The Best Laid Plans...

That's a photo of my little carry-on suitcase. At my house. Not in Seattle.

Thursday night as I was packing, I was thinking about all the great photos I would have to post of my two dear friends, Erin and Amy, hanging out in a cool city like Seattle. I went to the airport Friday morning, hoping to breeze on using Jesse's passes. I knew it wasn't going to be a good day when I heard them page asking for volunteers to give up their seat. My sweet husband spent a good chunk of time behind the ticket counter looking at every possible way I could get to Seattle. We tried different cities, even different partner airlines, but it was just not in the cards for me to travel. We eventually left the airport and I went to work, feeling bummed, but telling myself it was okay, because I would just get up super early and catch the first flight out Saturday morning. That plan also failed, and I have spent my weekend thus far in Missouri.

While I was out and about today, I kept thinking, I wonder what I would be doing right now if I was in Seattle! Sigh. Hopefully there will be another girls trip planned soon...one that I actually make it to!

On the bright side, spring is finally in the air! January and February are always the hardest months of the year for me (which was another reason I was so looking forward to seeing my girlfriends...but I digress). This year in particular, I have felt like the grumpiest, worst version of myself. I think it's a combination of things, but poor Jesse...I have been a serious bump on a log lately. Anyway, just when winter was feeling the most claustrophobic and hopeless, a random, sunny, 70 degree day popped in and reminded me that life as I know it is not over. A new season is coming, not just for the weather, but for my life. And winter has served its purpose, even if only to remind me to be grateful for those things which I get used to and take for granted.

So, even though it's been a lame, disappointing 2011 so far, I am anticipating good things on the horizon.

On a totally different note, last weekend, our youngest niece turned one. I stopped by the party en route to the dog shelter.

Jada wasn't really interested in hanging out with me. Clearly, there was something much more interesting off to the side.

Like this crazy big horsie thing someone got her....

Or maybe just a cookie...
Whatever the case, I hope you had a good birthday little missy J!

A Let Down

This week's life theme? Disappointment.

Started off with Jesse's birthday on Monday when he was feeling sick and running a fever. Poor guy spent his special day laying on the couch. I thought I could avoid the funky junk if I walked around the house with a bottle of rubbing alcohol and disinfected every surface before I came within 3 feet of touching it rested and ate my veggies. By Tuesday evening, Jesse was still laid out sick and I wasn't feeling stellar, but thought I had a decent chance of avoiding the funky junk.

Enter Thursday. Jesse still sounded like a horse when he coughed, but his fever was finally gone. Apparently, that fever wanted to have a hot affair with me. When the thermometer beeped 102.1, I threw in the towel and declared myself officially sick. We watched crappy daytime tv together and laughed at the pathetic sound in our little house. Hack cough huh snort ugh.

Also, I used to think it was silly, if not downright ridiculous, that people could crack a rib coughing. Holy crap, I am being punished for my judgement. I swear to you, two days ago I coughed so ferocious, I am still sore. It hurts to touch my rib cage, like a bruise, and it hurts to do anything remotely involving my upper abs. (On the bright side, I do kind of feel like a bad ass. I imagine this is how my stomach would feel if I had just completed some killer workout and had a 6 pack.)

Anyway, today is Saturday. We are both supposed to be at WyCo Lake Park right now. Jesse should be ankle deep in mud running his first 50k trail race, and I should be walking around the park with my dog of choice waiting for him to cross the finish line and celebrate his awesomeness while simultaneously delighting that Mother Nature is finally tossing out a few signs of hope for spring.

Apparently, supposed to doesn't mean much in life. What's up with that?

I think we'll be Red Box'ing it today.

Funky junk virus.... uh-screwwww-yooooou.

Happy Birthday Canuck!

We started our celebration a couple days ago since we knew the actual day would be spent for me with coworkers and he with classmates. Saturday, we grabbed a bite to eat at our favorite spot for falafels, saw a movie, and chilled out at home for a bit. The next day my mom took us to lunch and spoiled Jesse with a pair of trail shoes he's been wanting. (Let the record show, this man owns waaaayyy more pairs of shoes than I do.)

Today, I will enlist the onslaught of birthday traditions started a decade ago, beginning with streamers and candy in the morning, and riding straight on through to the funky looking homemade ice cream cake at night. (Thank God Oreos are vegan.)

I like to look back and think about all the different bathrooms I've decorated for his birthday. It strikes me as somewhat odd that the bathroom is the decorated room, but it all started when we were dating and he was living at Nikki's. I was working as a waitress and would fly up and stay for a few days every month, hanging out with him in the evenings and weekends during his days off from the camera shop. He used to go into work super early. I remember wanting to do something special to acknowledge his birthday first thing when he woke up, but lazily, I didn't want to have to set my alarm and wake up myself. (It's way easier for me to stay up late than to get up early.) So, I ended up decorating the bathroom the night before, knowing that the bathroom was the only room in the condo that I would be able to get into and stay quiet enough not to wake him, and knowing that he would for sure have to go into that room in the morning. For whatever reason, the bathroom stuck.

I have decorated "birthday bathrooms" in 3 different countries and 6 different cities. I wonder what other bathrooms our lives will let us see! =)

Happy birthday Canuck!

The Blizzard

Bryan Busby just told me that we are indeed having an official blizzard by definition of the word. I stayed inside most of the day, besides about 30 minutes when I took the dogs out to play for a while and tried to shovel a path along our front and back doors. All I can say is, I hope this is the last blast of winter.

He'll Always Be My Canadian.

Last week was....bizarre. In fact, this entire month has kind of been strange. I don't know if it's the transition from Christmas vacation back to work and school or the dreary days of snow or maybe the general feeling of malaise that my job carries during this season of tax preparation and insurance renewals, but something is just off, for lack of a better word.

Add to that the crowning glory of bizarre as I watched the world's most proud Canadian take an oath to my country, the United States of America, last Thursday. This was a decision years in the making that has brought tears, arguments, jokes, and laughter to both Jesse and I. During the application process, we decided to keep it just between the two of us. As Thursday approached, we reached the point where we realized it was probably appropriate to tell people before it happened rather than after.

Most people replied with "congratulations!" and I smiled politely at them and said thanks, not really wanting to get deeper into all the issues that go along with it.

For me, in some ways, I felt deeply sad that in order to become an "American", one is asked to "absolutely and entirely renounce and abjure all allegiance and fidelity to any foreign prince, potentate, state, or sovereignty of whom or which I have heretofore been a subject or citizen." This is required, whether one has dual citizenship or not.

I guess I understand the reasoning somewhat, but it's still a hard pill to swallow. No matter where a person comes from, no matter how great or how war-torn or how equal or how unfair a country is, the places we are born and the places we live growing up are entrenched in our souls. We are shaped by our society whether or not we want to be. To "renounce" that, regardless of whether one was shaped for the better or for the worse, seems like denying a part of one's identity. I am sure this section of the oath will have different meaning to different people. For me, as an American, I feel some desire to put a disclaimer on it.

My ambivalent feeling wasn't helped along much when during the check in process, an older Iraqi woman turned in her papers, and the lady checking her in started questioning her about her marriage. The woman spoke little to no English, but through a translator explained that she was a widow. A few minutes of chatter about this, and then the check-in lady says something about her not signing that she is willing to bear arms. "Are you willing to bear arms?"..."You must sign that you are willing to bear arms."..."You have to bear arms." The woman clearly didn't understand and though I know it's a formality that must be addressed, it was in all ways, a ridiculous scene.

Anyway, everyone got checked in and then they took all the people to be sworn in up to the courtroom while the rest of us waited downstairs. I guess during this time, they were seating them in a certain order and explaining to them what would be asked of them during the ceremony. After a good half hour or so passed, they came back to fetch the rest of us and we all crammed into elevators to go up to the courtroom.

I realized once we were in, this was my first time at a court hearing. We did the "all rise" thing, the judge came in, someone presented the applicants, then motioned for the court to grant them citizenship as petitioned. The judge accepted and then launched into a speech. He started off with the typical hoo-rah that I expected. America is wonderful, a great country, all that stuff. Then, he paused and said something to the effect of "Now, I must take a minute to address the places from which you all came." (There were about 60 being sworn in, from places as diverse as Pakistan to England to Mexico to Bosnia.) When he said that, I think I braced my heart a bit for what was about to come next, unsure of his stance and what he was going to say.

What followed was not only a relief, but actually made me tear up a bit. In essence, he spoke of the importance of remembering one's history, of telling stories to your children of the places you grew up, of never forgetting your roots. I was overcome with thankfulness to hear him acknowledge the individuals' history and the sacrifices that people were making in order to take this oath. It was to me, the most beautiful part of the ceremony. I hope that, if Jesse and I ever do finally get around to having children, they will grow up having fond memories of both Canada and America.

I hope they will experience the beauty of the Canadian Rockies, know what a toque is, and grow an appreciation for a cold Molsen. I hope they play with sparklers on the 4th of July, sing the Star Spangled Banner, and learn their lesson if they don't run away from a lit firecracker fast enough. I hope they feel unsure of who to root for during the Olympics. I hope they never fall into believing the stereotype that Americans are self-absorbed and politically ignorant or that Canadians live in igloos and say "aboot". I hope they are proud of their father and the land he grew up in and I hope they feel a sense of ownership over it, too. And I hope they breathe in America, loving her for all her potential - even that which goes unmet. I hope, above all this, that they manage to rise above political boundaries and see people first and foremost as human beings just like themselves; people who are capable of feeling pain and love; people who choose to accept or reject.

Monkey Smells

Monkey has always had an affinity for smells, even more so than other dogs. She isn't content to simply smell the scent; she wants to make sure that she smells like it too. It's charming (except when you put on lotion and she immediately goes for the maximum amount of dog fur to human skin contact or when she catches a whiff of your deodorant and tries to bury herself into your armpit). Anyway, Monkey's latest perfume is called "Murphy's Oil Soap for Hardwood Floors".

While I Eat My Rice and Veggies

I'm eating some dinner and google is boring me, so it's high time for a blog post.

Nothing in particular to say.

I finally finished reading A People's History of the United States. It took me a couple months to wade through. Seems like every time I picked it up it made me cry, so I was only able to handle small chunks at a time. The best part about it is the inclusion of historic letters so that you can get an idea of what it was really like; much more personal than traditional textbooks. It is a mammoth of a book, and though I admit to skimming a section or two, it's definitely worth checking out.

I've also been reading/listening to lectures by John Gottman lately. I was first introduced to his research about 7 or 8 years ago, and while it always intrigued me, I never really followed up until now. His stuff is genius and really valuable for married people in particular. (Check out The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work as an intro to his work/practical ways to apply the findings.) What's also cool is that now that he has laid such a strong foundation in terms of marital relationships, they are starting to expand it into parenting. Early research by one of his interns seems to indicate that a child's temperament can largely be predicted by the parents communicative styles in the third trimester. Crazy stuff there.

Other recent reading includes my first seed catalog of the season!!! I was really excited to see it peeking out from under the pile of bills that came in the mail. That, plus Target's prominent display of bikinis means spring is surely just around the corner. In just a couple months, I should see the tips of my jonquils stretching out as they wake up to welcome sunnier days.

When I was at the doctor for my strep ordeal, I was watching the news channel they have on, and apparently January 17th is the saddest day of the year for North Americans. I have no idea how they measured this, but that's what the lady on tv told me. I can believe it though. All the fun winter holidays have passed, the days are still short and dark, the sky is still gray, and Mother Nature slaps your face with a north wind nearly every time you step outside. No wonder I am grumpy these days. All I want to do is stay inside and bake and watch movies and sleep.

The good side of that is that we've had all kinds of food around the house lately. So far so good with my whole "trying new recipes" resolution. Speaking of, I just realized I need to start the bread machine. I gobbled up the last slices this morning. I am done with my dinner now anyway, so I bid you adieu!

1011

I was thinking I would blend into the crowd and do a "reflection on the past year + goals for the new year" post, but after seeing the (crazy ambitious) Canuck's post, I have to admit, my goals don't seem so cool anymore. Nonetheless, I'll take the plunge. (After all, I am trying to be more share-y and vulnerable in 2011.)

So, let's begin with reflection...I was thinking about doing a month-by-month highlight of 2010. Then I thought back to January 2010, and I don't remember anything about it except having to do W-2's for 175 people for the first time, with no help. Perhaps I should call this "highlight or lowlight" of the month.

January: Lowlight! See above.

February: Jesse (and Monkey) crossed the line at their first ever trail race while my brother and his wife were in the hospital giving birth to their first ever child. I got to drive from the muddy woods where I was holding my dog to the very clean hospital where I held my niece.

March: Another dog moved in with us and opted to change his name from "Dwight" to "Green Bean Nikkel"!

April: Spring sprung and I fell in love with bike riding.

May: Lowlight! Jesse was away in Canada while Bean got a butt hole rash and I had to rub ointment on it every day.

June: Visiting the WWI museum with my Grandpa and hearing more stories about his life.

July: Nothing in particular stands out; just great summer nights on the back deck, grilling fresh food from the garden and generally loving the sunshine.

August: Disney World!!!

September: Seeing my sister-in-law, Cheremi, and her family all in the same location! (They went through an incredibly long, complicated adoption process.)

October: I decided I really like Halloween, despite the horribly tacky decorations.

November: Serious garage progress and the happiest, loudest shade of yellow ever.

December: So many fun parties, so many fun gifts, so many days off work...too much goodness to choose just one!

And now, I suppose you would like to know my resolutions, new beginnings, lofty goals, and ambitions made while drunk the night before. (Just kidding on that last one...) Unlike the cut and dry Mr. Nikkel with his macho man goals, most of mine are relatively abstract. Here are the ones I can quantify.

*Push harder in making/growing as much of our food as possible. In practicality, this means things like skipping the store-bought loaf of bread and baking my own each week, sowing a fall crop instead of stopping with my spring/summer foods, and taking up canning. (The control freak in me is really digging the whole "I know exactly where my food comes from" thing.)

*Finally sign up to take one of the two classes I have wanted to take for years and years and years. (Maybe I'll tell you the class after I sign up.)

*Find some type of exercise that I enjoy as much as Jesse enjoys running. (I'm really skeptical I will attain this goal. If only I could have regular access to nice weather and a boat with a driver, I would ski or tube or wake board for my workouts.)

*Cook a new recipe once a week, and compile a cookbook by the end of the year. (I started this goal off with red-lentil-curry-chili.)

I think that's it! The rest is all deep and abstract and I don't feel like divulging right now. (Screw that share-y, vulnerable thing I mentioned at the start of this post.)

P.S. Since I posted this, a few people have pointed out to me that my post title has a typo. It says 1011 because in the past, each year I have titled my New Year's post as the two years...so in 2007 and 2008, I called it 0708 and 2009 and 2010 I called it 0910 and so on...I guess that is kind of confusing, but I'm sticking with it!

Christmas Vacation

I have 4 days left of Christmas vacation and intend to use them well! I woke up sick Christmas morning and spent the next 4 days laying around the house doing nothing but watching crappy daytime television and checking my temperature in hopes I was magically better. A couple days ago, the fever finally left, and now all I have is the residual sore throat and runny nose.

Jesse was productive during my bout of funky junk virus, doing some major cleaning and bringing me hot tea in between. He cleaned out the office (which is no longer the office, since we moved a bunch of stuff to the garage) and scrubbed the floors, which required moving a couple of the dog beds into the living room temporarily. Horton was delighted at the double stack.

I was feeling pretty stir crazy after a few days of laying around, so the instant I was feeling remotely better, I begged Jesse to go out with me for a couple hours and run a few errands. During this time, we decided we will never be cool because we can't rock the huge sunglasses look. I swear some of those lenses were the size of my head.

Personally, I think Jesse stands a better chance of pulling it off than I do.

One of the things I really wanted to do over the break was go ice skating. We finally got to last night with a few friends. There was a crowd and while I'm by no means a good skater, I can at least go around the rink without falling down. Apparently, I cannot say the same for 50% of the people on the ice. It was hilarious just looking around and at any given minute, at least one person was laid out flat on their butt. (You Canadians would have a ball mocking people down here.)

Anyway, today I suppose it's time for reflection on the past and building hope for the future. Maybe today I will finalize some resolutions that I can break a month from now. Until then...

Merry Christmas!

Merry Christmas! Today is actually pretty non-celebratory for Jesse and I in the grand scheme of things. We have already done all of the family get-togethers, and after a peaceful morning with just the two of us, Jesse headed in to work. (One of the few industries that doesn't shut down on Christmas day...oh well...we have had a great Christmas season nonetheless!)

Here's our Christmas recap -

A few days ago, we headed to my mom's. My brother/sister-in-law/niece and step-dad were all fresh off travel. (My step-dad has been doing contract work out of state, and my brother is in the midst of a short term job assignment in Montana.) About 15 minutes after Jesse and I got there, everyone else pulled up literally straight from the airport. We had a Christmas "panini party" courtesy of the new panini maker I got for my birthday. They were delicious, and Jesse and I ended up having paninis for the next 3 days straight. We had our gift exchange and watched my niece bobble around. She just started walking and is learning to connect words with actions. They have taught her "nonsense" and "touchdown". (i.e. they say "Oh Jada, that's just nonsense" and she grins and shakes her head side to side, or they yell "touchdown" and she throws her little arms up in the air.) It's cool to see the way her brain is developing and learning, and amazes me how much kids pick up even before they are speaking. (Note to self: watch your mouth.)

Christmas Eve we headed to my Dad's. Jada once again provided the entertainment with her nonsense and touchdown "tricks".

Over the last decade, my Dad has become quite a skilled woodworker. He made this chest for Jesse and I, which Jada found to be perfect for clutching and walking around. I am now in a conundrum about how to rearrange the furniture in our house. Those of you who have visited know that our house is teeny tiny. We don't have the luxury of being able to just add pieces in here and there, so I'm thinking something needs to go in order to make room for this new piece. Right now, it is still sitting in the back of our SUV. Until then, I'm waiting for a stroke of design genius to hit me. (For the record, I'm quite happy to have this problem...)

Peeking out from under my hands is a copy of The Joy of Vegan Baking, which I plan to start baking my way through in January.

This is kind of a silly photo of Jesse, but it's the only one I took that isn't totally blurry and I thought it appropriate that his mug have some space in this post.

Last, I made some onesies for my niece. This one I made in honor of Jesse. It has a maple leaf on the butt and says "Eh?" on the front. Though she is too young to understand, we tell Jada he is "the silly Canadian"/"that crazy Canadian"/"the scary Canadian"/etc.
Anyway, cheers to another beautiful Christmas season! Hope it finds you content in your heart and happy in your soul.

Party Poopin'

I had a great birthday, but Jesse already blogged photos...so not sure what's left that I can say!

I always feel like December 1st kicks off a big, long party. My birthday usually brings with it a number of get togethers with various friends and family, then the Christmas season rolls into full effect and the celebrations plow right on through to the new year.

On top of three birthday get togethers last week, we also attended the staff Christmas party for my work. I'm wise enough to know that despite some frustrations with my job, it's a very rare thing to find a place where you truly enjoy the company of those who surround you 40 hours a week. By and large, I can say that I sincerely love my coworkers. They bring a lot of laughter and fun into my life, and the Christmas party was no exception. I'm glad Jesse was able to come along so that he could witness a bit of what I get to enjoy at work.

Jesse on his 5th? 6th? Oh, whose counting? glass of

scotch on the rocks.

Jesse enjoying the fire pit.

At least he had gone for a 15 mile run before the party, so he could

pretty much eat (and drink!) all of the calories he wanted.

Me with some of the beautiful ladies I get to work with.

Some of those same ladies also happen to be

pretty amazing at karaoke.

Needless to say, it's been a fun week. It's also been kind of exhausting...I'm ready for an early bed time tonight. Blame it on being another year older. =)

Before I sign off though - thank you to all of you who dropped me a note this week. My life is infinitely richer because of the people in it.

Thanksgiving Break

I had some time off work for Thanksgiving and it was wonderful! There is so much to be said for a break, for getting away, for fresh perspective. I did a lot of driving by myself... a couple hours south to see my Dad's side of the family, an hour north to see my mom's side, and a day to see my "immediate" (for lack of a better word) family. Jesse has to work most holidays so he didn't tag along for a lot of the festivities, but I did get to see him a lot around the house, which was nice. A few pics -

My Grandpa.

I kid not when I say I don't know who a lot of these people are, but apparently, we're related. (This was a combined Thanksgiving/Christmas since it's so hard to get everyone together with scheduling.)

I started working on some holiday gifts in my new little "art corner" of the garage. Love, love, love, having a designated space!

Got the house decorated for Christmas! I always smile when I pull this stocking out of the box. My mom got it for us back when we had just one doggie, Horton. He looks so cute and young in the photo, I can never bring myself to replace it with one that has all the current doggies in it.

Also put up a little tree.

Officially Christmas season!

Saturday

Today has been great! The only downside is that it always goes by too fast when the weekend rolls around.

Jesse and I went to get some zoo manoo from a friend this morning so that we could do some work on the gardens and get them all "tucked in" for winter. They keep chickens at our friend's place, so I had a lot of fun petting them and checking out their little coop. I realized today I've never held a chicken before. They are actually pretty snuggly little creatures. (Although one of them did poop all down the front of my hoodie.)

Anyway, after the chicken escapade, we came home and got the gardens layered up with poo, leaves, mulch and good stuff like that. We ate a quick lunch together at Chipotle and then Jesse headed to work. I decided to stick close to home and try to get some things done around here. I have been searching thrift stores for a chair to go in the garage at my art desk. Thanks to my mom, the search is over. She had an old chair in her classroom that she never uses, so she passed it along to me and I gave it an aqua blue facelift this afternoon. It's funny; I actually remember this chair from when I was a kid and used to walk down to her classroom after school was over. Now it's in my house! It is perfectly ideal for what I had pictured in my mind.

We are getting close on the garage. Mainly it's just details (like the chair) left. The only biggie still to do is getting epoxy down on the floor, but I think Jesse plans to do that on Monday because he's on school break next week. Hopefully that means I will have completed "after" photos to post soon!

Potentially Pragmatic

With my birthday just around the corner, I am coming upon my final year to enjoy the 2 prefix. I guess it has made me do some reflecting on the last decade. A lot has happened. I moved a dozen or so times. I got married. I bought 2 houses. I adopted 4 dogs. I got a degree. I made friends in the Philippines. I, with my Canuck, was entrusted to lead 30 people around Nicaragua for a couple months (by the way, in retrospect - what the crap?!).

I guess this decade has been about searching. Searching for my purpose, my passion. I have tried to 'follow my heart' as they say, and though it has given me a whole lot of good stories, it's probably questionable whether or not it led me astray at times. Then again, it could very well be that I am just now coming to know my own heart. That is probably the true crux of the issue.

I was browsing some design sights online the other day and came across a quote a woman had painted in her craft room:

She believed she could. So she did.

It kind of hit me at that moment - why have I become so gun shy in attempting things? I used to be pretty adamant about giving anything a try at least once; and pretty much any idea I ever had, I chased in some capacity. No matter where. No matter when. I remember a late night conversation in Kona in which I told a friend of mine that I felt like the world was at my fingertips; I could go anywhere and do anything. I had such a keen sense that the world was full of possibility and promise. Over the next few years, most of my "tries" did not work out the way I had intended. So I guess I woke up one day, and upon realizing my track record, decided to approach life more practically. Does this pay the bills? Is this likely to work out? Is there a high chance I will succeed here? Is this.... safe....comfortable?

And now where do I find myself? Safe. Comfortable.

And totally bored.

So, while the last decade was about searching, maybe the decade ahead will be about refining. I have lived from the passion of possibility, and I have lived from the pain of the practical. Neither way is good for the soul. There must be some mingling of the two. Thus, the chore ahead of me is to mediate between the potential and the pragmatic.

And what better time than this? My past searching - successes and failures - has finally given me a firm grounding in who I am. I know what makes my blood boil and I know what makes my eyes light up. I know how I manage my resources and I know what breathes life into me (and what sucks it out).

Reflecting on this the last couple weeks has brought clarity. Clarity has brought courage. I am ready to try a few new things again; only this time, I'll probably jump with my eyes wide open instead of shut tight.

Our Week

We worked on the garage a lot last weekend. The walls are pretty much done...need to finish painting the ceiling and get the epoxy down on the floor. After that, it's just organizing and cleaning. It was kind of sad when we were working on it. Jesse pulled the shelves out and laid them in the driveway, so I was working in the front yard painting them. From there, I could hear our neighbors having a really big fight (not the first time this has happened). They yell so loud that you can hear what they are saying through all of their walls - closed windows and doors. It's always kind of sad, but it was exceptionally bad this time, because eventually the argument turned into crying. I could hear both of them sobbing. It was just heartbreaking. It was the sound of that delirious, hopeless cry where the pain is all consuming. It was an odd day I guess - I'm outside enjoying the beautiful weather and working on something trivial in my house, and ten yards away two people are in emotional anguish in theirs. It made me think a lot about kindness, about neighbors, about life in general, though I have yet to come to any conclusions.

Anyway, here's some of the work...

This week, Jesse's mom was in town. She surprised us with an "early Christmas" since we don't get to see that side of the family very often during the holidays. It was a lot of fun. The dogs also really enjoyed having company. (What could be better than 2 more hands, just ready and waiting to pet them??) Bean took a minute or two to realize that he didn't need to be scared, but once he realized that, he got to business giving out kisses and thumping his tail. I was somewhere in between healthy and sick all week, so I did a lot of party-pooping and sleeping while she was here.

This weekend brings the realization that I have a ton of yard work to do. In fact, I'm slightly embarrassed at the state of our yard. We have plywood and all kinds of junk sitting in the driveway from when we were working on the garage, and I've got leggy zinnias in the front yard still hanging on despite the chill in the air, honeysuckle that needs to be tamed, and a number of other issues. That is only out front...the back yard is a whole different mess, courtesy of three dogs. I don't know what we will do with that - I think we might need to look at putting some pavers in.

Sunday Jesse is doing another trail race. I am hoping I can go too, but I guess it will depend on how much of the yard gets tamed before then!

In any case, being it's November, the holidays are just around the corner and that makes me happy. The perfect season for baking, holiday crafting, annoying cds on repeat, and celebrating life. I leave you with a shot from the surprise stockings from Jesse's mom. (Monkey was pretty sure that one belonged to her.)

My Pups

Sometimes, I forget that I have never had a real conversation with my dogs. I feel like I know them, like the kind of friend who you can sit in silence with and just linger in the breath and space. Something is shared in that moment, though I don't think any of us can quantify what exactly "it" is. This is the kind of bond I feel with my dogs. I think it's a bond that all humans and animals are capable of; it's generally just a matter of whether or not we choose to enter into this type of communion.

I came across a blog from a woman who had lost her cat of 15 years. I saw my own emotions in hers - deep, deep sadness, and overwhelming gratefulness for having been blessed with the animal.

We passed Abe's one year mark last spring, and I had some bittersweet days, thinking how much different things are around here now. I miss the peace and calm of the "Horton and Abe" days, but I also love the life and laughter that Monkey and Bean bring.

I still cry about Abe sometimes. I still wish I could have done better for him, but mostly, I am just so grateful. My life has been utterly enhanced by having known him, cared for him, loved him.

I know some people think people like me are just weird, abnormal animal lovers. Maybe that's true, but I don't see it - whether that is because I'm just that weird, or whether because it's not true, I have no idea. But as far as I'm concerned, I feel sad for the people who never get to experience the bond that you can have with a species that is not your own. When words fail, something else has to step up, and when it does, it's a beautiful understanding that you can always fall back on.

Each of my dogs is large enough that, if they so chose, they could probably kill me, if not at least put me in the hospital for a few days. I don't know at what point it happened, but somewhere along the line, we chose to trust each other. They sleep beneath my feet, bellies exposed, and I routinely let them nuzzle my neck and face, sure that they would never choose to bite.

It's the moments of mountains and oceans; the times when you realize how very small and frail you are, yet the beauty of the scene won't let you feel anything but awe, even in the midst of your weakness.

So weird or not, I continue to be grateful for the privilege of caring for three cast offs that someone else didn't want. To the person who moved to California and decided half way into the trip that Horton wasn't worth keeping, to the one who let Abe get away, to the family who dipped Monkey in pesticides and let her starve, to the man who abused Bean, cut off his tail, and then dumped him in the country, I say, I'm sorry that you're missing out on some of life's greatest joys. And to my misfit dogs, thanks for giving me all of this -

The feeling that I am utterly loved and desired. No matter if I've been gone for five minutes or five hours, I am always worth getting up for. I am always worth running toward. I am always worth wagging tails and doggie smiles... We're so glad you're home! We've missed you so much!

The strength to forgive. If they can be resilient after having been abandoned, hit, and starved, then surely I can let go of my past, too.

The inspiration to approach, accept, and value. Every being - two legged or four - is worth a greeting, an inspection, an approach.

Comfort in my own skin. I am always me to the dogs, whether I am dressed up in hairspray and high heels or tank tops and t-shirts. They know my true scent, no matter what lotion or spray I cover it up with. There's a deep sigh of relief in knowing that some other being sees me and only me - not my clothes, my car, my house, my job - just me.

Garage

The garage is coming along! As you know, it's been a very slow process. The summer was busier than anticipated and this fall has been non-stop crazy. Nonetheless, we decided we really want to get this project wrapped up before winter arrives.

I think I finally have a bit more motivation, because we are getting to the fun part of painting and getting everything organized and arranged. Jesse is very gracious to me when it comes to decorating and lets me do pretty much whatever I want as long as I make sure that pink and/or flowers are kept to a minimum.

Most of our house is very earthy and neutral which seems to suit us well. But, since the garage is in many ways its own entity, I decided to deviate quite a bit. I chose a color called "frolic". It's loud, obnoxious, and slightly uncomfortable. Somewhere between a yellow neon highlighter and pukey pea soup. Our garage is basically our gym, our work room, and our laundry area, so I want to create a space that makes you want to get up and move. Anyway, since painting one wall in the garage, I have been debating if I still want to keep on track with this crazy color. Tonight I decided I do, when I opened up the garage, half forgetting there is now paint on the wall, and it made me happy and smiley because it's so darn bright and cheery in there. It's kind of a slap in the face coming from the contemplative tone of the rest of the house, but a good slap.

However, I realized tonight that if we are going to make it work, I need to have a big picture plan. So I got out my trusty crayons and drew like I was in kindergarten again. This is my plan; frolic on the walls, white shelves, aqua blue paintings, and some hot orange tossed in for good measure. The idea is that after it's all said and done, the gray and black of the treadmill, tool chest, and other random manly things will tone it all down. We'll see. It could fail miserably. But, I figure, it's the garage...not like I'm decorating our living room in neon. So, this is my plan:

And this is the first "frolicked" wall:

I am hoping to have a productive weekend, so with any luck, I will have more photos to post soon.

Eating & Running

A few photos from the last couple weeks...

Our plans for Canadian Thanksgiving were up in the air until last minute, since we weren't sure what Jesse's work schedule would look like. He ended up getting the Saturday before off work, so we decided to go to Weston for the day. Jesse wanted to get in a run at the state park and I had been wanting to buy some mums at one of the little farms there for quite a while. It was a fun day that went by really fast. My parents treated us to lunch at one my favorite restaurants in town and the weather was insanely perfect.

It happened to be Irishfest while we were there, so Jesse and I decided to walk down to the festival that evening and hang out for a bit.
We didn't stay too long, as we are not much for hype. We just basically peeked in, then kept walking around town.
When the actual holiday rolled around, I had to go to work, and Jesse had to go to class. We had a quiet dinner with just the two of us that evening, and it ended up working out well. Since it was the week leading up to his marathon, I knew he wouldn't want to eat a big meal or a lot of sugary desserts, so we went with lots of veggies and no dessert - not exactly the type of meal you'd like to serve at a big party. =)

Anyway, while Jesse was preparing for the marathon with long runs and a strict diet, I was busy deciding what to wear to help support him. I decided to make a shirt especially for him. It was nice and cool the morning of the marathon (for spectators at least - I'm sure it was a touch on the warm side for the runners), then turned into wonderful weather for post-race activities.

I think most of you know, but Jesse's goal for this marathon was to qualify for Boston, which meant he needed to come in at 3:10:59 or less. I was sure he had it in the bag, as he had logged plenty of 20 milers in his training and was well suited to keep a 7:14 or less average mile. (In fact, he can actually hold a 6 something mile with relative ease.)

Race day came and Jesse left the house bright and early. I got up a bit later, took care of the dogs, then headed to the race and walked around for a while trying to find the best spot at the finish line. When the marathon clock flipped to 3 hours, I had my camera out and ready, sure I'd see Jesse pop over the hill at any second. As it crept closer to 3:10, I was so full of anticipation, ready to see him slide in right at the deadline. When it flipped past 3:10, my heart sank, as I knew Jesse was either hurt or sick. Since I had no way to contact him, I stayed where I was, watching for him, and pulled my phone out of my bag, knowing that my contact info was on his bib.

I was thrilled and relieved to see him pop over the hill at 3:20 something (clutching his stomach in pain). Even though I was happy and proud, I knew he would be crossing the line feeling frustrated and disappointed. I cheered him as he ran past, then headed down to the shoot to meet him after he got some fuel.

His splits tell the story perfectly: At mile 9.3, he was 11th in his division, averaging a 7:04 mile - well on track for a BQ. At mile 19.8, he was 9th in his division, and his average had picked up to 7:02. Between there and the finish....oof. At mile 20, he got what he described as "the worst cramp of my entire life", and ended up having to walk/run it in. I was so bummed for him, yet with a 3:28:34 finish, he still did awesome! I honestly wasn't sure if I should greet him at the finish with a huge, proud smile, or my condolences. From my view, there was nothing but pride and happiness, but I know Jesse well enough to know that he would first be crushed by not meeting his goal before he would be able to give himself credit for the incredible accomplishment.

Anyway, I met him at the end of the chute, and we walked for a bit, as he processed the race and stretched. Check out those compression socks!

I told him he needs to get a blank technical shirt so that I can make him a corresponding shirt, letting everyone know that he is, indeed, a fartlekking Canadian.
I'm sure you're not really supposed to be in the fountain, but really...who cares?
And finally, some of his other fans out to show their support!

All in all, it was a good day, even if Jesse's initial reaction involved the f bomb.