, doesn't mean that this kid can't totally have a blast with us, and that we can't influence his life for the better. I realized that he gets his fair share of Star Wars and video games at home, so we can offer experiences that he would otherwise never have - taking him ice skating (which he said he really wants to do..yay!), playing with clay, teaching him how to use power tools (gentle ones at first, of course), showing him how to change the oil in a car, stuff like that, which he is highly unlikely to be exposed to at home. I do struggle a bit with where my place is in it though. We chose to be a Big Couple instead of each having our own Little, which meant that we would have a little boy. So, Jesse's place is clear, in that he has a chance to become this child's male role model, being that he doesn't have a Dad around. For me, I'm still figuring out my place. It may have something to do with marriage in general. Recently, through some of my classes, I have realized that I fight a spiritual battle simply by being and maintaining a happy and healthy marriage. There are few in the world compared to lousy ones, broken ones, or divorced ones. Simply showing the world, (especially a child who has seen everything but), that marriage can work must surely count for something. And I know that I don't even necessarily need to have some grand purpose or do some amazing thing in this kid's life, but still, even in my daily life, I find myself constantly searching for a reason and purpose, and feeling lost and sad without one. I know I can't save the whole world, but surely in my little corner of it, I can make things look a bit brighter. Maybe I am still figuring out how to do that - and especially now, in context of this new relationship.

Stop the Traffik

This is Justice For Children International's Abolitionist logo. I'm on their list of "Abolitionists", and as such, I get monthly e-mails with news regarding issues of human traffiking, as well as ideas for ways that I can take action each month. This month, JFCI is asking Abolitionists to sign the Stop the Traffik Declaration. It's a petition that will be delivered to the UN and different governments after Freedom Day on March 25, 2007, and is obviously set up to put pressure on the UN and governments to take more action to stop human traffiking. If you'd like to join in, it's as simple as clicking here and adding your name to the list. I trust that this is legite, as Jesse and I know the founder of JFCI and totally trust him and the organization.

The Barfing Has Begun

So for all those interested in our dog's diet....which I'm guessing is probably one to none....we finally took the plunge and started Horton and Abe on the BARF diet yesterday. Horton is quite happy about it. I've never seen him eat so fast and happily, and then try to steal Abe's food too. The pic below is of him sniffing all around the floor and trying to find some more goodness. This morning when I grabbed his bowl to feed them breakfast, he stared intently at me licking his chops and wagging his tail. Abe is a little more catious. We've been giving them chicken, with cottage cheese and green beans mixed up. Oddly enough, Abe likes the cottage cheese and green beans better than the meat. The picture of him is his first try at the chicken, which of course, he chose to pull out of his bowl and onto the kitchen floor. Needless to say, the Lysol has been close at hand lately. We are really hoping that this diet will help stop Horton's allergy breakouts. We've heard it's supposed to be great for dogs with allergies and skin problems in general, but I'm slow to fully believe the miracle stories we've heard until we see how our dogs do on it.

The other picture (Sorry it's not very good - I had just showered and was in my pj's, so it's looking through our front window.) is of our new tree and freshly seeded lawn. Yesterday we worked most of the afternoon planting the tree, laying down seed and straw, and watering. The tree is an Autum Blaze Maple. It's supposed to be fast growing and strong. Let's hope that is true. We would really like some shade on the house. The only thing I'm not too sure about is the other plants in the yard. After this tree starts getting big, I will have to transplant a lot of the other stuff, because most of the plants up there are supposed to have full sun. I don't really know what I'm doing, but it's fun digging up stuff and planting, so for now, it's working quite well.

The other happy thing is that we are officially matched with our Little. We get to meet him and his mom Thursday evening. It's working out really well because he also has a brother who was in the system, but didn't have a match either. Jesse and I felt bad that one would get matched and not the other, but it turns out that someone just picked his brother's profile last week, and he is also getting a Big. His brother and his brother's Big are also going to be meeting for the first time on Thursday. We're very happy about that, for obvious reasons, but especially because the profile mentioned that the sibling rivalry is quite intense between the two.

Bigs and Littles

So after Jesse got accepted to BBBS, we were pretty excited and thinking we would get to see some profiles within a week or so. Not so much. We hadn't heard anything for about a month, so I e-mailed our case manager guy to inquire. I know that our "interests" are probably harder to match than some other people's, being that most little boys are really into watching sport and stuff, and we aren't, but there are apparently a few hundred kids on the waiting list, so I figured surely at least one kid would have some of the same interests as us! Anyway, so I e-mailed and just asked if there were any potentials coming up...lo and behold, a couple days later, we have 2 profiles that were done way back when. I think maybe we had been forgotten. Anyway, so we picked one, but there may be a slight schedule conflict, so we aren't sure if it will work out or not. Unfortunately, with Jesse's new schedule there are only two nights a week that we could meet with a Little - both weekdays. The profile we picked said he was mainly open on weekends, but it was done back in February, so we're hoping his schedule has changed since then. Our case manager was going to call his mom to check on the scheduling, and then if he's open, will give the mom and the Little our profile. Then they decide if they accept us or not and we go from there. We should (at least I'm assuming) know this coming week. I think it will be a lot of fun if things work out.

In the meantime, I will be on a mission to revive our front lawn. The neighborhood goes a little like this....green, green, green, green, BROWN, green, green, green... The brown would be us. Jesse was chatting with a neighbor the other day and he pointed to our lawn and mentioned "It gets that way every summer since such and such company came to spray it." I don't know if they overfertilized and burned up the roots or what. It at least made me feel better that we didn't just kill the lawn all on our own this summer. It apparently revives in the fall some, but we plan to give it a good power rake and then reseed to see if we can keep it through the summer next year.

News

Jesse has been putting me to shame with his photo a day stuff, so I figured it's about time for me to blog as well. I started the new job this week. I only work M-W, so I will have the end of the week to focus on my school work and get all of that done in time. I think it's going to work out well for scheduling. The other day when I got home from work, Jesse had the tent set up. It looked cozy in there, so I grabbed a pillow and crawled in. Shortly thereafter, I heard some heavy breathing. Big Abe was peering into the tent and wanted to come join me. He even shared my pillow.

Stuff

Well, I officially start a new job on Monday. Office work at a furniture store. This semester has started off a lot smoother than last, so hopefully I'll be able to transition back to work without any major stress. I'm anticipating the start of Jesse's new full time schedule and looking forward to the switch so that he can have a full night's sleep instead of 3 hours here, and 4 hours there...not to mention less of these random 14 or 15 hour work days. Hopefully this fall we will finally get into a rhythm!

Otherwise, I've been reading up on different trees and bushes. We are hoping to get some things planted in the yard this fall and next spring to help shade the house and give some sun relief to our brown grass. I am sure Horton and Abe will enjoy having new things to pee on! Speaking of which, I'm also looking at pavers or mulch to put in the areas that they have officially designated as their "bathroom". I found these concrete molds that appear like cobblestone, which I'm pretty interested in. It would be a lot more work than just buying pre-made pavers, but it would save some money and could be fun project. We'll see. Also on the list is redoing the bathroom and kitchen...pending the finances...so basically, not anytime soon!

I get more excited to finish my degree every day, partially because that means we won't be taking out any more student loans! I know I still have a while, but it's nice to think about anyway. I've been researching grad programs and trying to narrow down what I want to focus on. Funny, seems like "psychology" is a focus in and of itself, but within that, there's clinical psychology, social psychology, school psychology, psychology with an emphasis in research, blah blah blah. Right now, I am particularly interested in school psychology. Basically, I'd be a psychologist who also studied the education system. I think I've narrowed it down that I want to focus on kids, but I don't want to set up my own practice or necessarily work in a clinical setting. Ideally (at least right now that is), I'd like to work in an elementary school or team up with organizations like JFCI who do after care for the kids that they have helped rescue from brothels. The pitfall there is that often, after care is preferably done by someone of the same nationality and culture. On the other hand, while the education system doesn't particularly interest me, the big advantage of school psychology would be that I would have access to all kids, not just ones who are in therapy or have been "labeled" with a disorder. The downfalls of this, or at least what I worry about if I happen to go this route, is that it is very specialized, which would kind of limit job opportunities. Not every school district has the funding to staff a school psychologist, and I'm quite afraid that if the specific "school psychologist" position is not open, that I would be disqualified for other positions in the district due to being "over-educated" (which, by the way, who even thought up that concept!? How is that possible!?). I have just been hearing from some people that getting a PhD comes with it's drawbacks in that many employers believe you are "over-qualified", and thus won't hire you, even if you want the job. (How can anyone ever be overqualified? You would think that would be a good thing.) Whatever the case, maybe I will end up finding a master's program I like better, or who knows, maybe I will find a job that I enjoy with just a bachelors. Also speaking of this, there is so much stinking jargon in the college education system it's ridiculous! I didn't know what half these acronyms and terms meant until I started back to school. Grad School, BS, BA, MBA....blah blah blah blah...where did these terms come from anyway? Bachelor of whatever...sound like we're all single men.

Life

Do you ever have moments where you realize you are an adult? I mean, at what age are you actually a "grown up"? The other day, I had one of those light bulb moments where I caught a glimpse of something profound, only to have it disappear faster than it came, and I could not place into words exactly what I had just discovered. It had something to do with life and aging, and realizing that my life is actually happening, right now. Maybe most days I keep waiting for it to happen, thinking it hasn't quite begun yet. I guess I feel like I am still flipping around figuring out life. But, I'm in the middle of making my career (studying/preparing for it, that is). I am a homeowner. I'm on my second house in fact. I'm married. I have two dogs and I am old enough to raise children. Those are adult things - very adult things. And here I am doing them (well, most of them - no I'm not pregnant). It's like I must be an imposter. The real me surely isn't prepared for those types of responsibilities, I think. Yet, this person (me) is living life and doing all those thing, which must mean, my life is happening.

This probably isn't making any sense at all, but trust me...it's deep and profound...lol!

Time Flies

Well, tomorrow I start another semester and this break between classes has flown! I thought I would post a quick update before things get busy again. The book review may be on permanent hiatus. It depends how busy this semester ends up being. We didn't take the cleaning job. We actually didn't even go to the interview. The day that it was scheduled for, Jesse found out that there is a good chance he may be able to go full time at United. We won't know for sure until this coming week, but figured it was worth risking the cleaning job to hold out in hopes that the full time thing there works out. Hopefully we will know this coming week for sure. Anyway, that means, I am back looking for something else part time. What else...oh, Horton had his yearly vet appointment and we are happy to report that he is very healthy (well, besides his crazy food allergies). We are highly considering changing to the BARF diet. It stands for "biologically appropriate raw food". Basically, the idea behind it is that dogs were not meant to eat kibble, which contains high amounts of grain, but rather, they were created to eat raw meat and things like that. So, you basically buy chicken carcasses and things like that, and feed that to them, with the occasional smushed up veggies and cottage cheese and such all blended up together (apparently, it simulates eating whatever is inside the stomach of the dog's prey). Gross, I know. But, when you think about wolves and doggie ancestors, it actually makes a lot of sense. We've heard that it can really help dogs with allergies, as well as other ailments. It just may be worth a shot. If it goes terribly, there will always be more kibble in the world to fall back on, eh!? Anyway, that is about all the excitement going on down here. Jealous, aren't you?

Not So Far Away

When you hear human trafficking, you normally think "Thailand", "Cambodia", or other Asian countries, but you certainly don't think "America". Think again - check out this link.

Eye Candy

Thought it was about time for something a little more visual in the midst of my long rantings of gender roles and book reviews!



Jesse got some more new camera toys (courtesy of some very generous friends). This photo, believe it or not, was taken in broad daylight. Jesse had me "assisting" him while he played with his new toys.

Chapter Four

I looked at the calendar today and realized that my classes start on Monday again. Wow, it's flown by. In any case, I figured I better post another chapter. Once school starts back up again, I don't know how much time I will have to blog. Hopefully more this semester than last. I also may be starting a job soon. With Jesse too actually. We interviewed at least a month ago to clean office buildings a couple nights a week. They take "teams" or "partners", so we figured it would be something we could together to help with the bills, but still see each other. Me trying to find a job that fits with Jesse's odd schedule is nearly impossible and when we were working opposite hours, it really drained us, so hopefully this will be a good solution. We have to go in later this week to discuss the details and decide whether or not we want to accept. I think as long as the pay isn't completely terrible, we will accept. I really have no idea how much cleaning jobs pay, and minimum wage down here is a joke right now at 5.15 an hour. We'll see! Anyway, this is a good lead in to chapter four....."How His Need to Provide Weighs Your Man Down, and Why He Likes it That Way".

I think this sentence sums up the chapter well - For a man, bringing home a paycheck is love talk, pure and simple. He has something to prove ("I can take care of you, I am worthy of you") and he wants to deliver. The chapter also points out that providing is a key area where men are constantly aware of the risk of failure. One guy that the author interviewed, whose business is in trouble said "Every day, with every step I take, I feel like my skin is being flayed off." That is a pretty extreme feeling, and seems making money isn't really the issue - it's more of an issue of how not making money affects men. Seems that for men, to be a good husband, a good father, a good man, is to provide. Quite clearly, if a job loss occurs or a business starts struggling, it's not really the money that hurts, but the man's sense of worth.

I won't argue with that point, but I do ask "why?" Did God actually create men with this internal drive to provide, or is this something that our society has created that leads us into unhealthy views? For example, women are now in the workforce more than they used to be, and many are out-earning their husbands. As such, some families are making the decision for the woman to be the breadwinner and the man to be a stay at home Dad. Many people believe this is wrong. But, if the family is really happy that way and it works for them, why is it wrong? Is it just because it's different, so people gasp at it? Does the Bible lay clear lines that a man must be the one to provide or did society? I don't know. I haven't really looked or done Biblical research on the topic. I do know though, that the old go to for women, the "Proverbs 31 woman", is really a description of a business woman. A large portion of the verses are devoted to describing her work, not her home life. I also think that people used to think the world was flat, and people used to drill into skulls of the mentally ill, believing it would release evil spirits, and beyond that, people have done a whole slew of things "in the name of God", which we now look back at, and gasp. But for their time and society, it was the "godly way". I am sure we are likewise, unfortunately, capable of sending message and doing things that are wrong in the name of God. I'm not saying I think gender roles are wrong, but I am questioning if they are truly from God, or something we just made up. Is is really of God for men to feel such pressure to provide and such a great sense of loss and agony if they cannot? Maybe. Maybe not. I don't know.

One last thing on this topic...I will be vague with this so as not to give away specifically who I am talking about, but there is a family that Jesse and I used to be very close to and still are in a sense. The husband worked incredibly long hours, and was often away on business. He was nuts about his family, talked about them often, and would mention to Jesse and I, things such as "All this work, all these trips, I'm doing it for them." For him, providing for his family meant "I love you". Interesting though, because when we'd chat with his wife, her comments were more along the lines of "He's just a paycheck. We never see each other. It's no wonder we aren't divorced." Seeing both sides was/is terribly tragic. This man is in love with his wife, crazy about her, yet his expression of love is not really meeting any of her needs, except the physical ones of having a roof over her head, food on her table. Relationships almost seem to be not about how much you actually care for the other person, but about how well you can communicate that you care.

Thieves on the Move

Those darn squirrels are at it again. They've sucked my garden dry - literally, there are no tomatoes left. I got one total this summer. There were at least 20 on the vines. After Jesse got that photo of the squirrel in action, the following week, I saw 4 incidences of robbery in action where the squirrels were running off with my tomatoes. Well, now that they have exhausted that resource, they are on the move again. This morning, I looked out the kitchen window because Abe was barking up a storm. What do my eyes behold, but a tiny little squirrel running from the neighbor's apple tree, up a pole, and jumping into a tree, all the while clutching a precious little apple. I would warn the neighbors, but it's the ones that don't talk to us. No doubt their tree will be appleless within two weeks if these pesky little guys keep at it! Next year, the tomato plants will be in containers on my deck so that Horton and Abe can be the official tomato plant bouncers.

Chapter Three

The author sums it all up at the beginning of the chapter - Despite their "in control" exterior, men often feel like impostors and are insecure that their inadequacies will be discovered. This chapter really didn't seem like any news flash. Of course men are insecure, as are most people in general. I don't think it's really a gender split as if this is just a male issue. I guess maybe guys are less likely to admit their insecurities, while women will often freely talk about them among each other.

One good point that I do think the author makes though, is how deeply men want affirmation, and often, if they feel like a failure at home, they'll spend longer hours elsewhere, where they feel more confident - whether that's at work, or playing a sport with some friends. The point behind that is that if we want more involved fathers and husbands, then we should be people who build them up. Fair enough, right?

There is a paragraph or two in this chapter that I struggle with. Here's one:

During my clinical research for "The Lights of Tenth Street", several experts told me that a chronic lack of affection is one reason so many men slip into pornography addiction. For whatever reason, they feel like less than a man, so they seek - and find! - affirmation in pornography. As one man pointed out, "All those women in the men's magazines convey one message 'I want you, and you are the most desirable man in the world.' My wife may be nagging me at home, the kids may be disobedient, and I may be worried about messing up at work, but looking at the woman in the picture makes me feel like a man."

If affirmation is indeed everything, why should a man have to look for it in other places when he has a wife who loves and respects him?

Stop right there...that last sentence is the one that I wrestle with. "Why should a man have to...?" Pardon my nit-picking ways, but excuse me? No man HAS TO. It is a choice. I get upset because girls grow up hearing this stuff, just small one-liners here and there, especially as they approach the teen years, and men, to me, get excused for acting in a manner that completely and totally disrespects and degrades women, as well as themselves. As if pornography is a woman-created sin, because wives are not being supportive enough. Give me a break. It's like we're living the days of Pandora's box. I really believe that this line of thinking supports not just pornography addictions, but rapes and spousal abuse as well. They are totally linked. Think about why so many rapes go unreported - the man sits there and tells the woman "It's your fault. You were just asking for it by the way you were acting...." At it's core, the message we are sending is "if she doesn't treat you how you want to be treated, then it's okay to do whatever it takes to make you feel like a man." I understand that affairs and pornography and whatever else may be more tempting when things are not right between a husband and wife, but even so, I think we've got to change the message we are sending both men and women about pornography and sex in general.

That was a bit of a side note...back to chapter three! Basically, all nit-picking aside, the positive message that this chapter sends is that unconditional love, support, and acceptance in the form of both private and public praise will do wonders to build a man's self-esteem and give him the courage to chase after his goals in the home and outside of the home. Again though, I feel like that's not just a male thing, but a human thing.

Chapter One/Two

Chapter one is mainly background about the book and a general overview, so I'm not going to review it.

Chapter two, however, is in my opinion, one of the highlight chapters of the book. The basic message: Men need to be and feel respected. After reading the chapter, and talking with Jesse, I was floored at what some of my comments mean to him, and how they disrespect him. Jesse and I used to joke about this guy who gave us the advice to play "drive through". Basically, you say something, then you ask the spouse to say what they just heard. Kind of like giving your order at McDonald's. The speaker is a bit fuzzy and sometimes, you aren't quite sure if you are going to get the fries that you ordered, or if you're going to end up with a McFish Sandwich that makes you want to puke. For as corny as it sounds, it's actually a good thing if implemented. Anyway, so it's one thing to hear that men need respect, but in my case, this chapter made me see practical things that I didn't realize were disresepecting Jesse. For example, when I say something like "Oh we still need to fix that light on the backporch", in my mind I mean just that. We still need to fix the light, and verbalizing it is like a mental reminder to myself that it needs to be done. The end. Nothing more. Well, apparently, after discussing with Jesse, when I say things like that, he hears (as most men apparently do) something more like "I think you are incomptent and incapeable of fixing that light. Why haven't you done that yet?" Talk about a revelation and bad case of "broken speakers" on both ends! (Oh wow, I forget just how cheesy that analogy really is.) In any case, this chapter was really useful because I'd read examples like that in the book and think What? Why/How would a guy ever hear that? She just means that the project needs to get done still or that a licensed plumber may be more apt at solving that leaky toilet problem. That's it. How is that disrespectful? So, out of curiousity, I of course, turn to Jesse and say "Is this stuff true that it makes you feel disrespected? How?" and we get into a discussion in which I realize that while I don't mean anything by it, to a man, it's like I'm doubting all his abilities and calling him a stupid failure. Now being aware of this, I'm very conscious of how I word things about house projects or wanting to ask where the electrical tape is in Home Depot instead of walking down every aisle searching for it. My suggestion to just ask an employee, to a guy, apparently means "I don't think you can find it. We better ask someone who REALLY knows what they are talking about."

So, in short, this chapter is excellent for learning to communicate better and does a great job at pointing out day to day, small things, that go misunderstood, and in time, can add up to a lot of hurt. When you show a man that you believe he can do a project on his own, with no reminders, and no pointers, it makes him feel loved, respected, and all puffed up (in a good way).

The "N" Book Club

Forget Oprah, man...I am ready for my own book reviews!

Alright, in light of the last post, I have decided to do a book review. My mom mentioned to me a few weeks back that I should check out this book called For Women Only by Shaunti Feldhahn. I looked into it, and turns out, there is also a book called For Men Only by the same author and her husband, Jeff. The idea behind both books is to explore how men and women think (as the subtitle on For Women Only declares, "what you need to know about the inner lives of men"). The authors are Christian, and as I sifted through online reviews, the book seemed highly regarded in the Christian circle. The "results" that are reported in each book come from a survey done of random men and women, which asks questions about how they think, what they would do in certain scenarios, etc. The idea behind the books is to help the genders understand each other, and strengthen marriages (or at least I assumed this much). I got online to reserve it at my library, and turns out, all 10 or 15 copies were already checked out, and many were reserved. Same with the For Men Only book. Anyway, finally, it was my turn to check out For Women Only. I am still on the waiting list for the partner For Men Only book.

In any case, I found For Women Only to be both helpful and disgusting at the same time. If nothing else, I can say this is one book that made me laugh out loud, cry, get angry, and think. Some chapters I found to be profound and helpful and others made me want to vomit and burn the book. Jesse and I had many really good discussions about the chapters as well. So, we'll go chapter by chapter here over my next few posts. If nothing else, I think this will be a good way for me to work through my thoughts on feminism and gender roles. That is actually the entire reason I decided to review the book on my blog. An outlet for myself and an easy way to organize my thoughts since I could just address each chapter individually. In any case, for anyone who has read it, or decided to check it out, feel free to let me know what you think of both the book and my "review" of each chapter.

Gender Roles

I've been wanting to blog about this for a while, but it gets me so worked up, I have a hard time putting it all into words. And I really hate speaking when I don't yet have clear thoughts that are easily verbalized. But, none the less, I will try. Jesse and I have been having numerous discussions about this over the past month or so. Jesse has taken to calling me a feminist, and maybe he is right. I have to admit though, I will wear that title with pride. It all started in my sociology class discussing gender roles. I realized that women's rights are still yet to be fully won. It's proven that women with the same education and experience level make less money than men. It's proven that prospective employers discriminate women and often ask leading questions about family life to see where their priorities lie. Nevermind that a father also has a family, because he is a man, it is expected that family won't be an issue. And those are just the tip of the iceberg. Now to be straight here, I'm not burning my bras or hating men. But, seriously, gender inequality is still a very valid issue. And now that I am aware of it, it's like my eyes are opened and I see it everywhere. One thing that has always bothered me, even since I was a teenager, yet I could never figure out exactly why (until now) is how Christian circles address sexuality and lust. The message is sent to young women that to be a "good Christian" and "to help the guys", you should dress modestly. That message always really bothered me, and now it really makes me so angry I could probably bulldoze over any youth pastor or guidance counselor that I hear giving that type of crap advice. (In my oh so gentle and humble little opinion.) It's as if it's the girls fault when a guy lusts. I think that is a load of crap. And I think by feeding that message to young minds, we only encourage men down the path of sexual struggle and rob women of their own self respect. Yes, it surely must be harder for a guy to be "pure" when he's starting at big boobs hanging out of a tight shirt. However, ultimately, it's his mind, and his choice to go there. Women should be taught to dress modestly for their own self respect. I don't walk around with cleavage hanging out, because I respect myself and I think that I have a lot more to offer the world than a set of hooters. Most women I know with self confidence dress modestly, and most without, let it all hang out. We need to approach the issue of modesty with the woman in mind, not the man. Teach our young girls to love and respect themselves regardless of how a man treats them, and I guarantee, there would be less hooter honking hang out in this world. Beyond that, I think we just set men up to stumble. From a young age, in the Christian realm a man is taught "You will struggle with this. You will be tempted with this." And then, we excuse it away as "God just created men to be visual. Women need to dress pure." Ugh. That is a disgusting message in my opinion. I think we are robbing both men and women of the real beauty of how God created the genders by sending these types of messages. I am going to have to stop blogging now. I have too much to say about this, and I still don't know how to clearly address it, because I feel there is so much that this topic encompasses. And I hate that I am even blogging now because my thoughts are not collected, and I want my words to have meaning - mostly when I am speaking on issues that I feel strongly about, not just be senseless blabber - which is what I feel I am doing now. Okay, maybe in a month or so I will have collected my thoughts better and I'll be back!! Until then, you can bet I will be chewing on this issue more.

Homosexuals

Why is there a separate "gay and lesbian" section in Blockbuster? Isn't that, in a weird twisted way, just increasing discrimination?

Confessions

The other day Jesse and I were talking about the things that we did to "impress" each other when we were dating. It led into a pretty funny conversation about the things that people will do "for love". My confession (which Jesse has known for quite some time) is that I studied Candian geography, politics, and history when we were dating and then I casually worked my facts into conversation as if I just happened to know this stuff. (I didn't want to add any fuel to Jesse's "Most Americans are ignorant" fire, ya know?) Of course, now I don't really remember any of what I studied, except for this - the Candian national anthem became official in 1981. Not too sure why that one stuck.