Food Inc.

I become increasingly passionate about the way we "do food" in America. As such, I am eagerly anticipating the release of Food Inc. in June. Please go see it!!

Life Lately

Lots of action around here lately. Jesse has been to Canada and back, but will be leaving again later this week for round two, which also happens to include his first half-marathon. Unfortunately, because of his surgery, he probably won't be able to run it as fast as he had planned. I'm bummed that I will miss his first race, but plan to be there with bells on for his first full marathon this fall.

Otherwise, we decided to forgo the garage conversion in favor of the less fun, but probably more responsible window upgrade. I think this was in part due to making a budget sheet at which point we realized we have no where near enough money to do the garage conversion. It's on hold for a later, more wealthy, date. Anyway, we ordered replacement windows yesterday at Lowe's, and I'm actually getting pretty excited about them. I hope to see a nice dent in our utility bills and I think they will make the house a bit cleaner looking. The old window panes have had nothing short of 500 coats of paint, which as you can imagine, does not leave the cleanest line. I think new windows will be cheery and clean, plus money saving, and tax crediting. Not a bad deal. So our big focus house-project-wise is on the windows and smaller details to get what we already have in top shape - finishing up some trim work, paneling in the flaking, potential asbestos ceilings in the office and bedroom, and organizing the messies. We figure by the time we are done with all of that, then maybe we can think again about doing the conversion.

In other happy news, we booked vacation!!! It sometimes seems hard to justify spending in a week what you would normally spend in two or three or four at home, but over the last couple years, I think we have both realized the value of annual vacations. One of the few times of the year when you really get away from everything and are able to actually give the other person your full attention with no agenda except relaxing and having fun. So, I am super excited to be going back to none other than Disney! When I called to book, she asked for my name and then said "Oh yes, I see you here in Mickey's address book." =)

Since booking, I have forced Jesse to sit through vacation video re-runs. Poor guy.

Anyway, I am seriously contemplating taking agility classes with Monkey. Well, agility or freestyle. I haven't decided which yet. I think it would be a lot of fun, and now that I'm done with school, I have some time for new hobbies. Plus, Monkey could definitely use a channel for her energy. Horton does not care to participate, though he did tell me that he would be happy to come and watch.

Oh, also, I officially said no to grad school. The dept. head said she understood my decision and that she hopes I can come in the future, so at least it was a positive no.

I guess that is about it. I'll have to get some photos on here soon. It's been a while.

Canuckless

I am without Canuck for the time being. Too bad, because the weather is perfection for a fire pit. I am tempted to make one for myself, but it seems kind of silly to make it just for me.

I went to lunch with my mom and then spent the afternoon on the back deck reading O magazine. There is a section this month all about animals, and one story in particular was about a lady who had to put her dog down. Of course, it made everything with Abe so fresh again and the waterworks started pumping, so I decided I needed to get out. I loaded up Horton and Monkey to take them for a little hike, but we needed gas first, so we made a quick stop at QT. This total macho motorcycle man pulls up at the pump opposite of me. Long hair, black leather, dark sunglasses. He says, "What are you doing with those dogs back there?" and I tell him we're going for a walk (mind you, this is all within 10 minutes of me reading the article and crying), and he says back to me, "I just had to bury my dog this morning. 14 years together." Lump in throat - check. So, we had a little chat about his dog and I told him about Abe, and we both agreed how hard it is to say goodbye. By this point, my plan to cheer up wasn't going so well! Anyway, eventually, we (as in me and the pups, not me and motorcycle man) made our way to a park by the river and had a nice three mile walk. I am not sure who enjoyed it most...cheered me right up, Horton was proud to pee on everything that stood more than two inches off the ground, and Monkey was convinced everyone had come to the park just to say hello to her.

Anyway, when we got back to the car, I had a voicemail on my cell phone from the dept. head at SFSU. Finally have a grad school decision! I gave her a call back, and was offered a spot with a nice stipend, but some of the details are complicated and I won't get into it all here. I had told myself I would say no, but it is proving to be harder than expected. I mean, I still think it may be best to say no, but I just didn't expect it to be this difficult to turn down. Anyway, I want to take a day or two to think it over and be sure that I am sure on my no.

In any case, for now, that's life without the Canuck.

Fun Gift

I received a fire pit last week as a graduation gift, which I am very excited about. My mom helped me assemble it, while Jesse looked on and laughed. (So what if we installed the doors upside down the first try??)



In any case, it was pretty warm out that day, but I insisted we try it out anyway.




We had a wood burning stove in our house in Colorado, so we were pretty good at lighting fires there. Since it has been a while though, I was very rusty. It's ironic...wildfires start all the time, yet when you are purposefully trying to start a fire, it proves to be more difficult. Anyway, I (er, okay....Jesse) eventually got it started.

Since that first day, I spent the week hoping for a good opportunity to use it again. That finally came last night, when it started to get cool as the sun was going down. My mom and Rich were down for a visit, so we busted out the stuff for smores and roasted marshmallows. I have no photos - but trust me, it was a perfect blend of sticky plus yummy.

Processing

When Jesse takes photos and eventually fills up his card, he downloads the photos to a folder called "card dump 5/08/09" or whatever the date is. The folder is jumbled up, with random photos from all kinds of events.

I feel a need for a card dumping of the brain.

Here are some sentiments from my head that I've been thinking a lot about the last couple weeks. Metaphorically speaking, some are stupid snapshots, some are accidental photos of the floor because the camera just happened to bump your thigh while you were walking, and some are formal, taken with a soft box and all. Here we go -

One of my professors once told me that my art is, "So you - subdued yet excited." That is how I feel tonight.

Regret. I should have learned more Spanish when we were in Nicaragua. I am not sure if I am more embarrassed or ashamed that I spent 2 months there and the only thing I really learned was how to order ice cream. So ethnocentric of me.

I miss Mr. David Curtis, the world's best sociology professor, and his thoughts. I have a huge craving for some good discussion in my life. I am thankful for Jesse, who has stayed up late with me a night or two to discuss spiritual matters.

I am still not sure if I am "healed", "have forgiven", whatever you want to call it, from experiences at Mercy Ships. I think it did deeper damage than I realized. I am actually pretty jacked up. And that doesn't really even bother me. I don't know if that is good or bad.

Does power corrupt or is it just coincidence that mostly slimy people come to power?

Sometimes I feel like I lose who I am in light of who I wish I was. Maybe it is just the human tendency to take for granted everything which is familiar and close, including yourself.

I have gained a new appreciation for women's lit. The dialogue is witty, so much social commentary between the lines. It makes me want to check out all the books I can with work from Sojourner Truth, Maya Angelou, and Phillis Wheatley. People have such beautiful things to say if we will only let them.

I still miss Abe. A lot.

I am excited to have some free time. Now that I am done with school, I can finally go back to learning for learning's sake. I hope I can get into a figure drawing class this fall.

I miss traveling, but I don't know why.

They say three things remain: faith, hope, and love. I have hope. I have love. But sometimes I don't know if I have faith.

Preach it, Dr. Greger!

I know you are all probably so sick of me harping on animal issues lately, but I just can't help myself. The swine flu has given me too much of an "in". Plus, it's my blog, so I can say whatever I want. =)

Immediately when I heard about the swine flue, my mind went to factory farming practices, and a feeling that we just brought this all on ourselves by grossly abusing the resources God has so generously given us.

So, I am posting something by Dr. Michael Greger, an expert in the study of clinical nutrition and the health implications of intensive animal agriculture on humans.

Here we go -

...The greatest change in our relationship with animals, however, has been the way billions are now raised for food around the world.

Factory farming practices have directly led to the emergence of deadly human pathogens including mad cow disease, Strep suis, Nipah virus, multi-drug resistant foodborne bacteria, and highly pathogenic strains of avian influenza. Although AIDS has killed 25 million people, the reason there is so much concern about influenza is that it is the only known pathogen capable of infecting literally billions of people in a matter of months.

With international attention now focused on the emerging H1N1 swine flu virus, it is important to reflect on how such viruses arise.

The first recorded emergence of a swine flu virus like the one we now face, incorporating both human and avian genes, was on a factory farm in North Carolina in 1998. When thousands of animals are crowded into filthy, football field-sized sheds to lie beak to beak or snout to snout atop their own waste, it can be a breeding ground for disease.

Though some within the meat industry have made commitments and acted to move away from some of the worst intensive confinement practices, others have instead sought to overturn laws meant to improve animal health. Last year, for example, the National Meat Association and the American Meat Institute brought a lawsuit to overturn a California law that would exclude pigs too sick or crippled even to walk from the human food supply, forcing producers to take better care of these animals.

A study of downed pigs published in 2008 in Livestock Science found that non-ambulatory pigs were significantly more likely to test positive for swine flu compared with pigs who could walk. More than half of the downed pigs were found to be actively viremic with swine flu virus, meaning that the virus was coursing through their bloodstream—53.8 percent were actively infected with an H1N1 virus and 51.9 percent with H3N2.

The meat industry trade groups argued, however, that it was okay to slaughter and process downed pigs for human consumption because swine flu wasn’t a threat. Now that the World Health Organization has declared swine flu a public health emergency, maybe industry will stop trying to undermine laws meant to protect animals and the public, and instead reduce the overcrowding and stress that helped lead to the emergence of such diseases in the first place.

Word!

10,000 Days

Last night as we were going to bed, Jesse told me that "if I did some math, I would know that tomorrow is a special day". Apparently, today is my 10,000th day alive. (I have yet to do the math to make sure that he calculated correctly.) Anyway, when I woke up, I had a nice card and a couple of ceramic dishes. (I am building up my collection for my dream kitchen.) When I got into the car to go to work, I found another small gift. Then I found two more later in the day. Plus, when I got home from work, he had made dinner, complete with a homemade dessert. I can't complain. Props to the Canuck!

All Grown Up

I've noticed a recent increase in the number of photography businesses that have popped up in this area. It got me thinking about where we (as in society) are headed in terms of technology and art. In many ways, despite the increase in the number of photographers, I feel like the art form of photography is slowly dying. Technology is enabling anyone, whether photographically knowledgeable or not, to be "a photographer". Digital cameras are becoming so good and so readily available that the average person can take some pretty good shots on the automatic mode. Likewise, photo editing software can do virtually anything and correct any mistake that you may have made while taking the photo. All of this definitely has big positives, but it also has some negatives. Good photographers are, in essence, no longer required.

It's almost like we are shifting from one art form to another. Photography itself is dying, but in the wake is another art form rising - digital manipulation of images.

I love the idea of new art forms, but I have to say, I kind of mourn the loss of those which they replace.

Jesse and I had many conversations when we lived in Tennessee that alluded to this very issue. For the longest time, he was very adamant that he would never go digital. He wanted to keep his film camera, keep his dark room equipment and stick with it. As his business grew, it became clear that if he wanted to stay in the world of photography, he would need to make the transition to digital. So, he did. That was 7 years ago. Today, digital has pretty much replaced film. Photographers who are going to school now won't be trained in dark room as much as they will be in Photo Shop. Chemicals and processing are a thing of the past. And, as a sad result, instead of adding art forms, we exchanged them.

While I know nothing about photography in terms of the technicalities and I in no way consider myself a photographer, nor am I even really all that interested in the art, I feel like I am mourning the loss of it. Not just because Jesse was a photographer, but just because. What I see happening with photography right now, I fear will shortly fall upon painters. I think on so many levels, I am concerned about where we are letting technology take us and what we are giving up in order to get there.

In so many ways, it is a good thing. Obviously, I'm thankful for technology. I love that we can Skype our family in Canada. I love that I can read blogs. I love that I can send messages instantly. I love that I can call Jesse while he's at the grocery store to tell him I forgot to add cereal to the list. I love that I don't have to know about photography to take decent photos. I love that in one glance of my computer screen, I can know exactly what 20 of my friends are doing on any given day.

But, sometimes I feel a bit sad about it all. It's like we've lost something along the way. Art, the ability to be alone with ourselves and feel okay about that, and a gratitude for the human connection are just a few areas that bring a hint of bittersweet sadness when I think about technology.

But, we can't be stagnant.

Maybe I am just getting older and that is my real issue. I'm to that age where I can't keep up with technology and trends, even though I feel like I am very young and should be up to date with the latest and greatest. Hallie recently told Jesse that she "played on the smart board". It brought on a conversation where Jesse and I reminisced about chalkboards. I thought to myself how different my kids school days will be from my own. And maybe every generation feels this at some point. It's like you just barely blink and suddenly you are a grown up and don't really know how it happened.

Hernie and Other Stuff

Jesse (who I now call "Hernie") survived his surgery last Monday and is recovering pretty well. He has a good 4 1/2" slice, so it will be a while before he will be able to fully bend or do all the things he used to do. All in all though, I think things went as smoothly as they possibly could. The post-surgery, druggie Jesse is much more social than the regular Jesse. He had me laughing a lot in his little recovery area, though I felt kind of bad for doing so. He was chatting up the nurse, the anesthesiologist, pretty much anyone who came by, recounting the story of his Nicaraguan EKG, asking for some rum with his post-surgery Coke, and just generally being a social butterfly. Because of his meds, he hasn't been allowed to drive. I think he was starting to feel a lot of cabin fever, so we went out yesterday to grab a bite to eat and do a bit of shopping. We are hoping he is totally med-free by Monday and will be able to go out and about to prevent the stir-crazy. We still don't know if worker's comp is approving it or not, so we don't know when he will go back to work. It's all very complicated with the union and worker's comp stuff. If they (worker's comp) don't approve it, he can't go back to work for 6 weeks, because he has to have full release from the surgeon to perform all parts of his job, and the surgeon of course won't release him to lift anything over 20 lbs for at least 6 weeks. But, if they do approve it, then he can go back to work right away, under the "light duty" label, and work upstairs at the ticker counter. So, right now we are in limbo, waiting to hear the outcome of all that.

Otherwise, I have 14 days of school left and I'm feeling pretty happy about that! It will be a busy couple weeks, finishing up papers and taking finals, but it will be so nice to be done! I still haven't heard about the grad school decision, but we have pretty much decided I would say no anyway. I am really liking my new job and don't want to give it up. Plus, I guess they are moving part of the program or expanding or something, because they called me last week to ask if I would be willing to do one semester at SFSU and then move to New Jersey to do the practicum. Nothing against Jersey, but it's not high on my list of places I'd like to move. In fact, it's right near the bottom, just above Kentucky and Tennessee. So, grad school is pretty much out of the equation at this point. Which means, now that we know I'm not moving across the country, we can look at putting new windows in the house, planning vacation, and fun stuff like that!

In any case, I'm off to the dog shelter soon to fall in love with more pups, wonder why in the world no one wants to take them home, and then wish so badly that I could. We have some real gems in the shelter right now. Anyway, I should wrap up the blogging, but I will leave you with some shelter trivia.

(I follow Wayne Pacelle's blog, which is where I get all these facts from. He is the main man of the Humane Society.)

30 years ago, 15-20 million dogs and cats were euthanized annually. Today, that number is down to about 4 million, which is super happy, amazing progress, but still also sad because it's totally preventable. Bob Barker said it best: "Please have your pet spayed or neutered."

Currently, only about 20% of dogs (in homes) come from shelters and rescue groups. If that number increased to just 35%, the issue of euthanasia and homeless dogs would be nearly solved. And that is huge, not just for animal welfare, but think about the number of tax dollars that get funneled into this issue - imagine all the other places we could use that revenue.

And though I love a good mutt (Horton and Monkey!), there are a number of pure bred pups (Abe and Riley!) in shelters and rescues groups - at least a quarter of them are pure bred.

So, yeah for shelters and doggies! Saturday is our biggest adoption day, so here's hoping I get some good news this afternoon...

Roller Coaster Life

It is definitely time for a new post, as otherwise, every time I log into my google account, I see the heading "Goodbye, Old Friend" and immediately feel my heart sink.

First, thank you everyone who e-mailed us, left a comment, stopped by, or called in regards to Abe. Little things make a big difference and it was special to us to know that others were thinking of him. For anyone who doesn't know, we got Abe when we lived in Colorado. We had just come off a very rough and utterly soul-deflating time at Mercy Ships. We didn't have any family there, and we only had a hand full of friends (if even that). In many ways, life was so very lonely. Getting Horton and Abe was like a breath of fresh air...two creatures who loved us just for us and had no agenda for changing us or improving upon our personalities. For that reason, and many others, Abe was one special pup. So thank you all for realizing what he meant to me...for not mocking me for being so heartbroken "over a dog"...and for letting me cry and hurt.

I don't know if I will ever stop missing Abe, but life has given me plenty to smile about.

Like tonight... I got home from work to find this:



Yes, that's Jesse just hanging out in the tub, reading a magazine...wearing nothing except a fleece and toque...and yep, that's a big bag of ice...just when I thought it couldn't get weirder. I'm emphatically told that "Runners do it". Something about drawing acid out of the legs and making it not hurt so much the next day. (He had completed his 15 mile run this afternoon.) Whatever the reason, I just think it's too funny to come home and find your husband sitting in a tub of ice water, wearing a toque, casually reading a magazine as if there is nothing strange about the situation...and the fact that he is Canadian is the icing on the cake.

Anyway, speaking of getting home from work... I start a new job next week! It's at a non-profit that I used to volunteer with when I was in high school. I'm still a little bit in shock....a job I actually want?? A job with co-workers I like?? An organization I could actually see myself staying with for years?? *Gasp!* Could it really be?? I will say though, while I'm excited and still a bit in awe that it all worked out how it did, when it did, I am nervous. The whole "is this too good to be true" type of thing... It's full time, doing some administrative and accounting stuff. As my mother-in-law can attest, I don't know terribly much accounting. She pretty much taught me what I know and the rest I learned by fumbling my way around Quick Books. I hope that I was able to portray an honest evaluation of what I do/don't know in the interviews. I think I am a quick learner, but I am a bit intimidated as it sounds like a pretty complex system they have going. So, I just hope I can do a good job and that I can bring something to the table that can be valued - and in that last part, I'm not just talking tasks - I can't handle a Mercy Ships repeat, so let's hope this round is redemption.

In any case, so next week is a big week not only because of the job, but also because Jesse has his big surgery on Monday. We have been preparing: trial Netflix subscription, check. Bed to set up in living room, check. Grocery shopping for "get better soon" food, check. I think he will do just fine, but I know whatever happens we will get through it.

In the meantime, I will leave with you some photos of none other than us and the dogs! I think I have set a record for dog photos/posts in the last month. So much happening in the doggie world, you know...

Goodbye, Old Friend

Dear Abe,

I don't know how to say bye to you. I'm so sorry it ended like this. I wish it didn't have to be this way. I wish I could have given you better in your final days. I wish you didn't hurt. I wish I could take all the pain away. I hope I didn't keep you here too long. I hope I didn't keep you here too short. I hope I wasn't blind to your pain because I selfishly just wanted to keep you with me forever. I don't know why the world can be so cruel sometimes. I know you didn't deserve the cards life handed you. I have so many good memories because of you. You will always stay in a deep, deep place in my heart. You were so determined in everything. I guess you knew you were coming into a house full of stubborn heads, and decided in your heart to outdo all of us. You kept us up for hours when it thundered outside. You shredded the mini blinds when Jesse and I went to the U2 concert. You ran through my mom's screen door and knocked the entire thing out. You barked and barked and barked. And when we'd scold you, you would squint up your eyes and look to the side and you made it so hard for us to be serious because of your funny, mischievous face. You sass barked me under your breath every time I made you stop something. You always made me laugh. And when I'd cry, you would hunker down and leave the room. You didn't ever want to see me sad. And at night when I was home alone, you comforted me. The sound of your breath at the foot of the bed made me feel like I wasn't so alone, and the world wasn't so scary. I hope I was able to give you at least some of that feeling today, but I wish I could have done better. I'll miss your courage, your heart, your happy, alert ears bobbing up and down on walks, your big, deep bark, your monster paw reaching out to me for attention. There is nothing about you I won't miss - nothing. I hope you know that. You will always be my Big Abe, and you will always be loved. Goodbye, old friend.

Mastery

I've been thinking a lot lately about mastery. There are many people I know who have had a straight path in their career, and who have essentially become masters of their domain. They know specific, in-depth information about their field. My mom, for instance - as far as I know, she wanted to be a teacher as a child and grew up to be one. She now knows a ton about kids, child development, disorders, legal issues within education. Essentially, I consider her an "expert" on the topic. Other friends of mine wanted to be doctors from the time they were 10, and off to med school they went and are now practicing. They are medical experts.

And then there's people like me. When I was a kid, I can remember wanting to be a number of things: marine biologist, real estate agent, actress, missionary, vet, interior designer, midwife, surgeon... I never just "knew" what I wanted like some people seem to know. As a result, today I have a wide range of shallow knowledge on a number of topics. No doubt a result of my trying a number of career and educational paths. I can tell you about various cultures, dog training, art, the entire flea life cycle, accounting, and even spell it all out for you in sign language if you really wanted...accented with a few French or Spanish phrases here and there. While I can tell you the basics of those topics and many more, I can't give you in-depth knowledge about any of them (nor can I speak fluently in ASL, French, or Spanish). I am not an expert at anything. Whereas, some people know a lot about a little (experts), I know a little about a lot (jack of all trades perhaps?) (Disclaimer: Just in case that last sentence came out wrong - I'm not saying experts don't know anything outside of their field, I'm just pointing out how deep their knowledge of one specific field goes.)

I suppose both have their right place in society, but I must admit I do at times envy the experts. How did one topic capture and hold your attention so that you were able to learn and grow so deep and rich in it? Did you ever wonder if you were missing out on anything else? Is it just a matter of discipline? Are jack of all trades people like me just basically flaky or are we brave?

It's just that, few things in my life have "stuck" and I don't know why. I know it's not for the lack of sincerity, but I suppose I get bored and want to move on to the next shiny thing that catches my eye. Does this just mean I haven't found my "thing" or is this just an inherent part of my personality, where I'm forever doomed to wander to and fro?

Sigh. Who knows.

At least the biggest commitment I ever made has stuck. One "thing" that still holds my attention, fascinates my mind, and warms my heart. But, last time I checked they weren't hiring experts on Mr. Nikkel.

A New Look

I'm playing around with a new look for this, so it may look awkward for the next few days and/or weeks until I figure something out. I really miss the Mac. Photo stuff was so much easier on there! So bear with me as I change things around and it looks funny or weird or out of place until it all settles in. =)

Decisions. Check.

Well, I think by now most of you know that we decided to keep Miss Monkey. I personally think this is 100% Jesse's doing, but he still tries to blame me on occasion. Since deciding to keep her, we have been trying to hit the training very hard. So far, we have worked most on the crate training, and a few basic commands - come, leave it, sit, and lay down. She is getting pretty good at all of them and seems to be warming up to her crate very nicely, taking naps in there and such. After she has mastered those, we will work on stay, speak, and quiet. Then once she has all of the basic commands down 100%, we will move on to useless, but cute tricks.

Currently, there is Monkey madness at the back door (aka: jumping, banging, pawing to come back in). Horton and Abe "knock" very nicely and politely, but Monkey goes ape. (Lame joke not intended.) It is a project training her. I took a lot for granted with Horton and Abe. Because they were older when we got them, they were (are) mellow, calm, already trained with the basics, and wonderful with each other - sharing food, beds, sleeping next to each other, great buddies with no fights at all, even when first introduced. It was always difficult to tell who was alpha and who was on bottom because they both just kind of went with the flow.

Monkey isn't so easy. Since she's a puppy, she's wild and crazy and doesn't know the rules. She is also figuring out her place in the pack, which has caused a few tiffs. I think (hope) they have all finally settled into their hierarchy at this point. Monkey is on top and Abe is the bottom rung. It kind of broke my heart to see Abe be demoted like that, but I know that what they need from me most is non-favoritism, consistency, and to support what nature created. So, we all know our place in the pack now and I need to just make sure I do my role. Hopefully I am making Cesar proud with my "calm and assertive" leadership. =)

We also finally made a decision about grad school. We decided that if I get in, I will only accept under certain conditions (x amount of stipend, etc.) Our "conditions" are pretty high and I highly doubt it will all pan out, but I am getting to be okay with that.

The positives of me not going are many, the most exciting of which is getting to live in the same place as Jesse! Behind that is being able to take a vacation, and doing more house projects. A couple weeks ago we went to Barnes and Noble and looked at house books. We thought of some really cool ideas for converting our garage to another bed/bath. And we have vacation narrowed down to two places - one of them is a given (Disney) and the other is Belize. Of course, we talk about all of this but we will need to find the money for it before it actually happens! The tax refund at least gives us a nice chunk to start saving with.

Otherwise, I am finally able to work in the gardens this weekend, getting lettuce and sugar snap peas in. My daffodils are in full bloom and make me happy every time I drive up to our house. And my tulips are just beginning to peek out. This spring is especially exciting as there are so many big changes/things around the bend. Not too much longer and Jesse will be running his first half marathon, which I am very excited about. He is becoming one buff guy.

Religulous

Jesse and I rented Religulous the other night. It's a documentary with Bill Maher, who I haven't really watched much of before. Apparently, it has been called "one of the funniest and most offensive documentaries ever made". I didn't really view it as offensive, though I can see how many people would, and for that reason, I won't publicly recommend it. It's pretty raw (even perhaps crude) in the way that it questions faith and religion, but I think it's a very honest raw and for that reason, I can respect it. Plus, it is full of the sarcastic humor I love so dearly. And besides that, many of the doubts it highlights are very familiar to me. The film spends a good portion on Christianity, but also peeks into Islam, Mormonism, and some other pockets of religions with smaller followings.

I think the point of the film is summed up in three quotes scattered throughout:

The irony of religion is that because of its power to divert man to destructive courses, the world actually could come to an end.

If the world does come to an end here, or wherever, or if it limps into the future decimated by the effects of religion-inspired nuclear terrorism, let's remember what the real problem was: that we learned how to precipitate mass death before we got passed the neurological disorder of wishing for it.

The plain fact is that religion must die for mankind to live.

I don't know that I agree with the end conclusion, but I definitely see where it's coming from. No one can deny that religion or some form of defining belief system have caused the vast majority, if not 100% of all wars in the world. And most religions cling to some sort of "final days" mentality where the world will be judged/destroyed, and the faithful will live happily ever after, while the evil will die or receive their just punishment. I get what Bill Maher is saying when he talks about the irony of that mentality and I get the damage done, the danger of religion.

But I also get the fact that faith is often the only thing that keeps people alive in really, really crappy situations. It is hope in a crazy, scary world. So, I don't think faith is necessarily the problem. How we use it is. And I won't argue with anyone who says it's misused, because it is. But, faith still has a place in this world. To be extreme either way (like trying to fight the injustice of religion by calling for its destruction) is just as dangerous as the other. After all, even not believing is a belief system, and calling for others to not believe is a "witness" or "conversation attempt" of some sort.

I'm sorry for all the times in my life when I've been "sure", because looking back, I can see that I may have done more damage than good. My certainty made me blind and arrogant.

Really, I think we're all wise to recognize that the world and God and faith are a lot more gray than black or white. I think we're all wise to recognize that we should never stop seeking, because the moment we stop is the moment we enter into that dangerous territory of arrogance and judgement. And I think we're all wise to offer a little more grace to those around us, realizing that they are really just like us - trying to make sense of it all, trying to do what is right by God.

I Promise I Have a Life Outside of My Dogs...Honest.

The fate of Miss Monkey is still unknown, but here are some pictures anyway. We went ahead and bought a third dog bed, which Horton and Abe have taken to sharing. We aren't sure if they do this to get away from Monkey madness or if they both just really like the new bed. Poor old Abe can usually only manage to get his front half on the bed before his back gives out. This sort of works to our advantage when he has accidents - much easier to clean up on hardwood than a soft, absorbent bed. This is our nightly doggie routine. We have Abe's wiener cleaner, his antibiotics, his pain meds, his eye drops, and Monkey girl got in on the pill action by adding antibiotics and steroids to the mix. Turns out her rash thing isn't mange (thankfully!), but she does have some sort of allergy, plus it had a secondary infection from her scratching at it. After a couple weeks, she will be med free. (Though she does have a spay appt. on Wednesday, and I imagine she may have yet more meds after that.) Anyway, apparently, if a dog is high maintenance, it comes to live at the Nikkel house.
I personally think I am being much stronger than Jesse with trying not to get too connected to Monkey. He is a sucker! I often overhear him whispering/talking to her: "Go suck up to Natasha. Go put your head on her lap and show her you love her." or he will come up to me with Monkey and put his face by hers and then they both give me puppy dog eyes.
Monkey really doesn't photograph well, but you can get a better idea of what she looks like in this one.
And just because Abe is cute and we love him...
Monkey is harder to get a photo of because she's so squirmy and likes to do her puppy wiggles. This is the best one I have gotten of her face so far.
We took her and the boys up to my mom's house yesterday. She and Riley didn't get along too well, but Horton and Riley didn't get along when they first met either. She acted pretty scared and skittish at first when we got there and was being a grump, but after she warmed up to the place, she was running around happily. She enjoyed playing with my brother's puppy, but sometimes I wasn't sure if she realized that she is about 5 or 6 times bigger than he is, as she made him yelp once or twice. She is definitely still in the puppy stage and needs guidance and/or redirection often. She sometimes thinks it's fun to move socks and/or shoes around the house. She doesn't really chew on them, but we have been finding one or two random shoes or a sock in odd places. Mostly though, she understands that her toys are okay to chew on and carry around, but other objects are not. She sits quite nicely when she thinks you have a treat and she is slowly learning "off", "leave it", and "drop it". And although we have three Kongs, one for each dog, she wants whatever Kong the other dogs have. Abe put her in her place the other day by snapping at her and from that point, she sat down and stared at the Kong longingly, but she was very good to stay away from it. I think she's a pretty smart pup and with some training, she would make a wonderful and obedient dog. I am really pleased with how well she interacts with Horton and Abe. Horton is losing weight from being so much more active and playing, which is great, because he had really tubbed up over winter. And Abe doesn't really play with her, but he is more alert and seems to be pretty content with another dog around. That was my main concern. I didn't want my old guy thinking that he was being replaced or getting stressed out from too much activity in the house. Now, Abe is sort of like the old wise man in the village. He generally flies solo, but he will correct the youngsters when they get out of line and everyone is quick to listen to his reprimand. So, maybe Monkey has been a good thing for him. I just don't know.

Monkey is like my physical daily reminder that I have so many looming life decisions to be made. Sigh...what will we do with you Monkey girl?

Mocha Monkey Girl

So we are officially fostering the pup. I took her to the shelter last night so that we could get her photos taken and get some paperwork lined out for her. The shelter told me they were going to list her online as "Mocha", but that we could call her whatever we wanted. We figured it may be better if we call her some form of Mocha so that when people meet her, if they say that name, she will respond. So, now she is some form of Mocha Monkey Girl...Miss Monkey Mocha Moo...whatever plops out beginning with M basically. My biggest concern at this point is that she is really itchy on her legs and belly with little scabs or something and I'm kind of worried she has some form of mange...which is contagious to other animals and humans. Hopefully it's not that, but until she gets in to see the vet, I will be a bit worried. We have to wait for the shelter to schedule the vet appt. because they have special terms and what not worked out with certain vets, so we can't just take her in ourselves. So, say a prayer for no scabies/mange/mites at our house until then!!! I kind of wish we could just take her ourselves to put my mind at ease. Oh well...wait we will. We also don't know if she is spayed or not, so I suppose at any given moment she could go into heat, which would suck. So, I'm hoping for a vet appt. sooner over later for this girl!! Once her ad is up online, I'll post a link. We have to wait a while anyway because legally we need to give the original owner a chance to reclaim her before she can be officially put into any adoption system. Once she is up for adoption, we have to take her every Saturday to one of two adoption events put on by the shelter and we also have to be willing to arrange for meetings for people who contact the shelter saying they are interested. I think it's going to be awfully tough to drop her off on a Saturday morning and not know whether or not I will ever see her again. But, I have to tell myself with life circumstances for us, it's just not the right thing to do to keep her. Not only do we have an old Abe on our hands, but if I get into grad school, I'll be moving and life will be crazy enough. It just wouldn't be fair to a dog. But, if no one has adopted her by the time I hear about grad school and I don't get in....then maybe we will rethink the situation. I don't think that's likely though. She is very cute and will make a great pet, so my guess is that she will be adopted out within a month or so.

Anyone Want A Dog?

Most of you know our "boys" are very much part of our little family. Abe has been getting older and older and we've been thinking he may be in his last few months. I have wanted to be a foster home for the shelter for a while now, but we decided that the best thing to do would be the wait until Abe has passed, because we don't know how well he would do with a young and energetic dog in the house. Even mellow Horton, at nearly 10 years, can be a little much for Abe at times. And being that most dogs at the shelter are younger, it just didn't seem like the right thing to foster. So we decided our little family should remain just the four of us.
I should know that anytime you make a decision in life, or talk about something like it's a sure thing, life circumstances will immediately change to prove you wrong. Last night I got a phone call from Jesse. It went like this:

Me: Hey!
J: I have a dog and it's coming home with me.

It was a stray, running around the university campus (which sits smack in in the middle of very busy city roads). No collar and no microchip. (By the way, what is up with people? - if you have a dog, it needs at the very, very least, a collar with your contact info or a rabies tag with your vet's info.) She most definitely has some Shar Pei in her, and possibly some Chesapeake Bay Retriever. And she stinks like chemicals or pesticides or something. I can't wait to give her a bath. She doesn't have fleas, but she has been itching a lot, which makes me wonder if someone either applied something to her coat to kill some insect that has left little itchy bites on her, or if she is itching because she's having a reaction to whatever chemical thing they put on her. Anyway, Jesse posted everywhere online about this doggie and put up signs in the area he found it, but we have had no one contact us.

So that leaves us wondering what to do. We have a few options....I could try to get her into the system at the shelter I work with, but I know last weekend when I was there, they were jammed full. I could take it to work and kennel it there until we find a home, but they don't really do much screening of people the same way that a potential owner at the shelter would be screened - just different mentalities and reasons for existing. Or we could keep it. Or I could see if the shelter will at least put it in their system and then we could foster it. We don't know. We decided we will wait until tomorrow to see if anyone contacts us and then decide from there.

In the meantime, we have been trying to decide what to call her until we decide. So far we have tried Tango, Brown, and Monkey, but are having a hard time finding a name that seems fitting. Any ideas???

Horton and Abe are being very hospitable, as they always are with other doggies. In fact, she fits in quite well. She even "knocks" on the back door to come back in just like Horton and Abe. This morning she and Horton played and played and when I peeked out the window, they were terribly cute taking a breather together.

I didn't really see much of her last night, because by the time Jesse got home with her, I was pretty much ready to go to sleep. So, when I got up this morning I wasn't sure how she would react to me. But, she sat down beside me and snuggled right up against my leg as soon as I got up. Kind of makes it hard to not start getting attached.


Anyway, I have a feeling she is not going to be reunited with her original owner since we have had no luck at all with that route. So....anyone want a dog?

The Pattern of Life

I've thought a lot the last few years about career and family and what it means to be a woman walking somewhere in between (which I don't technically consider myself to be part of, because I don't have kids yet). Even so, feeling like someday I'll have to choose has weighed heavily on me at times. I think it is a pertinent issue for women in my generation, whether or not it's consciously on women's minds.

As I look toward the possibility of grad school, I feel very mixed. In so many ways, I want it to work out, yet there must be some part of me that would just feel all together relieved if it doesn't. The program I applied to is out of state, which I don't think I've ever mentioned on here before. So, to go means living apart from Jesse for a while (because of the house and other details), putting us in a harder spot financially due to the living arrangements plus the likelihood of more student loans and basically starting life fresh somewhere else - alone. But it also means a really, really good step toward building my career. To not go, means I'll most likely slink into some job that is just so-so and helps pays bills. But it also means being in the same place as Jesse and the finances feeling some relief since one of us would be done with school all together. Both versions of life have appeal and drawbacks.

I've been realizing more and more, there are very few "right or wrong" decisions in life. Most are just different, with different ups and downs. Of course, many have heavy implications - like this whole grad school thing for instance, would probably have a big impact on when we have kids. But, it's not like there is a right or wrong time to go through big life changes. Yet somehow, there is this pressure about right and wrong times in life. Not just for women, but people in general. For instance, if people aren't married by about age 30, they get a lot of questions or people trying to hook them up, as if something must be wrong, because they aren't following the right life pattern. Or if kids aren't had by x years into marriage, there is a lot of question and assumption. I've even been asked "Why don't you want kids?", a question based on the fact that I've been married a while and don't plan to have kids in the near future. Or not going to college right after high school, that was like the end of the world to some people when I announced I wasn't going - as if I had just given up all chance of ever graduating. And I remember this past holiday having a conversation with a parent who was deeply, deeply concerned that their high school senior child didn't want to go to college right away. But...universities are always open...even for people who aren't 18. So why is it that people get so bent out of shape when you (or they) don't follow the "pattern"? And who made up this pattern anyway? It's all so silly. And I've been very guilty of living by the pattern, whereby I put all these deadlines on myself.

Well, if we decide to have kids biologically instead of adopt, then the risk of birth defects begins increasing starting at age 30, and by age 35, well just forget it...but if I go to grad school, that hardly leaves any time to work in a career that I worked so hard for before I'd be nearly out of time to have kids and then I'd just be giving up everything I worked so hard to get in the first place... and so was the pressure of the pattern.

Now, I've realized that either way will be okay. If I go to grad school, if I don't - life will be dramatically different either way, but both options, in one way or another, get me closer to the life that I want to build.

I think I've finally realized, the most important thing is not what I do, but who I love.

And love can look a lot of different ways.

Names

Have you ever googled yourself and been really disappointed that there are other people who share your name that post really, really stupid stuff online? And then you hope that in this day and age, with all the networking sites, people from your past don't go looking for you and then see the sites with the other person with your name and think it's you? Or have you ever owned a domain with some variation of your name, let it expire, and then have it bought by someone else who turns it into an adult porn site? Because I have.

Ahhhh, the beauty of the googler on the internets.