Tsk Tsk Tsk...

I love our big burly Abe very much, but he sure keeps me on my toes. Saturday evening Jesse and I were winding down. As I passed the kitchen window and looked out, I noticed Abe laying outside very happy and cozy...in one of the raised beds. He had dug out a little spot in the corner for himself and was sitting on it like a king on his throne. Of course he got into big trouble, (but it also gave us a good laugh). It just had to be the bed that I had sowed all of my herbs seeds and starts into a week or so ago. Now, if anything even comes up, with his digging, I will probably have cilantro in the middle of my basil or oregano in the middle of my rosemary! Plus, the little start of lemon balm from my grandma was buried. I have it on my list to repair and resow this week. Abe is like a pouty child and he needs to feel loved. I am pretty sure the only reason he got into the bed was in rebellion to having Riley here. Not only has he had to share his attention, but Riley also walked across this very bed the day he arrived here. I yelled at him, and he learned his lesson to stay out, but I am sure Abe could smell Riley all over it. I think this was Abe's way of claiming his territory and asserting that he is the king around this house! Anyway, after Jesse got Abe out of the bed, he grabbed the camera and got a shot of his muddy little nose.

More From the Deck

I am ambivalent about doubt. I know I shouldn't doubt, but I also know that God is gracious to me and speaks louder and stronger when I do the same. I love the story of Job, even if only for the fact that he shot off his mouth and God was proud in the end. I think it gives me hope. I am a reserved person, but my opinions are strong, and I have a habit of telling God off.

A few days ago, I was in awe of what wonderful bosses God has given me. Mike (back at Zephyr) was so good to me. He not only gave me great raises, but he listened to me and did everything in his power to make sure that I woke up and wanted to come into work each day. Especially toward the end, when he knew I was considering leaving, he made it incredibly hard for me to leave. And the best thing about working for him was that he made me do things not just to shape my keyboarding skills or organizational system, but that actually shaped my character too. I know there were problems at the company and some days I wanted to walk out the door. I know it wasn't the perfect job, but I also know that few people get to experience a boss who treats them as well as Mike treated me. And now my current boss recently gave me a small raise for no real reason that I can see and overall he just pays me really high for what I do. I certainly don't deserve it, considering all I really do is answer a few phone calls, check out a few customers, and every few days, add up some numbers. I have just had bosses be really good to me and the last few days I've been very thankful for that.

Then, today it was all confirmed that I really have had the privilege of working for great guys (my feminist heart is waiting for the day I work under a great gal - or better yet, get to be that great gal!). My boss is giving me 35 bucks bonus on my next paycheck to "go out to eat with your husband because I know it can be hard" (meaning trying to get financial things in line when you are young). I am a very blessed person to have a boss who even considers things like that. It meant so much to me, not only the extra cash and being able to have a nice dinner out, but just with doubting and worrying over money, it just confirmed that God does take care of His own, and made me want to well up in tears at how much I have in my life. But of course, I can't cry at work, so I smiled and said thank you and then spent the next four hours worrying over whether I had expressed enough gratitude or not in trying to suppress my true emotion of wanting to cry and dramatically say "You don't know how much this means!". I just didn't know what to say and even now, I worry that I somehow failed to get across my gratitude.

Anyway, then I got home and got the mail, and we got a (small) dividend check from our insurance company. Now, the dividend won't magically make the checkbook show black instead of red, and going out for a nice dinner won't suddenly make the upcoming vet bill smaller, but they both sure do go a long way in making my heart feel very full today. And in the stubborn and sarcastic way that I relate to God, I can just picture that this was His way of telling me off for doubting His provisions.

Okay I need to come back to this blogging because it's starting to thunder and Abe is getting scared and slobbering all over the keyboard. Mmmm. Time to go inside.

Thoughts from The Back Deck

We are dog-sitting for my mom while she is on vacation. I love her dog. Riley is a border collie, and as a pre-psychology professional, I have officially diagnosed him with obsessive compulsive disorder. The obsession being frisbees and balls, and the compulsion being tossing them at my feet every three seconds. As I type this, he is pushing the frisbee nearer and nearer my feet (which are now covered in slobber), and he has grass blades hanging off of his head and spit bubbles all over his eyebrows (don't know how he managed that one). He is the most loveable misfit ever created and no matter how I am feeling, Riley can always make me smile and let me know that everything is going to be just fine. Today it is a welcome reminder.

The last few days have thrown a lot of financial hurdles at us, and I know money doesn't buy happiness, but at times like this, I do feel there is an awful lot to be said for it! The crowning glory of all of these little mishaps here and there was yesterday when one of our tires blew out. Great. Add that to the list of ever growing unexpected expenses! Oh well, the very fact that I have to pay for a new tire means that I own a car which means that this problem is a luxury. All of them are actually...health care costs mean I have access to what I need to keep myself and my family (dogs included!) healthy, vehicle expenses mean I can go where I want when I want, electric, gas and water bills means I have a clean, safe place to sleep at night. All of which are things to be very thankful for. And I am. But the problem is, I don't only feel thankful. I also feel sad. I also wonder if we will ever get ahead financially. I also wonder if we are doing something wrong.

The thing is, I don't regret my life, and I am pretty confident Jesse doesn't either. We both know that had we gone to college straight out of high school, we'd probably be in a lot better place financially, but who would we be as people? The experiences I had in lieu of college shaped me deeper than any curriculum, and I would never, have never, wished that I'd done something differently. There is such a warm place of deep, deep satisfaction in my heart when I remember the Philippines, or Kona, or Israel.... I'll never forget how proud I was of Jesse seeing him lead the team in Nicaragua, and I'll always laugh when I remember the night that the bat flew into our room and "tried to kill him".

But where does all of this leave us now, and how does our past fit into our present? It's not just the money - that's the most tangible way it all comes out, but it's much more than that. It's all been on my mind a lot lately, and although I enjoy my life now, I wonder if I have missed something along the way. The thing is, I am not even sure what I want. I used to know so clearly, but now I haven't really the slightest idea...but sometimes, like now, I feel like I am closer to knowing than I ever was when I "knew" - does that make sense?

Does the Painting Ever End?

Sherwin Williams was having a 30% off sale yesterday, so Jesse and I decided to go ahead and buy the paint that we will need for the bathroom. I also recently decided that we should paint the kitchen cabinets. I have never really liked them, but they are nice, custom cabinets and I felt bad messing with them. Then I figured, what does it even matter if they are nice if I don't like them and it's my house? Might as well change them to how I like them. That painting project will happen after the bathroom remodel, and hopefully all of the painting will be done after that. We should have invested in a paint sprayer long, long ago. It would have well paid off by now. Anyway, for the kitchen cabinets, we chose "biscuit" (middle color). The bathroom, we are painting the vanity "french roast" (bottom left) and the walls will be "jalapeno" (bottom right). Tiles are all neutral beigey-whitish colors. At first I thought about just painting the walls a cream color and then doing the ceiling in jalapeno for a little change, but I don't know if I'd like the cream on the walls up against all of our white trim, so we'll just stick with keeping the color on the walls. Although, I am hoping to possibly redo our bedroom a bit, and I'd really like to put the color on the ceiling in there.



Anyway, other than house projects, it's mainly just work and school. I am at that plateau with school. No longer new and novel, but still a ways to go. Struggling with what I want out of it, what my goals are and where I'm heading. For now, all I know to do is just keep doing what I'm doing now and hopefully one day I will know more specifically what I want. I've definitely narrowed it down since I started, which is good, but I'm almost afraid I'm narrowed it out too much, which makes me question my path all together. Work is work...I'm trying to pick up some extra shifts, especially during my break between semesters and keep hoping we can catch up enough to start throwing pennies at our vacation fund. Guess that's where the faith and trust part comes in. Last Sunday, our pastor (and I use that term very loosely), mentioned something along the lines of not being able to have faith without doubt and struggle, meaning being sure doesn't take much faith; it really comes when the most doubt is there, yet acting despite it is what truly constitutes faith....at least that's how I interpreted it, and now that I think about it, what he said really didn't even go like that at all, so who knows what he was really trying to say, but what I gathered was just that - being sure doesn't take faith...being full of doubt does... Who knows. Maybe I just twisted it to make myself feel better. This year has been very full of doubt for me, in every arena....my purpose and path, my beliefs, Christ, God - you name it, I am probably doubting it this very second!

In any case, I will wrap this up and try to start winding down. We try our best to go to bed early since Jesse leaves for work well before the crack of dawn now. It's awfully hard in the summer when the sun is out shining, just calling us to be outdoors though!

The Swing

We've been getting a lot of use out of our anniversary present. A couple weeks ago, Horton discovered that it's a very comfy spot to curl up on. He won't go onto it if we aren't on it, because he has figured out that it moves and isn't too sure how to work with it unless we hold it steady for him. However, the minute one of us sits down, he very happily trots over and jumps right up. Abe just discovered the comfy swing yesterday (with a wee bit of coaxing). He didn't want to get off of it when it was time to go inside. We had to bribe him with some treats.

Another Adventure

I used to think getting the bathroom done was the next priority for us in house projects, but I think the fence may have been bumped up. Horton found his way out yet again this morning. That's 3 times in the last month, despite Jesse having put in metal bars where the fence was loose and he got out the last 2 times. There must be a new spot that he found. So, this round, I was inside making toast. I carried it to the back deck to eat outside with the dogs, who were already out there. There's Abe...but where's Horton?? I run back inside and through the front door to get into the Passport to drive around. As I'm opening the car door, a neighbor who lives a few doors down yells to me..."I think your dog is out. He's over there playing with that German Shepard." and points. So I yell thanks and take off in that direction. I pass the German Shepard, and Horton has moved on to another spot. I turn down another road and suddenly hear dogs barking behind me, so I put it in reverse slowly looking to see if they are barking because Horton is running loose. Then 2 women come out of their houses and yell "Are you looking for your dog? He's over there." and point. I look over, and there he is...yet another neighbor comes out, sees me panicky as I yell "My dog got out!" and then she sees Horton, so she kindly walks toward him talking nicely, and he trots over to sniff her. I notice he's behind a fence though, so the lady tells me the fence is open on the other side of the house. She kept talking nice to Horton to keep his attention until I was able to run around the house to call him. I get him loaded back up, and as I'm driving back up to our house, there is the first neighbor that helped me out, now mowing his yard, and as I drive by I see him smile as he yells "Ah! You got him!" triumphantly. Thankfully Horton is safe and sound (although he has lost all of his "go outside alone" privileges!)....and I do say, today reinforced the fact that I do like our neighborhood. Everyone seems to know the "2 big golden dogs" and just who they belong with! It was very sweet, especially to see the 2 different women who ran out their front doors when they saw me drive by, just to help me locate one of the hairy loves of my life! I hope I at least yelled "thank you" somewhere in there!

The Yard

I finally got some photos to post!

You would think the grass would make a softer pillow than the rock...


My favorite flowers in our yard are almost in bloom.


This is another area we filled with rock...not too interesting, but it was hard work!


Jesse is building yet another raised bed for me.

We'll have 4 total raised beds and I still don't know where I will plant everything! (Notice the back left bed is nice and green...that's peas, radishes, and lettuce!)

Abe likes to supervise our projects for quality control. He is SO helpful.

Nothing In Particular

I mowed the yard and as I was coming in, I thought it would be nice to take some photos of the other landscape stuff we've done, and the dogs, and of course my garden (just because it inflates my ego). However, I grabbed the camera and the battery was dead. So I dug through Jesse's photo bag and found another. It was dead. I repeated that twice, and finally gave up. Time to charge the batteries and then I will try to get some photos on here.

Speaking of garden, this year I have been thinking about how it relates to my faith. As I was planting the seeds a month or however long ago, looking at them I realized how much faith is in them. That probably doesn't make sense. I just mean that if we didn't know anything about science or how stuff works, and someone came up to us and handed us one seed and said "Here. Take this. This is going to feed you for the rest of your life", we'd think they were nuts. How could a thing like that feed us? It looks as if it wouldn't even make a dent in our tummy one time, yet somehow, it has the capacity to feed us for as long as we live. I guess since we know how seeds grow and work, it kind of takes the faith out of it, but still, it's just interesting to me how easily we overlook small miracles like that.

I've also been thinking about how even in death, things have a purpose. With the compost for example, the slow decaying of once living matter is what in turns feeds the now living matter. Everything has a purpose and fits into this grand plan. Even bugs and worms, I have just fallen in love with them. Without them, I couldn't grow anything in the soil. In that way, we're somehow intertwined and dependent on these little things that we so easily smush. But the worm and the bugs work the soil and give it nutrition in a way that I will never be able to. It's very fascinating to me. It just reminds me that God knows what He's doing and that everything truly does work together for a plan and a purpose, even in death...I forget that really often.

Anyway, it's been a fun garden season so far, much better than last year, when I got a whopping one tomato, and two midget bell peppers. I'm glad it's spring and am looking forward to the summer, and would actually love if it just stuck around all year, but I do have one thing I am looking forward to when fall comes. I thought about this a lot last winter, but never did it, and decided I definitely should this fall. I want to have a "take it bake it" or a "soup swap". (The idea's not mine. Comes from Not Martha, and I think she got the idea somewhere else too.) In any case, the deal is that you spend one day making a lot of soup - then you divide it up into 6 or so 2 quart containers. You bring it to the party, and then everyone goes in rounds picking soups that they want to go home with. So you spend one day cooking one thing, and go home with however many different soups that you can just pop on the stove when you having a busy night and can't cook. The "take it bake it" party is the same idea, only you aren't limited to soups. You could make anything that freezes well - pies, lasagna, whatever. I think the take it bake it might be more interesting. I think it sounds really fun and very practical as well. Cook one night and get a week's worth of food. However, I don't know how well it will go over or who exactly I would invite that would also think it's fun. I imagine some people wouldn't think it's fun to cook that much one day. Plus, I'll have to think wisely about freeze space. We have a deep freeze, so it would be no problem for us, but I guess it may be hard for those who only have a regular freeze. I'll try and see...worst case no one comes and we have a lot of soup or lasagna or something!

Well, anyway all this food talk is making me hungry!

For the Love

Today Horton got out of the yard and gave me a freak out attack. This is the first time he's ever gotten out in this house, and it's been our big fear, because we live not too far off of a major road. The few times he got out in Colorado, he always came trotting back to the house within an hour, so I tried to tell myself not to worry. That doesn't really work though, because I keep thinking about how fast cars go on that road, and about this couple who lost their dog in our neighborhood last fall, and the poor little lost dog signs are still up today. I want to drive around the neighborhood and see if I can find him, but I am car-less today (another story for another day). So I grab Abe, and we trot down to the end of the street by the major road. Thankfully, no dead dog in sight...but still no live dog either. So we head back up toward the house, and I'm starting to cry, wondering what I will ever do if I never see my little Horton again. This lady out in her yard tries to start up a conversation with me and I probably seemed rude, but at the time I didn't care because my little doggie is missing. So Abe and I make it back to the house. (I was encouraging him to pee on everything in site so that Horton would catch Abe's smell and it would be easier for him to find his way home.) So I'm resigned that I just have to stay in the house and wait, but in the meantime, I am worried. So I call Jesse and start leaving him this hysterical ridiculous voicemail. Then, as I'm looking out the window, a few blocks over, I see a glimpse of golden. I hang up the phone, and go sprinting outside running that direction. I'm totally out of breath, have little tears on my face and am trying my best to yell and whistle as I run...talk about a freak show. I get to the spot where I thought I saw the furball, and can't see the little pooch anywhere, so I decide might as well keep running toward the direction that I hear dogs barking. I figured maybe they were barking at Horton...so run run I go...finally, I stop, feeling like my jello jiggler legs are just going to collapse, and I see little happy Horton come trotting around the side of someone's house. I yell out his name and he puts on his big smile and comes sprinting over to me and I give him big hugs. Holding his collar, we both run back to the house, and as we are approaching, I can hear Abe just barking away, feeling so left out of this little adventure. Haaaa...that was about two hours ago, and the two dogs have been sleeping ever since.