Wednesday, April 29, 2009
10,000 Days
Last night as we were going to bed, Jesse told me that "if I did some math, I would know that tomorrow is a special day". Apparently, today is my 10,000th day alive. (I have yet to do the math to make sure that he calculated correctly.) Anyway, when I woke up, I had a nice card and a couple of ceramic dishes. (I am building up my collection for my dream kitchen.) When I got into the car to go to work, I found another small gift. Then I found two more later in the day. Plus, when I got home from work, he had made dinner, complete with a homemade dessert. I can't complain. Props to the Canuck!
Tuesday, April 28, 2009
All Grown Up
I've noticed a recent increase in the number of photography businesses that have popped up in this area. It got me thinking about where we (as in society) are headed in terms of technology and art. In many ways, despite the increase in the number of photographers, I feel like the art form of photography is slowly dying. Technology is enabling anyone, whether photographically knowledgeable or not, to be "a photographer". Digital cameras are becoming so good and so readily available that the average person can take some pretty good shots on the automatic mode. Likewise, photo editing software can do virtually anything and correct any mistake that you may have made while taking the photo. All of this definitely has big positives, but it also has some negatives. Good photographers are, in essence, no longer required.
It's almost like we are shifting from one art form to another. Photography itself is dying, but in the wake is another art form rising - digital manipulation of images.
I love the idea of new art forms, but I have to say, I kind of mourn the loss of those which they replace.
Jesse and I had many conversations when we lived in Tennessee that alluded to this very issue. For the longest time, he was very adamant that he would never go digital. He wanted to keep his film camera, keep his dark room equipment and stick with it. As his business grew, it became clear that if he wanted to stay in the world of photography, he would need to make the transition to digital. So, he did. That was 7 years ago. Today, digital has pretty much replaced film. Photographers who are going to school now won't be trained in dark room as much as they will be in Photo Shop. Chemicals and processing are a thing of the past. And, as a sad result, instead of adding art forms, we exchanged them.
While I know nothing about photography in terms of the technicalities and I in no way consider myself a photographer, nor am I even really all that interested in the art, I feel like I am mourning the loss of it. Not just because Jesse was a photographer, but just because. What I see happening with photography right now, I fear will shortly fall upon painters. I think on so many levels, I am concerned about where we are letting technology take us and what we are giving up in order to get there.
In so many ways, it is a good thing. Obviously, I'm thankful for technology. I love that we can Skype our family in Canada. I love that I can read blogs. I love that I can send messages instantly. I love that I can call Jesse while he's at the grocery store to tell him I forgot to add cereal to the list. I love that I don't have to know about photography to take decent photos. I love that in one glance of my computer screen, I can know exactly what 20 of my friends are doing on any given day.
But, sometimes I feel a bit sad about it all. It's like we've lost something along the way. Art, the ability to be alone with ourselves and feel okay about that, and a gratitude for the human connection are just a few areas that bring a hint of bittersweet sadness when I think about technology.
But, we can't be stagnant.
Maybe I am just getting older and that is my real issue. I'm to that age where I can't keep up with technology and trends, even though I feel like I am very young and should be up to date with the latest and greatest. Hallie recently told Jesse that she "played on the smart board". It brought on a conversation where Jesse and I reminisced about chalkboards. I thought to myself how different my kids school days will be from my own. And maybe every generation feels this at some point. It's like you just barely blink and suddenly you are a grown up and don't really know how it happened.
It's almost like we are shifting from one art form to another. Photography itself is dying, but in the wake is another art form rising - digital manipulation of images.
I love the idea of new art forms, but I have to say, I kind of mourn the loss of those which they replace.
Jesse and I had many conversations when we lived in Tennessee that alluded to this very issue. For the longest time, he was very adamant that he would never go digital. He wanted to keep his film camera, keep his dark room equipment and stick with it. As his business grew, it became clear that if he wanted to stay in the world of photography, he would need to make the transition to digital. So, he did. That was 7 years ago. Today, digital has pretty much replaced film. Photographers who are going to school now won't be trained in dark room as much as they will be in Photo Shop. Chemicals and processing are a thing of the past. And, as a sad result, instead of adding art forms, we exchanged them.
While I know nothing about photography in terms of the technicalities and I in no way consider myself a photographer, nor am I even really all that interested in the art, I feel like I am mourning the loss of it. Not just because Jesse was a photographer, but just because. What I see happening with photography right now, I fear will shortly fall upon painters. I think on so many levels, I am concerned about where we are letting technology take us and what we are giving up in order to get there.
In so many ways, it is a good thing. Obviously, I'm thankful for technology. I love that we can Skype our family in Canada. I love that I can read blogs. I love that I can send messages instantly. I love that I can call Jesse while he's at the grocery store to tell him I forgot to add cereal to the list. I love that I don't have to know about photography to take decent photos. I love that in one glance of my computer screen, I can know exactly what 20 of my friends are doing on any given day.
But, sometimes I feel a bit sad about it all. It's like we've lost something along the way. Art, the ability to be alone with ourselves and feel okay about that, and a gratitude for the human connection are just a few areas that bring a hint of bittersweet sadness when I think about technology.
But, we can't be stagnant.
Maybe I am just getting older and that is my real issue. I'm to that age where I can't keep up with technology and trends, even though I feel like I am very young and should be up to date with the latest and greatest. Hallie recently told Jesse that she "played on the smart board". It brought on a conversation where Jesse and I reminisced about chalkboards. I thought to myself how different my kids school days will be from my own. And maybe every generation feels this at some point. It's like you just barely blink and suddenly you are a grown up and don't really know how it happened.
Sunday, April 26, 2009
Hernie and Other Stuff
Jesse (who I now call "Hernie") survived his surgery last Monday and is recovering pretty well. He has a good 4 1/2" slice, so it will be a while before he will be able to fully bend or do all the things he used to do. All in all though, I think things went as smoothly as they possibly could. The post-surgery, druggie Jesse is much more social than the regular Jesse. He had me laughing a lot in his little recovery area, though I felt kind of bad for doing so. He was chatting up the nurse, the anesthesiologist, pretty much anyone who came by, recounting the story of his Nicaraguan EKG, asking for some rum with his post-surgery Coke, and just generally being a social butterfly. Because of his meds, he hasn't been allowed to drive. I think he was starting to feel a lot of cabin fever, so we went out yesterday to grab a bite to eat and do a bit of shopping. We are hoping he is totally med-free by Monday and will be able to go out and about to prevent the stir-crazy. We still don't know if worker's comp is approving it or not, so we don't know when he will go back to work. It's all very complicated with the union and worker's comp stuff. If they (worker's comp) don't approve it, he can't go back to work for 6 weeks, because he has to have full release from the surgeon to perform all parts of his job, and the surgeon of course won't release him to lift anything over 20 lbs for at least 6 weeks. But, if they do approve it, then he can go back to work right away, under the "light duty" label, and work upstairs at the ticker counter. So, right now we are in limbo, waiting to hear the outcome of all that.
Otherwise, I have 14 days of school left and I'm feeling pretty happy about that! It will be a busy couple weeks, finishing up papers and taking finals, but it will be so nice to be done! I still haven't heard about the grad school decision, but we have pretty much decided I would say no anyway. I am really liking my new job and don't want to give it up. Plus, I guess they are moving part of the program or expanding or something, because they called me last week to ask if I would be willing to do one semester at SFSU and then move to New Jersey to do the practicum. Nothing against Jersey, but it's not high on my list of places I'd like to move. In fact, it's right near the bottom, just above Kentucky and Tennessee. So, grad school is pretty much out of the equation at this point. Which means, now that we know I'm not moving across the country, we can look at putting new windows in the house, planning vacation, and fun stuff like that!
In any case, I'm off to the dog shelter soon to fall in love with more pups, wonder why in the world no one wants to take them home, and then wish so badly that I could. We have some real gems in the shelter right now. Anyway, I should wrap up the blogging, but I will leave you with some shelter trivia.
(I follow Wayne Pacelle's blog, which is where I get all these facts from. He is the main man of the Humane Society.)
30 years ago, 15-20 million dogs and cats were euthanized annually. Today, that number is down to about 4 million, which is super happy, amazing progress, but still also sad because it's totally preventable. Bob Barker said it best: "Please have your pet spayed or neutered."
Currently, only about 20% of dogs (in homes) come from shelters and rescue groups. If that number increased to just 35%, the issue of euthanasia and homeless dogs would be nearly solved. And that is huge, not just for animal welfare, but think about the number of tax dollars that get funneled into this issue - imagine all the other places we could use that revenue.
And though I love a good mutt (Horton and Monkey!), there are a number of pure bred pups (Abe and Riley!) in shelters and rescues groups - at least a quarter of them are pure bred.
So, yeah for shelters and doggies! Saturday is our biggest adoption day, so here's hoping I get some good news this afternoon...
Otherwise, I have 14 days of school left and I'm feeling pretty happy about that! It will be a busy couple weeks, finishing up papers and taking finals, but it will be so nice to be done! I still haven't heard about the grad school decision, but we have pretty much decided I would say no anyway. I am really liking my new job and don't want to give it up. Plus, I guess they are moving part of the program or expanding or something, because they called me last week to ask if I would be willing to do one semester at SFSU and then move to New Jersey to do the practicum. Nothing against Jersey, but it's not high on my list of places I'd like to move. In fact, it's right near the bottom, just above Kentucky and Tennessee. So, grad school is pretty much out of the equation at this point. Which means, now that we know I'm not moving across the country, we can look at putting new windows in the house, planning vacation, and fun stuff like that!
In any case, I'm off to the dog shelter soon to fall in love with more pups, wonder why in the world no one wants to take them home, and then wish so badly that I could. We have some real gems in the shelter right now. Anyway, I should wrap up the blogging, but I will leave you with some shelter trivia.
(I follow Wayne Pacelle's blog, which is where I get all these facts from. He is the main man of the Humane Society.)
30 years ago, 15-20 million dogs and cats were euthanized annually. Today, that number is down to about 4 million, which is super happy, amazing progress, but still also sad because it's totally preventable. Bob Barker said it best: "Please have your pet spayed or neutered."
Currently, only about 20% of dogs (in homes) come from shelters and rescue groups. If that number increased to just 35%, the issue of euthanasia and homeless dogs would be nearly solved. And that is huge, not just for animal welfare, but think about the number of tax dollars that get funneled into this issue - imagine all the other places we could use that revenue.
And though I love a good mutt (Horton and Monkey!), there are a number of pure bred pups (Abe and Riley!) in shelters and rescues groups - at least a quarter of them are pure bred.
So, yeah for shelters and doggies! Saturday is our biggest adoption day, so here's hoping I get some good news this afternoon...
Thursday, April 16, 2009
Roller Coaster Life
It is definitely time for a new post, as otherwise, every time I log into my google account, I see the heading "Goodbye, Old Friend" and immediately feel my heart sink.
First, thank you everyone who e-mailed us, left a comment, stopped by, or called in regards to Abe. Little things make a big difference and it was special to us to know that others were thinking of him. For anyone who doesn't know, we got Abe when we lived in Colorado. We had just come off a very rough and utterly soul-deflating time at Mercy Ships. We didn't have any family there, and we only had a hand full of friends (if even that). In many ways, life was so very lonely. Getting Horton and Abe was like a breath of fresh air...two creatures who loved us just for us and had no agenda for changing us or improving upon our personalities. For that reason, and many others, Abe was one special pup. So thank you all for realizing what he meant to me...for not mocking me for being so heartbroken "over a dog"...and for letting me cry and hurt.
I don't know if I will ever stop missing Abe, but life has given me plenty to smile about.
Like tonight... I got home from work to find this:
Yes, that's Jesse just hanging out in the tub, reading a magazine...wearing nothing except a fleece and toque...and yep, that's a big bag of ice...just when I thought it couldn't get weirder. I'm emphatically told that "Runners do it". Something about drawing acid out of the legs and making it not hurt so much the next day. (He had completed his 15 mile run this afternoon.) Whatever the reason, I just think it's too funny to come home and find your husband sitting in a tub of ice water, wearing a toque, casually reading a magazine as if there is nothing strange about the situation...and the fact that he is Canadian is the icing on the cake.
Anyway, speaking of getting home from work... I start a new job next week! It's at a non-profit that I used to volunteer with when I was in high school. I'm still a little bit in shock....a job I actually want?? A job with co-workers I like?? An organization I could actually see myself staying with for years?? *Gasp!* Could it really be?? I will say though, while I'm excited and still a bit in awe that it all worked out how it did, when it did, I am nervous. The whole "is this too good to be true" type of thing... It's full time, doing some administrative and accounting stuff. As my mother-in-law can attest, I don't know terribly much accounting. She pretty much taught me what I know and the rest I learned by fumbling my way around Quick Books. I hope that I was able to portray an honest evaluation of what I do/don't know in the interviews. I think I am a quick learner, but I am a bit intimidated as it sounds like a pretty complex system they have going. So, I just hope I can do a good job and that I can bring something to the table that can be valued - and in that last part, I'm not just talking tasks - I can't handle a Mercy Ships repeat, so let's hope this round is redemption.
In any case, so next week is a big week not only because of the job, but also because Jesse has his big surgery on Monday. We have been preparing: trial Netflix subscription, check. Bed to set up in living room, check. Grocery shopping for "get better soon" food, check. I think he will do just fine, but I know whatever happens we will get through it.
In the meantime, I will leave with you some photos of none other than us and the dogs! I think I have set a record for dog photos/posts in the last month. So much happening in the doggie world, you know...
First, thank you everyone who e-mailed us, left a comment, stopped by, or called in regards to Abe. Little things make a big difference and it was special to us to know that others were thinking of him. For anyone who doesn't know, we got Abe when we lived in Colorado. We had just come off a very rough and utterly soul-deflating time at Mercy Ships. We didn't have any family there, and we only had a hand full of friends (if even that). In many ways, life was so very lonely. Getting Horton and Abe was like a breath of fresh air...two creatures who loved us just for us and had no agenda for changing us or improving upon our personalities. For that reason, and many others, Abe was one special pup. So thank you all for realizing what he meant to me...for not mocking me for being so heartbroken "over a dog"...and for letting me cry and hurt.
I don't know if I will ever stop missing Abe, but life has given me plenty to smile about.
Like tonight... I got home from work to find this:
Yes, that's Jesse just hanging out in the tub, reading a magazine...wearing nothing except a fleece and toque...and yep, that's a big bag of ice...just when I thought it couldn't get weirder. I'm emphatically told that "Runners do it". Something about drawing acid out of the legs and making it not hurt so much the next day. (He had completed his 15 mile run this afternoon.) Whatever the reason, I just think it's too funny to come home and find your husband sitting in a tub of ice water, wearing a toque, casually reading a magazine as if there is nothing strange about the situation...and the fact that he is Canadian is the icing on the cake.
Anyway, speaking of getting home from work... I start a new job next week! It's at a non-profit that I used to volunteer with when I was in high school. I'm still a little bit in shock....a job I actually want?? A job with co-workers I like?? An organization I could actually see myself staying with for years?? *Gasp!* Could it really be?? I will say though, while I'm excited and still a bit in awe that it all worked out how it did, when it did, I am nervous. The whole "is this too good to be true" type of thing... It's full time, doing some administrative and accounting stuff. As my mother-in-law can attest, I don't know terribly much accounting. She pretty much taught me what I know and the rest I learned by fumbling my way around Quick Books. I hope that I was able to portray an honest evaluation of what I do/don't know in the interviews. I think I am a quick learner, but I am a bit intimidated as it sounds like a pretty complex system they have going. So, I just hope I can do a good job and that I can bring something to the table that can be valued - and in that last part, I'm not just talking tasks - I can't handle a Mercy Ships repeat, so let's hope this round is redemption.
In any case, so next week is a big week not only because of the job, but also because Jesse has his big surgery on Monday. We have been preparing: trial Netflix subscription, check. Bed to set up in living room, check. Grocery shopping for "get better soon" food, check. I think he will do just fine, but I know whatever happens we will get through it.
In the meantime, I will leave with you some photos of none other than us and the dogs! I think I have set a record for dog photos/posts in the last month. So much happening in the doggie world, you know...
Monday, April 13, 2009
Goodbye, Old Friend
Dear Abe,
I don't know how to say bye to you. I'm so sorry it ended like this. I wish it didn't have to be this way. I wish I could have given you better in your final days. I wish you didn't hurt. I wish I could take all the pain away. I hope I didn't keep you here too long. I hope I didn't keep you here too short. I hope I wasn't blind to your pain because I selfishly just wanted to keep you with me forever. I don't know why the world can be so cruel sometimes. I know you didn't deserve the cards life handed you. I have so many good memories because of you. You will always stay in a deep, deep place in my heart. You were so determined in everything. I guess you knew you were coming into a house full of stubborn heads, and decided in your heart to outdo all of us. You kept us up for hours when it thundered outside. You shredded the mini blinds when Jesse and I went to the U2 concert. You ran through my mom's screen door and knocked the entire thing out. You barked and barked and barked. And when we'd scold you, you would squint up your eyes and look to the side and you made it so hard for us to be serious because of your funny, mischievous face. You sass barked me under your breath every time I made you stop something. You always made me laugh. And when I'd cry, you would hunker down and leave the room. You didn't ever want to see me sad. And at night when I was home alone, you comforted me. The sound of your breath at the foot of the bed made me feel like I wasn't so alone, and the world wasn't so scary. I hope I was able to give you at least some of that feeling today, but I wish I could have done better. I'll miss your courage, your heart, your happy, alert ears bobbing up and down on walks, your big, deep bark, your monster paw reaching out to me for attention. There is nothing about you I won't miss - nothing. I hope you know that. You will always be my Big Abe, and you will always be loved. Goodbye, old friend.
I don't know how to say bye to you. I'm so sorry it ended like this. I wish it didn't have to be this way. I wish I could have given you better in your final days. I wish you didn't hurt. I wish I could take all the pain away. I hope I didn't keep you here too long. I hope I didn't keep you here too short. I hope I wasn't blind to your pain because I selfishly just wanted to keep you with me forever. I don't know why the world can be so cruel sometimes. I know you didn't deserve the cards life handed you. I have so many good memories because of you. You will always stay in a deep, deep place in my heart. You were so determined in everything. I guess you knew you were coming into a house full of stubborn heads, and decided in your heart to outdo all of us. You kept us up for hours when it thundered outside. You shredded the mini blinds when Jesse and I went to the U2 concert. You ran through my mom's screen door and knocked the entire thing out. You barked and barked and barked. And when we'd scold you, you would squint up your eyes and look to the side and you made it so hard for us to be serious because of your funny, mischievous face. You sass barked me under your breath every time I made you stop something. You always made me laugh. And when I'd cry, you would hunker down and leave the room. You didn't ever want to see me sad. And at night when I was home alone, you comforted me. The sound of your breath at the foot of the bed made me feel like I wasn't so alone, and the world wasn't so scary. I hope I was able to give you at least some of that feeling today, but I wish I could have done better. I'll miss your courage, your heart, your happy, alert ears bobbing up and down on walks, your big, deep bark, your monster paw reaching out to me for attention. There is nothing about you I won't miss - nothing. I hope you know that. You will always be my Big Abe, and you will always be loved. Goodbye, old friend.
Thursday, April 02, 2009
Mastery
I've been thinking a lot lately about mastery. There are many people I know who have had a straight path in their career, and who have essentially become masters of their domain. They know specific, in-depth information about their field. My mom, for instance - as far as I know, she wanted to be a teacher as a child and grew up to be one. She now knows a ton about kids, child development, disorders, legal issues within education. Essentially, I consider her an "expert" on the topic. Other friends of mine wanted to be doctors from the time they were 10, and off to med school they went and are now practicing. They are medical experts.
And then there's people like me. When I was a kid, I can remember wanting to be a number of things: marine biologist, real estate agent, actress, missionary, vet, interior designer, midwife, surgeon... I never just "knew" what I wanted like some people seem to know. As a result, today I have a wide range of shallow knowledge on a number of topics. No doubt a result of my trying a number of career and educational paths. I can tell you about various cultures, dog training, art, the entire flea life cycle, accounting, and even spell it all out for you in sign language if you really wanted...accented with a few French or Spanish phrases here and there. While I can tell you the basics of those topics and many more, I can't give you in-depth knowledge about any of them (nor can I speak fluently in ASL, French, or Spanish). I am not an expert at anything. Whereas, some people know a lot about a little (experts), I know a little about a lot (jack of all trades perhaps?) (Disclaimer: Just in case that last sentence came out wrong - I'm not saying experts don't know anything outside of their field, I'm just pointing out how deep their knowledge of one specific field goes.)
I suppose both have their right place in society, but I must admit I do at times envy the experts. How did one topic capture and hold your attention so that you were able to learn and grow so deep and rich in it? Did you ever wonder if you were missing out on anything else? Is it just a matter of discipline? Are jack of all trades people like me just basically flaky or are we brave?
It's just that, few things in my life have "stuck" and I don't know why. I know it's not for the lack of sincerity, but I suppose I get bored and want to move on to the next shiny thing that catches my eye. Does this just mean I haven't found my "thing" or is this just an inherent part of my personality, where I'm forever doomed to wander to and fro?
Sigh. Who knows.
At least the biggest commitment I ever made has stuck. One "thing" that still holds my attention, fascinates my mind, and warms my heart. But, last time I checked they weren't hiring experts on Mr. Nikkel.
And then there's people like me. When I was a kid, I can remember wanting to be a number of things: marine biologist, real estate agent, actress, missionary, vet, interior designer, midwife, surgeon... I never just "knew" what I wanted like some people seem to know. As a result, today I have a wide range of shallow knowledge on a number of topics. No doubt a result of my trying a number of career and educational paths. I can tell you about various cultures, dog training, art, the entire flea life cycle, accounting, and even spell it all out for you in sign language if you really wanted...accented with a few French or Spanish phrases here and there. While I can tell you the basics of those topics and many more, I can't give you in-depth knowledge about any of them (nor can I speak fluently in ASL, French, or Spanish). I am not an expert at anything. Whereas, some people know a lot about a little (experts), I know a little about a lot (jack of all trades perhaps?) (Disclaimer: Just in case that last sentence came out wrong - I'm not saying experts don't know anything outside of their field, I'm just pointing out how deep their knowledge of one specific field goes.)
I suppose both have their right place in society, but I must admit I do at times envy the experts. How did one topic capture and hold your attention so that you were able to learn and grow so deep and rich in it? Did you ever wonder if you were missing out on anything else? Is it just a matter of discipline? Are jack of all trades people like me just basically flaky or are we brave?
It's just that, few things in my life have "stuck" and I don't know why. I know it's not for the lack of sincerity, but I suppose I get bored and want to move on to the next shiny thing that catches my eye. Does this just mean I haven't found my "thing" or is this just an inherent part of my personality, where I'm forever doomed to wander to and fro?
Sigh. Who knows.
At least the biggest commitment I ever made has stuck. One "thing" that still holds my attention, fascinates my mind, and warms my heart. But, last time I checked they weren't hiring experts on Mr. Nikkel.
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