Coupons

Anyone know of a good site where I can print manufacturer's coupons? I already have the Betty Crocker ones, but am looking for any others. I am on a coupon mission recently.

Blessings and Fear

Actually, one more note (see the addiction in action!!).

I have been thinking a lot over the last few weeks about blessing and fear. It seems the older I get, the more I fear random things. A car accident, Jesse getting hurt at work, the house catching on fire when I leave...random things. I have been trying to figure out why this increase. Five, ten years ago, these things rarely crossed my mind. I think I came to a conclusion. The older I get, the more I realize I have to lose. With each passing year, it seems my blessings increase. I have so much. I could lose it all. It's made me think of that age old question, if you knew you were going to die in a few days, what would you do? And, last night I came to the conclusion that I wouldn't do much. I would want to sit in my mom's living room, eat some dinner with family, eat some cookies, chat and laugh. That's pretty much it. And I get to do that quite often. Which, makes me realize, I have a cup overflowing. Sure, there are other things I'd like to have, but I know the timing isn't right for them yet, so I don't long for them much. Today, right now, I have my dreams. I have other dreams too that I have not seen, but I know that they are dreams for another day. Therefore, right here, right now, I have it all. That is pretty stinking amazing and makes me linger right on the edge of understandng a wee bit more about the eternal-ality of God.

Addicted

Ever wonder if everyone is addicted to something? I don't drink caffeine. Don't smoke. I can turn down sweets if my willpower is feeling up to it. Don't exercise like a fiend. Don't religiously watch any tv shows. But then comes times like tonight when I just can't stop. I have felt like there are a million things to do and take care of this week, in large majority things that don't necessarily have to be done right now, but things that I want to do right now. Others, like my schoolwork, have deadlines. After spending Tuesday in Chicago, I felt a little behind on things. Yesterday I decided to work on school for the majority of the day and after plowing through a lot, I felt really good...but there was still lots to be done. So today I decided I would work on school as much as possible again, with some other needed errands in there as well. I made a list of things that I wanted to get done today, and I reached the end of the list about an hour ago. So I made another list. It's a list of all the things I want to get done tomorrow. And it seems bigger than today's list. Some things need to be done, others aren't pressing, but still, I want to get them done. After I made my list, I figured it was time to get ready for bed. So I did. Then I looked at my list, and realized that most of it, I can't do tonight, unless I want to leave it half done, and I have a really hard time stopping in the middle of something and leaving it uncompleted. So then I realized that I really don't have anything to do tonight. So I made up some things, like blogging. I definitely need to blog tonight, I tell myself. In actuality, I know I need to go to bed. I need some sleep. But my mind isn't tired like my body is. I think it's too excited. Which is actually really a very good problem to have. But the problem with that problem is that if it continues, you just get really tired and eventually you crash and burn. And I know myself. I can tell when I am heading for a crash. But something about me just can't stop myself. I keep going. It's like a fixation, and the more I do, the higher I feel. It's this cycle of doing that starts out getting this rush from accomplishment, then the accomplishment becomes drudgery, but I am still addicted. I have to do more to get the same high, so I push myself even harder, until I crash and have to spend a full day or two recovering. Then, feeling refreshed from having done nothing, I start all over again, and the first thing I accomplish gives me a little high. So I do more. And then more again. And the cycle continues. Man, it must be hard to be on crack. I am sure that sounds funny, but really, it must be just awful. I think of how hard I would cling to my list of things to do if someone were to take it away from me tomorrow and tell me to do nothing on it. I would be like a vicious crazed woman. In all actuality, God himself is probably the only one who could tear me apart from working my way down that list. How much harder it would be if it were an actual substance. Anyway, so in life, are we all just crack pots of sorts, only we each have a different label for crack? Or am I just a crack pot who needs to go to bed? Probably the second. All right. Good night people.

Operation Furniture

So today was the day. Jesse and I got up fairly early (well, early for me, but late for Jesse now that he is on his new 5am work shift) and caught a flight to Chicago. Then we headed off to Ikea to do some furniture shopping. All things considered, it went pretty well. There were a few glitches, but nothing too major. The fabrics that I had picked out for our two chairs were quite disappointing in person, so we decided to go with a plain neutral color instead. We figured it would work out well because that fabric would then match the fabric on the love seat thing that we had picked out. So all was good. Then we went to pick everything up from the warehouse section, and they were out of the sofa cushion covers in the neutral color that we wanted. The only other option was navy, which won't go at all with my Sherwin Williams "spicy hue" walls and yellow curtains that we found two days ago. So, we decided to not get any covers, and I will look for fabric and then get some help from my mom making covers. So, all was well...until we realized that another part of our plan had gone awry. We had planned to check the chair cushions as our luggage for the way back home, and then ship all of the frames, plus the couch cushions back via Fed Ex with Jesse's discount. (All were oversized for airline limits.) We had pictured all of these things, frames, and cushions, being in boxes, so we could just slap our address on and we'd be good to go. Well, the cushions were only in a thin film of plastic. So, we figured we would try to find some place with plastic wrap (keep in mind, we don't have a clue where anything is, and had only printed off directions to Ikea)....then on the way toward the check out, we thought of an even better idea, to buy a roll of trash bags, and cover them with those, and then use the rest of the bags. Cheaper we figured. So we get in line, and I see this bin of tarps, and decide that a huge tarp would be an even better idea so that we didn't have to drive anywhere and find a place with craft paper or trash bags. Although, we still needed packing tape, but we figured surely we could find a place that had that. Fortunately for us, we passed an Office Max on our way out, and stopped by to get the tape. Then the problem comes...."where do we wrap these up at?" The parking lot seemed to be the only option. So, Jesse rolls out this tarp in the parking lot (and it just so happened to be over the lunch hour and some people were sitting in their cars making phone calls and snacking, while happily watching the two freaks in the parking lot). Anyway, so the tarps goes out and Jesse starts taping up these cushions on the parking lot cement. We get those all settled and off to Fed Ex we go (with some navigational errors thrown in there). We get to Fed Ex and discover Jesse's discount is only good on overnight and 2 day air. Not good. We decided to ship them ground as planned, and it actually only ended up being about 25 bucks more than what we had estimated for. Anyway, by this time, it's about 3:30 and we hadn't eaten yet, so we were both feeling tired and worn out. (The sad point of the day was that I had packed my Nalgene bottle, but we forgot it in the terminal at KCI and it is long lost.) Anyway, so we decided to just go back to the airport and find a spot to grab a bite to eat. We ended up having overpriced salads and ice cream cones. But they sure did hit the spot! And in the end, we just barely squeezed on the flight back to KC. It was a full load, but much to Jesse's delight, he still got to sit first class (me too, but not beside him). About 8:15 and we were back home petting our dogs. Ahhh....

Some Stuff

I just finished writing an essay analyzing one of Gandhi's writings. No better fun on a Friday afternoon. Jesse is back to work today. I think it's always hard for him to go back after a few days off in a row. And to top it off, he is working a double tonight! I am now job hunting yet again. I applied for one or two jobs and have a few that I'm considering, but we will just wait and see how it all plays out. After getting laid off, I called the realtor and told her about it. She said she didn't think it would be a big deal and we could probably get approved for our loan just on Jesse's income. Then I talked to her again and she had verified with the underwrite, who said he thought I would need income as well. Then I talked to her again, and she said she thinks it's now going to go through because "the computer gave it an approval". It still has to go to the underwriter though. Back and forth back and forth making me crazy. I feel stress and pressure to get a job asap, then I don't. Then I do, then I don't. It's a good time. Jesse actually found a temporary job that he is going to do for the next few weeks (or at least until we close on the house). It's at some bank doing data entry. Even if we don't end up needing it for the loan, it will be nice to have the extra cash. I even struck up a deal with him this morning that if I find a job that I actually enjoy within the next month, then he can take half of what he makes at his temporary job and buy anything he wants (read: amazingly expensive unjustifiable camera toy). I decided my big splurge day will be when I finally graduate. Screw the student loans for a month. I am going to take my (hopefully) fat salary and buy Jesse something nice and buy myself something nice. Then I will buckle back down and pay off all the debt. (Not that I am getting a degree to get a fat salary. In fact, the way my life seems to be, I will probably end up being a volunteer who happens to have a PhD. Wouldn't that be kick in the pants funny?) Actually, if I actually finish out this goal at all, I might crap myself. Right now, it seems really really far away (because it is), and really really unattainable. But I just tell myself that I am going to do it. Maybe just to have something to do. Although, university is an awfully expensive hobby. But, this is the first time in my life that I actually like my classes, well, my psychology classes that is. I feel like it's the best fit I have ever had in my life, but if I wonder a lot if I am going to be strong enough/smart enough/determined enough/good enough to go all the way to a PhD. Plus, kids. What about kids? Once they come around, all of life priorities will change and all of my daily agenda will become baby's daily agenda. I doubt a one year old with a wet diaper would really care if I needed to study. Wet bottoms are no fun, after all. Maybe looking at it in big chunks like that isn't really the best approach. One day at a time will be easier to make it than ten years at a time. So today, I will take my psychology quiz. I will turn in my rhetorical essay. I will read some lectures. And eventually, one day, Jesse will make reservations at a restaurant for "Dr. and Mr. Nikkel". And I will probably laugh. One day.

A Long Awaited Conclusion

I realized something last night. I don't fall in love with my heart. I fall in love with my mind. That probably doesn't sound significant to anyone, but for me, this is revelation in application to my life. I have wrestled with this issue of heart vs. mind for years. Does the heart control the mind, or does the mind control the heart? For every person who could tell me it was one way or the other, I could think of reasons opposite it and could never settle on my decision. Anyway, this realization came to me last night when I checking up on some blogs that I often read. One of them is a guy named Dale. He was Jesse's youth pastor back in the day, and a man that I am quite thankful influenced my husband. In any case, one of his posts brought up some interesting comments, one of which is Jesse's. When I read it, I smiled because it reminded me of just exactly why I love Jesse so much. It's his mind. There is no one in the world whom I am more impressed with their way of thinking. When you combine that with some stubbornness and wit, you get a pretty intimidating combo that I think few people really are willing to even attempt to rival. After all, people like Jesse can argue any side of anything, whether or not they believe it, and they can do it fiercely and quickly - and they don't back down. I remember the first time we met. I came to a few conclusions about him. It was obvious to me that he was very intelligent. But he also made a lot of arrogant and rude comments. I remember just raising my eyebrows up at him and thinking "Bring it on. I will prove you so wrong." He was, in essence, a challenge to me. I didn't necessarily think I'd end up marrying him, but I sure knew I wanted to see him again at least enough times for him to realize that he was wrong. One of the things he said to me was that after three weeks he would "never see me again for the rest of his life". At the time of our first meeting, I didn't really care about seeing him again for the sake of seeing him, but more for the sake of proving to him that yes, he did see me again, and that would mean, that he was indeed wrong. It seemed that upon our first meeting, not many people had really proved him wrong. You could just tell by the very faint underlying cockiness in his words. He could say anything to anyone, because he knew he could (and did) outwit them and "win". Anyway, so when I found out he lived in Calgary (or that's at least what he told me that day), I smiled big and said "Really? I'm going to be in Calgary this summer visiting a friend". And at that moment, I determined that I would make sure that I saw him in Calgary, after Kona. Eat that buddy! I thought. The ironic thing is, neither of us really got to prove the other wrong. We ended up liking each other and making plans to see each other after Kona. The "HA! You're wrong!" factor sort of loses it's effect if you plan for it. Anyway, it has taken me five years, but I have finally realized why I was willing to marry this guy from Canada that I hardly knew. It was because I fell in love with his mind the first time I caught a glimpse of it, and that for me, was enough. Whatever else this mind came with, no matter how bad, was worth it. This mind could captivate mine for the rest of my life. I have never met anyone else like that. Emotions come and go, and you can have them with nearly anyone given the right circumstances and special effects. But a mind that can draw you into it day after day? That is rare. I have realize that the heart is fickle and will settle for something that only selfishly satisfies it, and nothing else. But the mind isn't as easily romanced. The mind makes the heart restless, because the mind knows the heart can't even trust itself. And I think I finally have my conclusion - that it is the mind that wears the pants in this relationship.

Ironic

Life is ironic. Just last night and this morning I was thinking about how everything is falling back into place again. The checkbook is finally showing black ink instead of red....Jesse and I are starting our weekly date nights up again....we have a house under contract....flowers are blooming...the grass is green again....spring is in the air....everything is swell. Then today about an hour before it was time for me to leave work, my boss called me into her office. Usually not a good sign. Today was my last day of work. (Don't worry, I wasn't fired...I got laid off.) I knew that I was going to be laid off. I took the job knowing that it was seasonal. But, I thought it was seasonal until at least late May. In fact, during my interview, the lady told me it usually lasted until mid-June. Anyway, in my mind, the "swellness" of life recently was in part due to the fact that I had this seasonal job that was helping to earn enough extra money for things like appliances and furniture, and some padding in the savings account for when I got laid off to help us through until I got called back. Well, so much for that. And even though I knew I was going to get laid off, the abruptness of it still stung a little, and my mind immediately began racing. How will this affect our loan? Are we going to lose the house over this? Should I call the realtor and tell them or should I just not say anything and hope they don't check back into job verification again before we close? What about this and that?.... And what's even more of a kick in the pants, is that just this morning, the temp agency called me offering a temp-to-hire part time job that I said no to!! Between the hours of 4 and 5, I flipped back forth between Should I call the temp agency and see if the position is still open? No I haven't talked with Jesse about it. Should I call the temp agency? Yes, I need a job to get the house. Should I call the temp agency? No definitely not..... Anyway, you get the point. Finally, I came to the brilliant conclusion that I will just have to wait and see what life brings next. Sigh... In any case, tonight I have a psychology test and an essay to finish up. (Whoa Party Girl....hold back on these wild and crazy Friday nights!!!)

Marriage

Marriage is funny. Jesse just posted something new on his blog about wanting some Christian music in his cd collection. I laughed out loud. Five years ago when we met, I mainly listened to Christian music, and Jesse had a hay day making fun of me about it. Slowly, my musical tastes branched out, and now I am actually quite in love with Nickelback and Evanescence (with a little Josh Groban in there.) I still listen to my old classics, like Hungry and occasionally I even throw in some Burlap to Cashmere. But all in all, I don't follow Christian music nearly the way I used to....thanks to my mocking husband that is. But now, lo and behold, the mocker will become the mockee.

Shampoo'ed Gas

I gave the dogs a bath tonight (with the help of my mom) before Jesse got home from work. Afterward, both of them went downstairs to nap. The bath must have exhausted them I guess. Anyway, Abe tends to have a small problem with slowly letting out gas every time he naps. Once Jesse was home for a bit, he went downstairs to grab something. When he came up, he promptly annouced "It smells like shampoo'ed gas down there!"

A Garden Ramble

I started our "garden" indoors last week. I decided to start from seed, only because I didn't realize that most people just buy the plant already started. After hearing that, I was a little unsure whether or not my little seeds would be able to make it. I've never really had many plants, and of those, I made mistakes that killed them. For example, Jesse had mentioned to me a few time in passing that he had always wanted a bonsai tree. When we lived in Texas, I decided to get one for him.....a couple months later, it died. Although, in our defense, it did not die under our care. It died while we were in Nicaragua and our friends were "bonsai sitting". But, odds are that it was already dead before they began. We found out after the fact that bonsai trees die from the inside out, unlike most trees. So, a dead bonsai may still have green leaves, but it's trunk is already dead. Anyway, our friends felt bad, and bought us a new one. Which also died under the care of another friend of ours. Although, this time we were only gone a week or so. I think our friend just never watered it at all. Anyway, that was the last bonsai we tried. Then came last spring when I kept talking about how I wanted to have an indoor herb garden. One day, Jesse came home with a present for me. When I opened it, it was five little pots, starter soil, and seeds for basil, cilantro, and three other herbs that I don't remember. Anyway, it started off great. They were growing right up. Then I thought "wow, this is so great, I should get a bigger pot and more herbs!". So I did. And I "transplanted" the herbs that I already had growing. About two weeks later, they were all dead. I also found out after the fact that herbs are not made to withstand transplanting as some other plants are. In any case, this time I have wised up and actually google'd some info on the things I am growing this year. So far, it's looking good. I have garlic that is shooting up like crazy. My roma tomato seeds have all sprouted tiny little green things. A few of my onions peeped through yesterday. Now, I am just waiting on my peppers to show signs of life. Hopefully once we close on the house, they will all be strong enough to withstand their move into our garden. I really hope it works this year. I have all kinds of plans for making salsa and other goodies. Anyway, although I have all of my vegetables, I have been wanting some fruit bushes as well. I mentioned that to Jesse last week, and he surprised me this week with four raspberry bushes!! So, I am now well on my way to establishing the fruit part of our garden. I think maybe a strawberry bush and some blueberries would round it off nicely. I am more stumped on growing raspberry bushes than the veggies, so I have been google'ing that today. Jese bought me the bush already started, so hopefully I just need to maintain it well. In any case, if all of my seeds and the bushes grow, then we will have a surplus of produce that I am really excited about. We are getting a deep freeze, which I am also really excited about, so hopefully I will have enough to freeze and enjoy our garden through the winter as well.

A Long, Rainy Night

Everytime there is a thunderstorm, Abe gets really worked up. Including if the thunderstorm comes in the middle of the night. He will pace back and forth, scratch at the floor, scratch at doors, and breath so loud and fast that it sounds like he's hyperventilating. Last night, we had a thunderstorm. Around 1:30, Abe started pacing and panting. Jesse got up and took him for a little stroll around the house so that he could see everything is okay. (He always wants to go into every room and patrol it). They came back in, and Jesse was getting pretty annoyed, so he made Abe lay down. A few minutes later, Abe is up and at it again. Jesse has been behind on sleep, so I decided that I would take Abe upstairs and sleep up there so that Jesse could get some rest. So Abe and I went upstairs and I made a little bed on the floor in the office because that's often where Abe likes to lay. He laid down with me for maybe a half hour, and then he wanted to move rooms. So off we went into the back bedroom, which right now, is full of storage, so there is a very tiny amount of floor space. Of course, Abe seems to want to settle in there, so for the rest of the storm, I stayed curled up behind some storage stuff, while Abe layed next to me, alert and panting, keeping gaurd and watching down the hall. At least he settled enough so that he wasn't pacing though. Anyway, after it had been quite for a bit, I figured the storm was over, so at 4 something, Abe and I went back downstairs. In the middle of my late night adventure with Abe, one though kept crossing my mind "is this what parents go through!?!" (Obviously in a different context, but similiar in the being awakening all night long part). Sheesh, I have to tip my hat to anyone with a kid under three!!

Mushy Brain

I've been working on writing an English essay for three hours and need a break. Normally I don't mind writing, but this paper sucks. I shouldn't dwell on that though. Good things are that tomorrow is Friday. We have a house under contract. We will get to go furniture shopping soon. We had brunch at IHOP on Tuesday and I picked out paint colors for our house. Now, I think I just might go surf Ikea's website for a while and veg out.

The House

Okay, so I think we have this house under contract. The sellers are out of town, so no papers are signed, but they verbally said that they were going to accept our counter offer. So, on Monday when they get back, as long as they don't change their minds, we should have this officially under contract. Closing would be late April and we would probably be all moved in by mid May. I think we will take a week or two after closing to paint the walls, install a dishwasher, things like that, before all of our stuff gets moved in. I am slightly worried about how Horton and Abe will adjust. They have been used to having Riley (my mom's dog) around so much that I think they may go into a little withdrawal. Especially Horton. He plays with Riley every day. Plus, the dogs are rarely alone here, since there are 4 people in this house with different schedules. Anyway, I hope that it ends up being a smooth transition. We have already been teasing my mom that she will need to get Riley a puppy. Riley is the most hyper dog on the planet. He is adorable and lovable, but oh so hyper. Sometimes if he isn't getting enough stimulation, he will just go nuts because he has to have something to do. Case in point...when you let him out the front door and don't have a toy or something to play with him, he will sprint straight toward the tree and then try to bite it in mid air. My mom is trying to break him of the habit, as the tree has a big chunk where Riley gets it, but I have to admit, it is the funniest thing ever to watch him take a leap toward the tree! Here's a picture of him in action:
This is one habit I am glad that my dogs have not picked up. Granted, I don't think Abe is limber enough to do this even if he wanted to!

Crash!

Well, last Sunday I crashed and burned. I knew I was going to, because I could tell with work and school (I enrolled in accelerated courses and seriously underestimated the amount of work that they would be.) and house hunting and little time with Jesse I had bitten off more than I could chew. However, even though I knew it was coming, I didn't think it was coming that soon. I thought I could hold out at least 4 weeks or so! In any case, after a tearful, frustrated and overwhelmed Sunday, I went to work Monday and asked if I could go part time instead of full time. Thank God, my boss was more than understanding and I was able to start part time hours this week. I'm still keeping pretty busy, but not an unhealthy busy as before. In other news, we decided to make an offer on a house this week. It's tiny. Really tiny. They countered our offer, and we are in the middle of "countering the counter". I think this is basically our final offer, so if they don't accept it, we are just going to say "no deal". We should know by tonight whether or not they accept. If they do, I'll try to post a pic of the house on here. Either way, I think I will feel relieved. If they accept, then we don't have to deal with scheduling viewings and such. If they don't, we don't have to deal with getting the finances together and moving in a few weeks. I am looking forward to having our own place again...picking out paint colors again (my original color scheme will need some tweaking since this house is so small). We found Ikea furniture that I think we have decided on. The problem is, there is no Ikea in Kansas City. Thus, the plan is to fly to Chicago early one morning with just one small carry on. We pick up our items (two of which are chairs that will fit within airline checked baggage sizes) and one of which is a couch that we will have to ship back. But, this way, believe it or not, is still by far the cheapest way to get our furniture. Plus, ever since Jesse started work at United he has wanted to fly to Chicago for a day so that we can have deep dish pizza. Go figure...these airline privledges went straight to his head!! I think within the first week of work, he already had sixteen "day trips" planned! He sure seems to love working out there though. I've really never seen him so excited about a job, and he rarely complains about work. The only conclusion I have come to is that his gadget mind is just reeling over all the parts on an airplane. Whatever the case, I am happy he has found a job that he enjoys. Plus, the perks are pretty sweet. =)

WHOO HOO!!

I have finally finished all of my school work for this week - yay!!! I spent almost every morning before work, and every night after work, working on school. I am sick of it already and I just started. Not good. I am really enjoying the information that I am learning though, so that makes up for it. I am just mainly sick of things like taking notes, looking up big words that I don't know, and posting answers in online discussions. I don't mind doing it, but I feel like it's all I've done lately besides work, so I think that's why I'm sick of it. I want to go out to eat with Jesse or just spend a whole day with him doing nothing that requires deep thinking, analyzing, or large amounts of responsibility. A lot of our time together lately has been house hunting and talking about prices, what we can and can't afford, etc, etc. Ugh. Although, we did have a "supposed to be fast" showing this morning that ended up being over 2 hours. Jesse had viewed some houses earlier this week alone to narrow it down so that I would only have to go along and see houses that were really worth it since I need more time to study lately. Anyway, he found 2 he liked, and out of those 2 MLS listings, I only liked one, so we wanted to view it together this morning. I thought we would be done within 30 minutes. Not so much. We got there a tad early, so we drove around the neighborhood and came across a house almost directly in back of the one we were going to view, for just 900 dollars more. It seemed on the outside to be the same general layout, so we mentioned it to our realtor when he got there, and he set up a last minute showing so that we could compare the two since they were pretty much same price, same layout. It ended up that we liked the house we didn't originally set out to see better and I think we may even make an offer on it this week. All that to say, we ended up spending more time on houses this morning than planned. Poor Jesse is exhausted. He worked a double yesterday, so he got home between 1 and 2am...not too sure exactly where between there - I was pretty out of it when he came in. Likewise, I feel exhausted this week with work being crazy busy (I almost had to mandatory overtime today for 8 hours - thank God I got out of it!!) and then getting into the school routine has been rough on me as I adjust. (As I'm sure it's also rough on Jesse when I am more stressed out!) Anyway, so the plan was to wake up early, go view the house, come back here and take a nap then Jesse goes to work and I would finish my school work and take my psychology test. Didn't quite happen that way. My bet is that we will both be in bed and asleep by 9 tonight. (How do people with kids do it all!?!?) In any case, so since Jesse isn't here right now, and I don't have anyone else to chat with right now, I will just blog this. This is the most interesting thing ever. (Well, probably not, but it's dang close.) Okay, so there are people who have "split brains". Basically, they had crazy bad seizures, so they did this radical surgery that disconnects their right half of the brain from their left half of the brain - aka, no more connections between them. So, the weird thing is, that now, their 2 sides can't "talk" to each other anymore. Seems simple enough, but since certain things are controlled in certain areas of the brain, this creates some weird results. For example, the right side of your body is controlled by the left side of your brain and vice versa. So, when they show these spilt brain people a word, say the word "heart", the left eye sees the word "he" and the right eye sees the word "art". Not a big deal, right? Well, when you ask them "what word did you just see?" They will verbally say "art" because the left side of their brain gives the ability to put the concepts into words and the right eye saw the word "art". Then when you give them a list of words, and say "point to the word you just saw", they will point to the word "he" because the left eye saw it, and the right brain registered it, which can't talk and tell you that, but can point to show you that. That may only be interesting to nerds like me, but here is a real life example of it. This is true, this actually happens to people with this split brain thing. They are reading a book, which is using their left side of the brain because it's words. So they normally hold the book in their right hand because the left brain is engaged, and controls the right side of the body. Anyway, so they are sitting reading just like normal, then all of a sudden, without their even knowing it or wanting it, their left hand shuts the book and tries to put it away!! This is because their right brain isn't being engaged, and basically "gets bored", so it sends the message to their left hand (without the person even wanting the brain to send this message) to "close the book and do something else". There have been cases of people even trying to button up their shirt with their right hand, but the left hand is trying to unbutton it. Or, in one case, one hand was trying to hit a person, and the other was trying to protect the person! I love it!! This is so fascinating!! It's just because the two hemispheres literally can't talk to each other, so the left can't tell the right side "I'm reading these words, in the meantime, you can imagine up these images based upon what I'm reading" or something like that. And what's even crazier, is that the left side of the brain will just make up these answers for what the right brain makes the person do. Like it has to have a reason. Say the right side tells you to get up and walk. So you do, and if you ask the person why, the left brain makes up something like "I'm going to get a Coke", even if the person doesn't even want a Coke, the left brain just makes up these reasons for what the body is doing! I can't get over it. This has to be one of the most fascinating things I've ever read about. I am sure by now if you are still reading this, you are either bored out of your mind, or you are sort of geeky like me and really enjoy this type of stuff. I can't see how you couldn't. That is amazing. Do you know what all that means about the brain and body?? Anyway, needless to say because my rambling has probably already proved this, but I think I have finally found the right fit for myself in education. I still love art, but I hate the art world. Well, hate is a strong word...strongly dislike. I still love science and medical advances, but I can't stand the thought of poking needles into little kids. I still love missions, but I never found a place for myself to fit in with it. Now that I am on this road to becoming a psychologist, I feel like I finally found my fit. In missions, in medicine, in science, and a wee bit in art, although that one is subject to change. I feel relieved. I feel like I finally have a purpose. I have always struggled with life when I feel like I am making unconscious decisions. I want to live consciously. I want my choices to be for a reason. I don't want to go to college because "it's just something to do after high school". I don't want to get a job because "it's just what you do when you graduate college". I want to have a real meaning and purpose for my decisions and maybe I am finally getting there. Wow, this is getting to be a long post. I think I feel like going and being really lazy, eating something really bad for me, and sitting my butt on the couch and letting some other person's brain entertain mine in front of the television now.

Life

I heard once that traveling is so tiring not because of the travel itself, but because you have so much time waiting that your brain just thinks and thinks all day, eventually wearing out your mind and physical body. The last week or so, I feel like I have been traveling. It's not that I have done so many things that I am exhausted, it's just that I have thought about so many things that I am exhausted. My head is just overwhelmed with life decisions. I guess we are both refocusing as individuals, which automatically refocuses us as a couple as well. Jesse has been making choices about his business and his photography. He's been pursuing a new direction and will potentially be traveling a whole lot more as he increases his steps. I'm focusing more on our home life and starting the student role. Me working less and hopefully eventually not at all plays a major role in our financial situation. I feel like I get caught between school, work, being a wife and taking care of things around the house. I think Jesse gets caught between wanting to provide financially, being a husband, and starting on a new path in photography that will be emotionally overwhelming and demand travel. It all seems simple enough. New goals, new path. But for some reason, the details that lead to these new paths can get so complicated. Even just buying a house. We can afford x amount now, because I am working. But when I stop, what then? And if Jesse will be traveling more, the area that we buy in will be especially important if I will be spending nights alone. And even more, if I decide to go on with my PhD, which at this point, I am nearly convinced I will, schools in this area that offer that program are few and far between. I don't want to have to move yet again in two or three years for me to go to grad school, so we need to think ahead about that. Obviously, I've learned you can't really plan on anything for sure, and for all I know, maybe I won't even finish my first degree, yet at some point, you have to be wise about how your today decisions will affect your tomorrow life. I guess for now, I am just trying to survive through the next two or three months and hope that things will clear up and fall together from there.

This and That...

I started work this week. It's a job. That's about it. Photoshop yearbook pages almost all day...with a little bit of uploading cd's and data entry mixed in. School starts on Monday and with my schedule picking up, Jesse has been doing more things around the house that he normally doesn't do. Right now, he is attempting his first batch of granola bars (this recipe is amazing by the way - without the raisins that is). So far, I have only heard one curse word fly out of the kitchen and I will not repeat it here. Although he still may be learning his way around the kitchen, he seems to have mastered everything else and can officially be labeled a "handy man". Our car door handle on the driver's side broke, so you had to either roll down the window and let yourself out with that handle, or crawl over the seat and get out of the passenger's side. Jesse figured out a way to switch the front handle with the back, so the driver can now get in and out as normal. He is also working on our Passport, which is still having that pesky check engine light come on and off. We've been carpooling together the last few days until that is finished. Thankfully, my work is just across the highway from the airport. We are going to view some houses tomorrow morning which I think we are both looking foward to. We viewed one last week that we are interested in and may end up making an offer on, but we wanted to check out a few other properties in a similiar price range first. It's been fun looking again, with a splash of stress thrown in as well. One nice thing about this round though, is that prices are lower in Missouri than Colorado and it seems we may actually be able to get a pretty nice house for considerably less than what we bought the cat pee palace in Colorado for. Ope - Jesse is done with the granola bars now so I will be done with this post now.

ABE!!!!

My dogs are one thing in my life that literally every single time I think about them, or look at them, it fills my heart with joy. I love these guys. Today however, Abe crossed the line. Despite his antics and personality that is always pushing the limits, I have never really been mad at him. Today, I was right ticked. It's a nice day out. I had the sliding glass door wide open so the dogs were coming and going as they pleased. Abe started barking a bit too much after the neighbor kids came outside, so I brought him in and then just closed the screen door so that some fresh air could still get in. He was doing fine - until the kids started making a lot of noise. Next thing I know, I look over at the door, and there is Abe, hanging half in and half out of the screen door, with it half off it's track. I immediately yell at him to stop, and instead of listening, he bolts as fast as he can (which was actually semi comical, considering he was lodged between the screen door and the glass door) out the door. At that point, he ripped the entire screen door, frame and all, off. Not like he just ripped through the screen. So I go chasing after him, and he is still just enjoying this barking spree off to the other side of the yard. When I catch him, I yank his collar and pull him inside and then yell at him probably more than I ever have before. See, in my marriage, Jesse is the firm discipliner, and I am the softie who disciplines sweetly. Not today. Normally when I discipline him, he sort of slinks into the floor, and gives me his biggest puppy dog eyes, then lifts his paw up to me as a peace offering. And it normally works. I tell him it's okay and we go back to normal. Today, his slinking into the floor and paw up for forgiveness wasn't cute. So I was giving him the silent treatment, and he kept following me everywhere around the house. Finally when I sat down on the couch, he plopped down straight in front of me with his head down, looking ashamed, and kept lifting his paw over and over to me. And I have to say, although I am still a bit mad, when I made direct eye contact with his big puppy dog eyes, I had to forgive him.

Off Track Again...

Well, obviously my art blog slowly diverts itself to other topics over time. And I'm thinking that once I start my job and am back in school, which is very soon, I probably won't have all that much time to even be doing much art, or maybe even much blogging...so this blog is officially on hiatus (that is a great word) from showing art. Unless it's someone else's that is... In any case, I am sure I will post random thoughts or unnecessary opinions soon.

4 Years and Running

We have a tradition that we do every anniversary. The idea is to take a photo each year, and then write a short paragraph about what our last year has been like and what we have done. We keep adding to an album that only has these photos and paragraphs in it and by our 50th anniversary, we will basically have a storybook of our lives together. We only have 4 pages in it as of today, but it is still a lot of fun to read just those few pages and see all the things we've done. Sometimes life and time has a way of making you forget just where all you've been. In any case, we started setting up the photo this morning. As you can see, now that we have two dogs, and are living with my parents (who also have a dog that desperately wanted to be "part of the family" this morning), it made it a bit more difficult to get a good photo this year.