Saturday, October 27, 2007
Good Bye
So our final goodbye to N was last week. It was weird and somewhat bittersweet. My brain has been so trained the past year, that every time I see a "kid thing" going on around town, I think of him. I kept doing that, even after he was gone. I wonder what N will grow up to be, how high school will treat him, if he will remember us when he's grown, and why exactly our lives were intertwined for the past year. I guess those are things we will never know. I do know I'm really happy for him and his mom especially, as I think being back near family is going to be a really good thing for them. N is a resilient and intelligent kid. 5 moves, all to new schools, in just the one year we've known him. Every time, it amazed me how he adjusted, and especially how he trusted. I am sure he had no idea of the complexities of evictions and finances and the toll it all must have been taking on his mom, trying to raise two boys alone. The parallel of adult life and child life in each move made me miss the freedom of childhood, before life bites you and tempts you to become skeptical, before you realize that the world can be cruel and mean. I hope for N, that he can stay a child for a very long time.
Monday, October 22, 2007
Art is powerful.
I'd love for you to check out this website. These are drawings done by children in Darfur while Human Rights Watch researchers talked with their parents. Unprompted. Clicking on each drawing will bring up quotes from the child who drew the picture, describing what they drew. This is happening now. What am I doing? What are we doing? We look back at the Holocaust and say "never again", but Lord what are we doing? I just can't believe this is happening now, as I type, sitting in my home.
Sunday, October 21, 2007
A Dog's Day
Today I decided to finally sew our kitchen curtains. We have curtains right now, but I have been wanting to switch them out. I am using our old shower curtain to make the new kitchen curtains, which I think will go with the "new" painted cabinets (still not done) better than what we have now. Anyway, as if I didn't already have a bad sewing/cutting history, just as I pull out the scissors to make my first cut, Abe came trotting over, and made himself at home right on top of my project. He is always so helpful.
Later in the day, Jesse busted out the dreaded hose. Well, dreaded hose to Abe, object of great desire to Horton. They are quite the opposite when it comes to bath time! Anyway, it always amazes me how little Abe looks when he gets all wet.
Shaking it off...
Horton stared longingly out the window during Abe's bath, scratching on it and begging to go outside so that he could have a second bath.
Happy little wet dog... (He wants his Abeula to know that he is nice and clean so that he can sleep on the air mattress with her when she comes to visit this week.)
Later in the day, Jesse busted out the dreaded hose. Well, dreaded hose to Abe, object of great desire to Horton. They are quite the opposite when it comes to bath time! Anyway, it always amazes me how little Abe looks when he gets all wet.
Shaking it off...
Horton stared longingly out the window during Abe's bath, scratching on it and begging to go outside so that he could have a second bath.
Happy little wet dog... (He wants his Abeula to know that he is nice and clean so that he can sleep on the air mattress with her when she comes to visit this week.)
Wednesday, October 17, 2007
Two somethings
Something funny: Stephen Colbert cracks me up. If I had cable, I would definitely be tuning into his show. Recently, he has announced his bid for the presidency.
Something new: Just over a year, and our time with BBBS is coming to a close. We found out today that N's mom has decided to move out of state to be near family. I am happy for them, as I think the family support system is going to be really good for them.
Something new: Just over a year, and our time with BBBS is coming to a close. We found out today that N's mom has decided to move out of state to be near family. I am happy for them, as I think the family support system is going to be really good for them.
Friday, October 12, 2007
Wrestling Through Some Thoughts...
I am coming to a lot of realizations. I realize that I, and pretty much the bulk of Christian that I know, befriend "non-believers", with ulterior motives. I mean, even if you get into the friendship just because you like the person, eventually things seem to shift, and you take any chance that you can to "witness" to them because they are "lost", right? It's the right thing to do, right? - Poor them with no Jesus, and poor Jesus with no soul that he deserves, right? - But, basically, I realize isn't this in reality, just actually trying to turn that other person into you? I mean, making them more like you? More like what you believe? More like what you think is right?
I have to say, I'm so ashamed now that I have realized this and look back on certain friendships in my life. I'm not sad that we were friends, but rather, that I was a very poor friend, all the while plotting how to change them. Whatever happened to that "just as you are" stuff that I heard Christ talk about? Apparently, for a lot of Christians "just as you are" translates to "just as you are, but I hope you change".
Where/when did we ever become responsible for "saving souls" or "leading people to Christ"? Was that really ever meant to be a human responsibility? "Go into all the world and preach the good news" = "Save a soul lest ye die and rot in hell"? Or did we just take that on with such great intentions, and now have basically jacked up the entire facade of Christianity, where not only non-believers feel sickened by the hypocrisy, but also even believers (like myself) feel sickened by it?
Wouldn't people naturally be wanting to jump aboard the whole Christ ship if Christians actually acted like him? I'm not convinced that there should even be a need for "leading people to Christ", for if we actually acted like Christ, then people would most likely be jumping in all on their own. I'm not saying I act like Him and have it all together, Lord knows I really am not good at "following".
Anyone who knows me knows I have been on missions trips in the past, and at one point, was devoting my entire life to it, yet I've come to a point where I really wrestle over the point/meaning/purpose of these trips, and whether they are more harmful than helpful. And, in that, who exactly do they help? I fear they have become just another "fire-igniter" for Western youth groups, for churches in a rut...let's all go to the developing nation to get our annual dose of thankfulness and feel so much better about what we have and "get on fire for Jesus". I know this is not the intent, or the "admitted" intent, but really, in all honesty, how many trips end up being just that? I'm not saying all missions are bad and wrong, that is not the case at all, I can point to plenty that have succeeded in helping people to live fuller, richer lives. Shoot, look at Mercy Ships, though I had a terrible experience there, the organization itself is truly restoring people and I have to thank God for the work they do.
I just can't help but wonder lately if I even believe the Christian religion. (Or for that matter, if Christ himself would believe it), and I find myself cringing to be associated with it. I mean, granted, I know that I have bitterness issues and what not after being involved in "ministry" and living in a "Christian community", only to have some of the deepest felt betrayal and manipulation happen there. So I am fully aware that my view is skewed.
Even so, trying to be objective, while I hear things like the church being about love and forgiveness and acceptance, what I really see is fanatics condemning women outside of abortion clinics, calling them murderers, what I see is people working their butts off to make sure that gay people never have the same rights that they do, and frankly, that one really pisses me off. How can the Christian community exert so very much energy into something like keeping gay marriages illegal, yet barely turn and look at situations like Darfur or the ever growing humanitarian disaster in Iraq? People ask if I am for or against gay marriage or if I believe it's right or wrong, and my answer is that I don't think it really matters. Once every family has a home, no woman is living in daily fear of rape by government backed militias, and no kid is dying of malnutrition or starvation, then maybe we can talk about who's sleeping with who, but until then, does it really even matter?
And I'm sick of the nit picky stupid crap that goes on in Christian circles. I mean, I've heard a whole movement of people who are against the RED campaign. (You know, the whole deal that Bono and Oprah and all these different celebs got in on, where if you buy something red at the Gap or a red phone or whatever, a portion of the proceeds will go to help stop AIDS in Africa.) I've heard various criticisms: that more money goes to the advertising than the charity, that Bono uses the plight of Africans to boost his image, that it encourages consumerism as a "soft" action to make people feel like they are doing something when really all they are doing is shopping and being greedy and still yet ignoring the inequalities in the world today....the criticisms go on and on. And you know what I say SO WHAT? So what if all of that is true? This campaign has reached an entire group of people who may otherwise never give any of their money to any sort of charity. If shopping is what all of the so-called "greedy, materialistic" people do in the West, then what is so bad about twisting that and finding a way to use at least part of that money for a good cause? What harm can possibly come out of donating any, any portion of a purchase to help a country with a major AIDS crisis? What harm can come of finding a creative way to turn mass consumerism in the West into a channel, (even if it be a small channel), of giving to the East? Yet some in the Christian community are whining and boo hooing and hissing on that. Let's say for a moment, these criticisms are true (which I don't think all of them are), but let's say they all are and this whole campaign is just one big selfish ordeal....where is the Christian community that has stepped up and shown all the world a better way of helping? It's like people who complain about the President, but never get off their butts and vote. No vote cast = no right to complain in my book.
Jesse and I visited a church (this was over a year ago now), but in it the pastor started talking about how people are so loosey-goosey with their beliefs, and anything goes and what not, and how "BEAU-NO" promotes this by saying stuff like "I just go where the Spirit leads". And how "BEAU-NO" is a bad influence. Ahem. Jesse and I just looked at each other, and knew at that point, we'd never be back to that church. First, if you are going to criticize someone, please at least learn to say their name right! (The pastor was referring to Bono.) And quite obviously, if you don't even know how to say his name, you have probably not done your research on his lifestyle or belief system. But, it's stuff like that, ya know? And yes, here I am being a part of it, criticizing away and spending a half hour typing instead of I don't know, something holy, like praying. So go ahead and judge me, and then I can judge you for being so judgemental. And then we can both set up causes to help other people, and then we can bad mouth each other's causes. Yes, indeed, I think we have found the heart of Christ here. Amen.
Okay, sarcasm aside, let me just say one more thing, while I am sickened by much of what I see done "in the name of Christ", thankfully, I also know a handful of people who have helped me to know a little piece of Christ in them. And for them, I will be forever grateful, because they were people who accepted me just as I am, cynicism and crankiness included.
I have to say, I'm so ashamed now that I have realized this and look back on certain friendships in my life. I'm not sad that we were friends, but rather, that I was a very poor friend, all the while plotting how to change them. Whatever happened to that "just as you are" stuff that I heard Christ talk about? Apparently, for a lot of Christians "just as you are" translates to "just as you are, but I hope you change".
Where/when did we ever become responsible for "saving souls" or "leading people to Christ"? Was that really ever meant to be a human responsibility? "Go into all the world and preach the good news" = "Save a soul lest ye die and rot in hell"? Or did we just take that on with such great intentions, and now have basically jacked up the entire facade of Christianity, where not only non-believers feel sickened by the hypocrisy, but also even believers (like myself) feel sickened by it?
Wouldn't people naturally be wanting to jump aboard the whole Christ ship if Christians actually acted like him? I'm not convinced that there should even be a need for "leading people to Christ", for if we actually acted like Christ, then people would most likely be jumping in all on their own. I'm not saying I act like Him and have it all together, Lord knows I really am not good at "following".
Anyone who knows me knows I have been on missions trips in the past, and at one point, was devoting my entire life to it, yet I've come to a point where I really wrestle over the point/meaning/purpose of these trips, and whether they are more harmful than helpful. And, in that, who exactly do they help? I fear they have become just another "fire-igniter" for Western youth groups, for churches in a rut...let's all go to the developing nation to get our annual dose of thankfulness and feel so much better about what we have and "get on fire for Jesus". I know this is not the intent, or the "admitted" intent, but really, in all honesty, how many trips end up being just that? I'm not saying all missions are bad and wrong, that is not the case at all, I can point to plenty that have succeeded in helping people to live fuller, richer lives. Shoot, look at Mercy Ships, though I had a terrible experience there, the organization itself is truly restoring people and I have to thank God for the work they do.
I just can't help but wonder lately if I even believe the Christian religion. (Or for that matter, if Christ himself would believe it), and I find myself cringing to be associated with it. I mean, granted, I know that I have bitterness issues and what not after being involved in "ministry" and living in a "Christian community", only to have some of the deepest felt betrayal and manipulation happen there. So I am fully aware that my view is skewed.
Even so, trying to be objective, while I hear things like the church being about love and forgiveness and acceptance, what I really see is fanatics condemning women outside of abortion clinics, calling them murderers, what I see is people working their butts off to make sure that gay people never have the same rights that they do, and frankly, that one really pisses me off. How can the Christian community exert so very much energy into something like keeping gay marriages illegal, yet barely turn and look at situations like Darfur or the ever growing humanitarian disaster in Iraq? People ask if I am for or against gay marriage or if I believe it's right or wrong, and my answer is that I don't think it really matters. Once every family has a home, no woman is living in daily fear of rape by government backed militias, and no kid is dying of malnutrition or starvation, then maybe we can talk about who's sleeping with who, but until then, does it really even matter?
And I'm sick of the nit picky stupid crap that goes on in Christian circles. I mean, I've heard a whole movement of people who are against the RED campaign. (You know, the whole deal that Bono and Oprah and all these different celebs got in on, where if you buy something red at the Gap or a red phone or whatever, a portion of the proceeds will go to help stop AIDS in Africa.) I've heard various criticisms: that more money goes to the advertising than the charity, that Bono uses the plight of Africans to boost his image, that it encourages consumerism as a "soft" action to make people feel like they are doing something when really all they are doing is shopping and being greedy and still yet ignoring the inequalities in the world today....the criticisms go on and on. And you know what I say SO WHAT? So what if all of that is true? This campaign has reached an entire group of people who may otherwise never give any of their money to any sort of charity. If shopping is what all of the so-called "greedy, materialistic" people do in the West, then what is so bad about twisting that and finding a way to use at least part of that money for a good cause? What harm can possibly come out of donating any, any portion of a purchase to help a country with a major AIDS crisis? What harm can come of finding a creative way to turn mass consumerism in the West into a channel, (even if it be a small channel), of giving to the East? Yet some in the Christian community are whining and boo hooing and hissing on that. Let's say for a moment, these criticisms are true (which I don't think all of them are), but let's say they all are and this whole campaign is just one big selfish ordeal....where is the Christian community that has stepped up and shown all the world a better way of helping? It's like people who complain about the President, but never get off their butts and vote. No vote cast = no right to complain in my book.
Jesse and I visited a church (this was over a year ago now), but in it the pastor started talking about how people are so loosey-goosey with their beliefs, and anything goes and what not, and how "BEAU-NO" promotes this by saying stuff like "I just go where the Spirit leads". And how "BEAU-NO" is a bad influence. Ahem. Jesse and I just looked at each other, and knew at that point, we'd never be back to that church. First, if you are going to criticize someone, please at least learn to say their name right! (The pastor was referring to Bono.) And quite obviously, if you don't even know how to say his name, you have probably not done your research on his lifestyle or belief system. But, it's stuff like that, ya know? And yes, here I am being a part of it, criticizing away and spending a half hour typing instead of I don't know, something holy, like praying. So go ahead and judge me, and then I can judge you for being so judgemental. And then we can both set up causes to help other people, and then we can bad mouth each other's causes. Yes, indeed, I think we have found the heart of Christ here. Amen.
Okay, sarcasm aside, let me just say one more thing, while I am sickened by much of what I see done "in the name of Christ", thankfully, I also know a handful of people who have helped me to know a little piece of Christ in them. And for them, I will be forever grateful, because they were people who accepted me just as I am, cynicism and crankiness included.
No Mas Español!!!
Whoo hoo! I just finished up my very last Spanish assignment, which happened to be the very last thing left to do this semester. Another one bites the dust...yippie! I took finals yesterday, and grades have to be posted on Monday, so we'll see how I did at the start of next week. One week off until it's back to the books. Next semester I have abnormal psychology, intro to the visual arts, and some principals of management class or something like that (required for the psych curriculum). For now, it's off to the gym, to get some groceries, and then clean the house. Hasta la vista.
Wednesday, October 10, 2007
Things
Things which suck today:
I think the insurance company may deny my surgery claim.
Abe stepped in his own juicy poo and I have paw-print shaped blobs of crap all over the house.
Things which don't suck today:
The weather is amazing.
A book I had on hold at the library for over 2 months finally came in.
After I mop (see "things which suck today"), the house will smell lemony-fresh.
I think the insurance company may deny my surgery claim.
Abe stepped in his own juicy poo and I have paw-print shaped blobs of crap all over the house.
Things which don't suck today:
The weather is amazing.
A book I had on hold at the library for over 2 months finally came in.
After I mop (see "things which suck today"), the house will smell lemony-fresh.
Friday, October 05, 2007
The Dentist
I am leaving to go to the dentist in about 30 minutes. I think I might have a cavity or a slight crack in one, maybe two, teeth. Not so good. For the record, I'm blaming corn nuts.
Wednesday, October 03, 2007
A Guest in the Garden
I have very very seriously neglected the gardens the last month, okay, maybe two months. I realized tonight that although they are all still making fruit, I need to chop it all down. It's too overgrown to really get the fruit, and I've let too much of it start to rot on the vine anyway. So, I started hacking away tonight, and discovered that something is living under one of the beds. Not too sure what....at first I was worried that maybe it's a snake, but now I don't think so. I found three holes and they definitely look like something had to dig them out. They go very neatly and nicely under the bed. I felt kind of guilty pulling all of the tomato vines off, as the holes were very clearly made under the heaviest of coverage. I just destroyed some little animal's threshold. I hope it's not something that I will have to chase off. I don't have the heart to kill whatever it is, even if it's something "bad". I found a handy little guide online, and thankfully I have ruled out rats. My guess is a possible groundhog, as I found this description online "hole 6 - 10 inches in diameter, dirt mound four inches high, near garden or barn: groundhog"...the hole is hard to measure, but I took a ruler out there and all three are 5-7 inches wide. Dirt mounds range from about 2-4" high. And I read somewhere else that groundhogs always make at least 2 entrances into their nest, so it would make sense that all three holes are one groundhog family. Hmmm...for now, I will ignore these holes, and as long as no major issues arise, I will let whatever little critter live in peace. So please, little creature, be good, so that you can keep your nice little home.
Monday, October 01, 2007
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