Our Little

Last night we met our "Little". He's 9 (going on 10 in just a few weeks). We went to his house, where we met his mom and our caseworker. Then we filled out agency rules/regulations, all that jazz. And lastly, we got to take him out for a quick 45 minutes. It went by very fast. We went to Winstead's, had sundaes, and asked him lots of questions about stuff he likes. His older brother was also meeting his Big for the first time, so they were there too. When we first got there, one of the boys mentioned Star Wars, and both boys got all excited about Star Wars and this video game. The other Big that was there also knew all about it so they were all talking excitedly. Jesse and I know nothing about Star Wars (nor do we really even like it) or video games. As this conversation is happening, I was just thinking Oh crap. What have we done? We don't know anything that 9 year old boys like. What if we are totally lame to this kid? What are we going to have in common?... and slightly freaking out. One of our biggest fears about the whole thing was finding a kid who would at least be into some stuff that we are, and would actually like us. Most profiles are for kids who like sports, video games, tv...none of which Jesse and I really do, so we were worried about this. Anyway, so it started off a bit overwhelming for us (well, me at least - Jesse can speak for himself). All in all though, I think it's going to be really good. I realized that just because I can't hold my own in a debate about which light saber or fighting technique to use in Whatever Wars Two Something Game, doesn't mean that this kid can't totally have a blast with us, and that we can't influence his life for the better. I realized that he gets his fair share of Star Wars and video games at home, so we can offer experiences that he would otherwise never have - taking him ice skating (which he said he really wants to do..yay!), playing with clay, teaching him how to use power tools (gentle ones at first, of course), showing him how to change the oil in a car, stuff like that, which he is highly unlikely to be exposed to at home. I do struggle a bit with where my place is in it though. We chose to be a Big Couple instead of each having our own Little, which meant that we would have a little boy. So, Jesse's place is clear, in that he has a chance to become this child's male role model, being that he doesn't have a Dad around. For me, I'm still figuring out my place. It may have something to do with marriage in general. Recently, through some of my classes, I have realized that I fight a spiritual battle simply by being and maintaining a happy and healthy marriage. There are few in the world compared to lousy ones, broken ones, or divorced ones. Simply showing the world, (especially a child who has seen everything but), that marriage can work must surely count for something. And I know that I don't even necessarily need to have some grand purpose or do some amazing thing in this kid's life, but still, even in my daily life, I find myself constantly searching for a reason and purpose, and feeling lost and sad without one. I know I can't save the whole world, but surely in my little corner of it, I can make things look a bit brighter. Maybe I am still figuring out how to do that - and especially now, in context of this new relationship.