Jesse and I have been having some chats recently about gender roles, and they always get me all fired up (just ask Jesse). As such, I've decided to climb up my tall soap box and say some things.
First, let me say that I am not angry at men, and for the record, Jesse owns more angry feminist music than I do.
And one more thing, to give credit where credit is due, these thoughts are largely influenced by various readings from different sociologists, as well as one of my old professors. Not like I just made these grand observations all on my own or anything. I didn't.
Alright, here we go!
So, the role of women has evolved at the speed of sound in the last few decades, which we all look at and think on the surface that gender equality has nearly arrived. Well, not so much. The role of men, in contrast, has not really evolved at all to keep in pace with women's roles. Well, you think why does that matter? Men weren't ever the ones without rights or who were surpressed, right? Well, for women to gain equality, it means that men's roles
must also shift. For example, women used to be confined to caring for the home and children. Now, women are also accepted in the work force. Seems great, right? Well, the problem is, while women have gained the extra responsibility of also being breadwinners, they have not given up one ounce of being homemakers. Women today still do 70% of the housework. It's actually a phenonenom known as the "second shift", meaning that many women today work a full 40 hour week at work, then go home and have to do another work shift, cleaning, cooking, etc. What needs to happen here is not just that women gain more roles, but that men also do. When both are not in line, one gender is still surpressed. Society is still sending mixed messages to women about their role, and we are in utter confusion over the genders. For example, if you ask a woman what she does and she is a stay at home mom, her answer is often "I'm
just a stay-at-home-mom." In society today, that isn't good enough. It's "just", as if society has told the stay-at-home mom that is only
part of her duty as a woman, and it's simply not good enough to be that and that only. However, talk with a woman who has young children that works full time, and she has probably been labeled and judged as being a bad mother who puts career ahead of her children. Society is telling her "You can work, but not too much or else you must not
really care about your children." Society still assumes that the main job of childrearing belongs to the woman, and forgets that she is not soley responsible. There was a whole other half involved in that procreation, ya know? Society still assumes that raising children is solely female responsibility - assumes that the woman will take time off work if a child gets sick, but doesn't assume a man would. So, anyway, all of this leaves women, especially women with young children in a hard spot - being a stay at home mom is not good enough, working too much is not good enough - the only solution is to do it all. Thus the term we all know and love - "supermom". The woman who does it all with a smile on her face. Problem is, supermoms are not superhuman. A person can't do it all without major burn out. The solution here is that we need to see men's roles evolving too - to see an increase in the acceptance of men who choose to stay at home with young children, to see an increase the acceptance of a Daddy picking up his young child and kissing his cut, to see an icrease in the assumption that fathers will play an active role in raising children and in running a household. I think part of the problem with so many defunct father/child relationships is that society tells men that it's not really manly to wear a diaper bag to be involved with your kid, especially your young kid. Now, once they start football or hockey, hey, then it's a-okay to be a Dad, but don't dare sing a lullaby when your child is scared, and don't dare let anyone see your eyes well up with tears when you talk about how proud you are of your kids. It's just not manly, right? We need to get over what is manly, what is girly, and realize that we are simply human beings. I am not so convinced that all of this highlighting of gender differences is good for us. Sure, men and women think differently and may desire different things, but when it comes down to the really important stuff in life, I think we all pretty much just want the same things - loving, intimate relationships, and a home-life where you are always accepted.