When we first moved into this house, we had an elderly couple living next door. The older man used to sit outside under the tree in his front lawn. He was very friendly and seemed eager to chat when I'd step outside. He'd make the same joke about our dogs every time we talked, but I just chalked it up to regular forgetfulness. After all, he was probably in his mid 80's or older. I used to kind of admire the way he would still get outdoors and enjoy the fresh air. One day while driving home from the grocery store, I spotted him walking a few blocks away from our house. I semi-braked, wondering if I should stop and offer a ride. Somehow though, I became convinced he was just out for a stroll, and I admired him more....he's so determined to get fresh air and exercise, I thought. I wished for myself that I would become a stubborn old lady, determined to keep her independence and get around on her own.
It was only a few weeks later that this man moved out of his house and checked into a nursing home. And only a couple months after that, he died. As it turns out, he had a pretty serious case of Alzheimer's and his wife simply couldn't keep up with him anymore. Presumably, that day I saw him was one of many days where he started out on a walk and got lost.
Since that time, I have always regretted not stopping and offering a ride. I can't even figure out why I didn't. I just made an assumption about him and went on with my day. Silly really, as even if my assumption had been true, he could have simply turned down my offer and went about with his stroll.
Some of you may remember a blog post I wrote a couple summers ago about a turtle I saw in the road. He was half way across and I couldn't bear the thought that he would get hit by a car, so I pulled over, ran into the road, picked up the turtle, and carried him back to wooded area he had come from. It was such a happy experience, complete with a couple guys in a truck circling back to check on me in case I had car trouble, then telling me with big smiles how the world would be better if more people stopped for turtles.
Two days later on that same road, there lie a broken turtle shell and blood.
Since that time, I have always regretted moving the turtle. Why did I move him back where he came from? He was trying to cross the road for a reason, and at least I could have had enough thought to carry him to where he was already heading. Why didn't I consider his effort to get where he was going?
That's not the only animal I have "helped". You might also recall the post about the foreclosed house across the street. They left their dog behind, a little puggle. It was in the middle of winter and I would lay in bed at night thinking about the dog, wondering how cold he was. I went over every day and checked on him, giving him food and water, playing tug with him, and shoving blankets into his little dog house. A few times, I even carried him over to our house and let him run around the back yard and play with my dogs. I mulled and mulled over what to do. I contacted the owner (via his realtor) and he refused to give me the dog. I had arranged for the dog to be put up for adoption through the shelter I work with, but the stipulation was that I had to obtain him legally, or otherwise, I had to take any risk on myself for trespassing and theft. The story ended with animal control contacting the owner, who came by and picked up the pup. Who knows what his life is like now living with a guy who was willing to leave him chained outside in freezing temps with no food or water.
Since then, I have always regretted not stealing that dog.
When I am struggling with relationships and life issues, I often think about these three stories. I wanted to help. I had good intention. But my actions were neutral at best, harmful at worst. I didn't think outside myself. I let the wrong things dictate my actions.
Fear: What if I get in trouble for stealing?
Pride: How great is it that I'm the type of person who stops for turtles?
Autonomy: He's a-okay walking on his own, why should I bother him?
I imagine if I let these lead me in the little things, I probably let them lead me in the big things too. It's sobering for me to admit, but I can think of a lot of times in life when I made my decision out of fear or pride or ignorance or selfishness. How many times have I "helped" the people I love?
I don't really know where I'm going with this post. I'm just contemplating relationships I suppose. And wishing I could see outside myself for a little while.
I'm sorry, little puggle dog, and I'm sorry, wonderful brown turtle, and I'm sorry, skinny old man. I wish I had done better for you.
Friday, May 20, 2011
Saturday, May 14, 2011
We're Back!
We are back from vacation, back to reality... it was a nice break while it lasted!
Mostly we hiked, kayaked, and snorkeled. We both actually ended up with sore muscles on vacation from all the action! I think it was mostly the hike back out of Waipio Valley...it's so stinking steep. I walked part of it backward because my sorry little leg muscles were burning so bad. However, it was totally worth it.
I wish I could bottle up a tiny bit of atmosphere and send it to you all...the smells, the sounds, the wind, the sun. As soon as we stepped off the plane, I remembered how delicious Kona smells. I don't know if it's plumeria or bougainvillea, but some flower there fills the place and makes the air intoxicating. I didn't really remember that from way back when, but they say smell is one of the most powerful senses for memory, and I guess they're right. I couldn't get enough of that scent. (Maybe that's how Monkey feels when she smells my deodorant and tries to rub herself in my armpit!? My underarms are quite like a tropical paradise, I suppose.)
Anyway, it was cool to see the U of N, where we met. It's pretty much the same. A bit of new landscape, a bit of new construction, but for the most part, identical. The rest of the city had changed quite a bit though. Most of the businesses that were there way back when have been replaced by new ones, and some areas right along the sea are still recovering from tsunami damage. That was kind of sad to see...beaches that were white sanded with debris all over them, parts of the sea wall knocked out with orange construction cones around it, and sidewalks covered up by sand. Regardless, it's still beautiful and wonderful and laid back and all around amazing. And so many doggies!! Everywhere there was a dog! That's my kind of city.
Jesse and I kept saying "Can you believe we lived here?!" I continue to be infinitely grateful for the travel experiences I got to have after high school. They were so formative for me... I wish every young person could have one year where they do nothing but travel. I think our world would be a bit of a kinder place.
Anyway, here's my vacation video! (Sorry the resolution isn't better. We are cheap and only pay for slow internet....I did not have the patience to wait for a larger file to load.)
Mostly we hiked, kayaked, and snorkeled. We both actually ended up with sore muscles on vacation from all the action! I think it was mostly the hike back out of Waipio Valley...it's so stinking steep. I walked part of it backward because my sorry little leg muscles were burning so bad. However, it was totally worth it.
I wish I could bottle up a tiny bit of atmosphere and send it to you all...the smells, the sounds, the wind, the sun. As soon as we stepped off the plane, I remembered how delicious Kona smells. I don't know if it's plumeria or bougainvillea, but some flower there fills the place and makes the air intoxicating. I didn't really remember that from way back when, but they say smell is one of the most powerful senses for memory, and I guess they're right. I couldn't get enough of that scent. (Maybe that's how Monkey feels when she smells my deodorant and tries to rub herself in my armpit!? My underarms are quite like a tropical paradise, I suppose.)
Anyway, it was cool to see the U of N, where we met. It's pretty much the same. A bit of new landscape, a bit of new construction, but for the most part, identical. The rest of the city had changed quite a bit though. Most of the businesses that were there way back when have been replaced by new ones, and some areas right along the sea are still recovering from tsunami damage. That was kind of sad to see...beaches that were white sanded with debris all over them, parts of the sea wall knocked out with orange construction cones around it, and sidewalks covered up by sand. Regardless, it's still beautiful and wonderful and laid back and all around amazing. And so many doggies!! Everywhere there was a dog! That's my kind of city.
Jesse and I kept saying "Can you believe we lived here?!" I continue to be infinitely grateful for the travel experiences I got to have after high school. They were so formative for me... I wish every young person could have one year where they do nothing but travel. I think our world would be a bit of a kinder place.
Anyway, here's my vacation video! (Sorry the resolution isn't better. We are cheap and only pay for slow internet....I did not have the patience to wait for a larger file to load.)
Sunday, May 01, 2011
One Decade Celebration Trip!
We leave for vacation soon, and apparently by saying that, I'm asking you to rob me. I read somewhere recently that you should never post online that you're going on vacation because it just makes you vulnerable to theft. However, I think I'm going to trust that most people who read my blog aren't interested in the 800 square feet of random, well used, really low value items hanging out in my house. But, if you are a thief reading this, let me spare you some time. Skip my place and head down a couple doors to the happy marijuana people...I bet you could find something of value in there, and it's probably green.
Anyway, back to vacation.
No wait, not vacation, first things first: Monkey's biopsy was all clear. She had a vascular tumor, and the main danger of it would have been that it would have kept growing and eventually squished up organs, wind pipes, and other necessary body parts. So it's good it's out and it's good it's not cancer. She gets her sutures out tomorrow and also hopefully receives the "all clear" to romp and play again.
Okay, now back to vacation.
This is going to come as a shock, I know, but we aren't going to Disney World, and I'm being serious.
We're going to Hawaii! It's been 10 years since we met there, started dating there.... it only seemed right to celebrate a decade of coupledom by remembering our roots. (Lucky aren't we, to have such tropical roots?)
We are planning very loosely, but I put these items on our "must-do" vacation list:
1. Snorkeling. Jesse owes me. This is the first thing he ever asked me to do after we met, but when it came time to go, he said it was "too cloudy" and we went to Borders bookstore instead. I remember since I thought we were going snorkeling, I didn't put on any makeup, and I had on old clothes over my swimsuit. When he changed plans last minute, I literally dug dirty clothes out of the laundry basket and threw on a hat since I also hadn't done my hair. It was so stinking hot that day, and humid with the cloud cover. We were walking to Borders, (which was at the top of a hill), and beads of sweat were rolling down my face. Needless to say, even though it was sort of our first (unofficial) date, I was definitely not looking my best. That's okay though... Jesse had burned his (recently shaved) head a couple days before, so he had flakes of skin peeling off his head all day from the sunburn. Quite the attractive couple between the two of us, eh!? Anyway, 10 years later - we better go snorkeling this time.
2. Kayaking at Captain Cook Monument. I never went to this place when I lived there, but I remember lots of friends telling me about it. I guess it's a popular dolphin hang out, so maybe we'll see some doing fun dolphin things.
3. Makalawena Beach. This was my favorite, favorite beach when I lived there. (Unfortunately, I didn't discover it until my final couple months there.) It's a short hike in, and pretty much no one is there. It's possibly the most beautiful place I've ever been in my entire life. Jesse has never seen it, so it's top priority to spend a day there.
4. Hiking Waipi'o Valley. This is a super steep hike - 25% grade, the road plummets 1,000 feet in 1 mile. Can't wait, though it's likely I'll wheeze my way out on the hike back out of the valley. =)
5. Some hang out time at the U of N. Actually, we're staying on the YWAM base (hello cheap accommodations!). It will be fun to see if things are how we remember, and we have a person or two to stop by and pay a short visit. Plus, a few years ago, we bought an engraved brick as part of a fundraiser they were doing, so we have to find our brick.
6. Papakolea Beach. This is another place that Jesse never got to see while he was there. I only went once or twice, but there's something about it worth seeing, even if just for the feeling it creates in you. I find it to be eerily beautiful... no one is really there. It's just this sudden drop where you can climb down to the small green sand beach that's protected by the cove. Part of the eerie is the noise of the wind blowing across South Point. It's a constant howl. Anyway, I think the place feels creepily deserted and powerful, yet also beautiful. We might make a stop at Punaluu Beach on our drive to South Point. The only thing I really remember about Punaluu is the giant sea turtles that hang out on the beach, and how unpleasantly course the black sand is.
As always, we are flying stand by. Flights are looking good right now, and I'm hopeful they stay that way. The nice thing about non-rev is the price. The bad thing about it (among many) is that you often get back-seat-middle and are separated from the people you're traveling with. As such, I spent part of the day reserving books at the library.
Seems weird we are leaving so soon. We usually do fall vacations, and it's pretty much always Disney. It's easy to get hyped up for that (in part because Disney is great at sending propaganda.) Comparatively, I've hardly even thought about this vacation until now.
Horton will be staying with Grandma and his buddy, Riley, while Monkey and Bean are off to be spoiled at Pete & Macs. I admit, I roll my eyes at my own self having them board there. It's expensive, they get all kinds of crazy things, like doggie daycare (aka group doggie playtime), one on one walks, an afternoon Kong treat, a king sized kennel....it's all so very spoiled, white, ridiculous.... I know that. But, I also know it's pretty much the only place where I don't worry about them or spend the evenings feeling sad with mental pictures of them laying cooped up crowded in small metal kennels bored out of their minds with racing anxiety and confusion about what is happening and why their owner abandoned them. They are always happy to go to Pete and Macs and I know they keep them so busy, they burn off any anxiety that they would have about not being at home. Plus, we get super cute doggie "report cards" when we get back that I always hang on the fridge. (Go on, judge me, I don't blame you.)
Anyway, that's pretty much it...next time you hear from me I'll hopefully be sun-tanned, beach-worn, and pineappled-out.
Anyway, back to vacation.
No wait, not vacation, first things first: Monkey's biopsy was all clear. She had a vascular tumor, and the main danger of it would have been that it would have kept growing and eventually squished up organs, wind pipes, and other necessary body parts. So it's good it's out and it's good it's not cancer. She gets her sutures out tomorrow and also hopefully receives the "all clear" to romp and play again.
Okay, now back to vacation.
This is going to come as a shock, I know, but we aren't going to Disney World, and I'm being serious.
We're going to Hawaii! It's been 10 years since we met there, started dating there.... it only seemed right to celebrate a decade of coupledom by remembering our roots. (Lucky aren't we, to have such tropical roots?)
We are planning very loosely, but I put these items on our "must-do" vacation list:
1. Snorkeling. Jesse owes me. This is the first thing he ever asked me to do after we met, but when it came time to go, he said it was "too cloudy" and we went to Borders bookstore instead. I remember since I thought we were going snorkeling, I didn't put on any makeup, and I had on old clothes over my swimsuit. When he changed plans last minute, I literally dug dirty clothes out of the laundry basket and threw on a hat since I also hadn't done my hair. It was so stinking hot that day, and humid with the cloud cover. We were walking to Borders, (which was at the top of a hill), and beads of sweat were rolling down my face. Needless to say, even though it was sort of our first (unofficial) date, I was definitely not looking my best. That's okay though... Jesse had burned his (recently shaved) head a couple days before, so he had flakes of skin peeling off his head all day from the sunburn. Quite the attractive couple between the two of us, eh!? Anyway, 10 years later - we better go snorkeling this time.
2. Kayaking at Captain Cook Monument. I never went to this place when I lived there, but I remember lots of friends telling me about it. I guess it's a popular dolphin hang out, so maybe we'll see some doing fun dolphin things.
3. Makalawena Beach. This was my favorite, favorite beach when I lived there. (Unfortunately, I didn't discover it until my final couple months there.) It's a short hike in, and pretty much no one is there. It's possibly the most beautiful place I've ever been in my entire life. Jesse has never seen it, so it's top priority to spend a day there.
4. Hiking Waipi'o Valley. This is a super steep hike - 25% grade, the road plummets 1,000 feet in 1 mile. Can't wait, though it's likely I'll wheeze my way out on the hike back out of the valley. =)
5. Some hang out time at the U of N. Actually, we're staying on the YWAM base (hello cheap accommodations!). It will be fun to see if things are how we remember, and we have a person or two to stop by and pay a short visit. Plus, a few years ago, we bought an engraved brick as part of a fundraiser they were doing, so we have to find our brick.
6. Papakolea Beach. This is another place that Jesse never got to see while he was there. I only went once or twice, but there's something about it worth seeing, even if just for the feeling it creates in you. I find it to be eerily beautiful... no one is really there. It's just this sudden drop where you can climb down to the small green sand beach that's protected by the cove. Part of the eerie is the noise of the wind blowing across South Point. It's a constant howl. Anyway, I think the place feels creepily deserted and powerful, yet also beautiful. We might make a stop at Punaluu Beach on our drive to South Point. The only thing I really remember about Punaluu is the giant sea turtles that hang out on the beach, and how unpleasantly course the black sand is.
As always, we are flying stand by. Flights are looking good right now, and I'm hopeful they stay that way. The nice thing about non-rev is the price. The bad thing about it (among many) is that you often get back-seat-middle and are separated from the people you're traveling with. As such, I spent part of the day reserving books at the library.
Seems weird we are leaving so soon. We usually do fall vacations, and it's pretty much always Disney. It's easy to get hyped up for that (in part because Disney is great at sending propaganda.) Comparatively, I've hardly even thought about this vacation until now.
Horton will be staying with Grandma and his buddy, Riley, while Monkey and Bean are off to be spoiled at Pete & Macs. I admit, I roll my eyes at my own self having them board there. It's expensive, they get all kinds of crazy things, like doggie daycare (aka group doggie playtime), one on one walks, an afternoon Kong treat, a king sized kennel....it's all so very spoiled, white, ridiculous.... I know that. But, I also know it's pretty much the only place where I don't worry about them or spend the evenings feeling sad with mental pictures of them laying cooped up crowded in small metal kennels bored out of their minds with racing anxiety and confusion about what is happening and why their owner abandoned them. They are always happy to go to Pete and Macs and I know they keep them so busy, they burn off any anxiety that they would have about not being at home. Plus, we get super cute doggie "report cards" when we get back that I always hang on the fridge. (Go on, judge me, I don't blame you.)
Anyway, that's pretty much it...next time you hear from me I'll hopefully be sun-tanned, beach-worn, and pineappled-out.
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