Chapter One/Two

Chapter one is mainly background about the book and a general overview, so I'm not going to review it.

Chapter two, however, is in my opinion, one of the highlight chapters of the book. The basic message: Men need to be and feel respected. After reading the chapter, and talking with Jesse, I was floored at what some of my comments mean to him, and how they disrespect him. Jesse and I used to joke about this guy who gave us the advice to play "drive through". Basically, you say something, then you ask the spouse to say what they just heard. Kind of like giving your order at McDonald's. The speaker is a bit fuzzy and sometimes, you aren't quite sure if you are going to get the fries that you ordered, or if you're going to end up with a McFish Sandwich that makes you want to puke. For as corny as it sounds, it's actually a good thing if implemented. Anyway, so it's one thing to hear that men need respect, but in my case, this chapter made me see practical things that I didn't realize were disresepecting Jesse. For example, when I say something like "Oh we still need to fix that light on the backporch", in my mind I mean just that. We still need to fix the light, and verbalizing it is like a mental reminder to myself that it needs to be done. The end. Nothing more. Well, apparently, after discussing with Jesse, when I say things like that, he hears (as most men apparently do) something more like "I think you are incomptent and incapeable of fixing that light. Why haven't you done that yet?" Talk about a revelation and bad case of "broken speakers" on both ends! (Oh wow, I forget just how cheesy that analogy really is.) In any case, this chapter was really useful because I'd read examples like that in the book and think What? Why/How would a guy ever hear that? She just means that the project needs to get done still or that a licensed plumber may be more apt at solving that leaky toilet problem. That's it. How is that disrespectful? So, out of curiousity, I of course, turn to Jesse and say "Is this stuff true that it makes you feel disrespected? How?" and we get into a discussion in which I realize that while I don't mean anything by it, to a man, it's like I'm doubting all his abilities and calling him a stupid failure. Now being aware of this, I'm very conscious of how I word things about house projects or wanting to ask where the electrical tape is in Home Depot instead of walking down every aisle searching for it. My suggestion to just ask an employee, to a guy, apparently means "I don't think you can find it. We better ask someone who REALLY knows what they are talking about."

So, in short, this chapter is excellent for learning to communicate better and does a great job at pointing out day to day, small things, that go misunderstood, and in time, can add up to a lot of hurt. When you show a man that you believe he can do a project on his own, with no reminders, and no pointers, it makes him feel loved, respected, and all puffed up (in a good way).