Potentially Pragmatic

With my birthday just around the corner, I am coming upon my final year to enjoy the 2 prefix. I guess it has made me do some reflecting on the last decade. A lot has happened. I moved a dozen or so times. I got married. I bought 2 houses. I adopted 4 dogs. I got a degree. I made friends in the Philippines. I, with my Canuck, was entrusted to lead 30 people around Nicaragua for a couple months (by the way, in retrospect - what the crap?!).

I guess this decade has been about searching. Searching for my purpose, my passion. I have tried to 'follow my heart' as they say, and though it has given me a whole lot of good stories, it's probably questionable whether or not it led me astray at times. Then again, it could very well be that I am just now coming to know my own heart. That is probably the true crux of the issue.

I was browsing some design sights online the other day and came across a quote a woman had painted in her craft room:

She believed she could. So she did.

It kind of hit me at that moment - why have I become so gun shy in attempting things? I used to be pretty adamant about giving anything a try at least once; and pretty much any idea I ever had, I chased in some capacity. No matter where. No matter when. I remember a late night conversation in Kona in which I told a friend of mine that I felt like the world was at my fingertips; I could go anywhere and do anything. I had such a keen sense that the world was full of possibility and promise. Over the next few years, most of my "tries" did not work out the way I had intended. So I guess I woke up one day, and upon realizing my track record, decided to approach life more practically. Does this pay the bills? Is this likely to work out? Is there a high chance I will succeed here? Is this.... safe....comfortable?

And now where do I find myself? Safe. Comfortable.

And totally bored.

So, while the last decade was about searching, maybe the decade ahead will be about refining. I have lived from the passion of possibility, and I have lived from the pain of the practical. Neither way is good for the soul. There must be some mingling of the two. Thus, the chore ahead of me is to mediate between the potential and the pragmatic.

And what better time than this? My past searching - successes and failures - has finally given me a firm grounding in who I am. I know what makes my blood boil and I know what makes my eyes light up. I know how I manage my resources and I know what breathes life into me (and what sucks it out).

Reflecting on this the last couple weeks has brought clarity. Clarity has brought courage. I am ready to try a few new things again; only this time, I'll probably jump with my eyes wide open instead of shut tight.