Christmas Happenings

I can hardly believe Christmas has come and gone. This year, November and December went by faster than ever.

On Christmas Eve, we went up to my mom's house. Horton is always cute during car rides that last longer than 10 minutes. He usually hangs his head over the seat in between Jesse and I and just stares at us, occasionally sighing. This round, we had presents stacked in between the seats, so he couldn't hang his head in the usual manner, though he did try.

On the drive up, Jesse told me his Christmas present to my mom would be that he wouldn't flip her off in any photos. Apparently, I was exempt from this gift.
Jesse may act tough with his middle finger and all, but he is really a softie...as evidenced by this little snuggle with Jackson, my brother's dog. I think Jackson was giving him some kisses.
Jackson weighs 8 lbs. Abe weighs 98 lbs.

My mom ordered an ice cream cake. Mmmmm...
More evidence of the softer side... that's Jackson laying between Jesse's legs. They had a nice little nap together.
There is a long running joke in our family about "smelling the leaves". Here, my mom had just unwrapped a candle from my brother, which was aptly named "leaves". And as you can see, Abe and Riley were very content to watch it all unfold.
These are from the following day when we went down to my aunt and uncle's house to see my Dad's side of the family.
Horton and Abe didn't get to join in on this celebration, but my aunt and uncle do have two dogs who weren't shy about asking for some affection. This is Merris.
This is three generations of the guys on my Dad's side (plus one toddler thrown in for good measure).
And now...here comes 2009!

Warning to Men

Thanks to Dale for this video:

Rambling about something which I've yet to determine...

I have been thinking a lot lately about happiness and what my "ideally happy" life would look like. I'm nearing graduation, which has meant making a lot of choices about where I want to head. Unintentionally, it has made me face a lot of realities about what I believe about life, and what I want out of it.

If I'm being honest, I really regret ever going to college. It is the first thing in my life that I can say I truly would probably not repeat if I were to make the choice again. Even hard times, tough times that I've gone through, most of them, I would probably choose again because I feel like they shaped me in some important way. But college, if I am being honest with myself, I went for the wrong reasons, and a big part of me feels deeply ashamed of my choice, because I know the depths of how cowardly my choice was.

I know a lot of people think I was nuts for not going in the first place, and many even view non-college grads as people who have made bad life decisions. I've met my fair share of people who judged me for not going or gave me a big "good for you" when they found out I "went back" - the same type of "good for you" that I would imagine someone would say to an alcoholic who was celebrating their first year sober. The implied You must have messed your past up. I'm glad you're getting your act together now. is hard to deny. It used to make me angry when people would judge me like that, but I've learned it's merely a difference of opinion, one that we probably won't be seeing eye to eye on anytime soon.

My hope now is that someday in the future, my degree will actually allow me to do something that I couldn't do without it. If I get into grad school, then maybe I won't regret it anymore. But we only know what we know now, and right now, I'm disappointed in myself for ever having gone. Not that I didn't learn some things, because I certainly did. But, I feel the majority of it was time spent wasted pursuing something that I never even wanted in the first place (and I'm not just talking about the degree).

But, for whatever reasons, I am where I am, and now I am figuring out where to go. Part of me worries that I have limited my opportunity by going. I feel so very tied down in life. More than I ever have before. It used to be, for both Jesse and I, this mentality of the world being at our fingertips. We were free to dive in and try anything that we dreamed. And we did. We tried many things. We failed at many things. We succeeded at many things. But now I just feel kind of stuck. I feel like I have all these strings and attachments that I never wanted - student loan debt, a house in a market that is upside down... and I feel so limited. It used to be that anything I could dream, I could do. And now, there is all this sticky red tape. I can still do anything, but it's a whole lot harder now because first I have to deal with all my strings that I got myself all tangled up in.

And I worry for Jesse. He is getting his degree now too. Is he doing it for better reasons than I did it for? Is it freeing him or is it tangling him up in strings?

I just want to live simply. I don't want all this stuff. I don't even need all this stuff. Yesterday, we cleaned out our closet and produced four trash bags full of clothes. And the closet is still full.

This excess has been on my mind a lot lately. Friday evening, Jesse and I went to visit an old friend of mine, who has recently moved to live in a community downtown that I really identify with. They don't have much, but they use everything they have to its maximum potential. Collecting rain water from the roof to use for the gardens, which help feed them, processing a dead, donated deer all by themselves, slowly fixing up the building as they can, opening their doors to the homeless to come in and shower and get a fresh change of clothes, cooking meals to share, and just living to love. And what I perhaps most love about it, is that it's not charity. In order for someone to get something, they must give something. For instance, if a homeless person who comes in to shower wants a clean shirt, he must give his own shirt - same for shoes or whatever else. The community then launders it, and puts it back in the closet. Charities are good, and certainly needed, but a principle flaw of them that I have really struggled with is the mentality that can come along with them. It's so easy to get this mentality of pride and do-goodness where you get all puffed up because you did a good deed to help someone else. And indeed, I think we as humans are wired for that. Scientifically, it's been proven in study after study, doing good gives a chemical boost in the brain. But, I think we have to be careful that this doesn't become our principle reason for doing good, because then, it's really all about us and we've created some sort of "us and them" mentality in which we are the do-gooder and they are the receiver. And tangling someone up in "receiver" mode does nothing to help them in the long run. Not to mention it can be terribly degrading and rob them of their own dignity.

I didn't used to understand this. It hit me one day when we were working with Mercy Ships. One week, a free health clinic was set up by a few nearby doctor's offices. Mercy Ships staff were encouraged to go, both to volunteer and to receive the services. Jesse was having some health issues, so we signed up to go to receive. I didn't think much of it, until we got there. It was one of the most humiliating days of my life. Checking in, there were long tables set up, with the volunteers standing behind them, and people coming to receive the services on the other side of the tables. When we got to the table, I'll never forget the way the volunteers looked. They were happy. They were proud. But, it was apparent, that I was not one of them. They did not view me as equal. I was just this lower person, a pawn in their "do my good deed and get high" scheme. I'm sure it wasn't intentional, and most likely, every volunteer there was doing it with the best of (conscious) motives. Yet, it was very difficult to distinguish - who was benefiting more from this charity event - the volunteers or the people it was meant to serve? Having the tables, (literally!) turned on me, made me realize how deeply charity can strip a human of their dignity. It was such an ironic morning. Here, Jesse and I were devoting our entire lives to charity...we spent day in and day out "behind" the table, and this was my first taste of ever being in front of it. That day forever changed the way I view charity work, and I can recall the emotions with a very raw clarity.

It's not enough to just give. It's a matter of the heart, of "dividing soul and spirit, joints and marrow", of taking a really, really hard honest look at why we do what we do - and being willing to change when the answer we find within isn't as pretty as we hoped.

So what is my point? Good question. I really have no idea. I'm just thinking...thinking about what community means, about what my life means, about balance and if there is such a thing, about what people deserve compared to what they get, and about whether or not I just ingested a moth when I ate that last bite of Fig Newton.

Does anyone ever reach a place where they can say they are truly satisfied in life? Do I try new things because I'm avoiding something, or because I'm seeking something? And where do you find truth when even your very own belief system is riddled with lies?

It's just that none of the answers in life that really matter are simple. That is, unless the rest of humanity knows something I don't. Bueller?...Bueller?...Anyone?

Thanksgiving and Dogs

I feel like the entire last month has just been a blur of activity.

This coming week is the last week of the semester for both Jesse and I. We will both be breathing a deep sigh of relief when it's all over. I also accepted a job at one of the vet clinics I was interviewing with and will be making adjustments. I am still not sure how scheduling will work out between both jobs, but at least I know my current bosses allow me some flexibility, so hopefully the transition will be as smooth as possible. Right now, we're operating in the "one day at a time" mode just trying to keep up with everything, but hopefully after the semester wraps up, the schedule will feel some relief and I'll have time to adjust to working both jobs before having to return back to school.

Speaking of dogs, I've been terribly stressed over the dog across the street this past week. The neighbors have definitely moved out, and are possibly in the process of being foreclosed on. The house went up for sale a month or two ago, and they moved out slowly, but another neighbor told us he thinks it is now in the foreclosure process and that they are in the middle of a divorce. Whatever the case, the people have moved, but the dog is still chained up in the backyard. We were a bit concerned before Thanksgiving, but kind of thought that maybe they just went away for the holiday for a few days and had someone else looking after the dog... well, it's become apparent that no one is really caring for the dog. The water dish has been completely frozen on numerous occasions, and his food dish has been empty. Another neighbor has fed him a couple times and has been checking in on him as well. The pattern seems to be that the owner stops by the house about once a week, dumps a bunch of food into this bucket (which isn't enough to last the dog all week) and then leaves within a matter of minutes. The poor thing is deprived of attention and if it were not for us and one other neighbor, would also be deprived of food and water on numerous days. We have attempted to contact the owner (via asking the realtor to relay a message to him with my contact info) and if I can get in touch with him, I am going to try to get him to sign the dog over to me so that we have legal ownership. If I can get that piece taken care of, then I will be able to work with the shelter to find him a home. I have already been talking with them about the dog, but I find myself anxiously awaiting a phone call or e-mail from the owner, and I have been looking out the window every time I hear a car door, just in case someone has stopped there. It is driving me crazy that I can't just go over there and take the dog. And everytime I wake up at night, I worry that the dog is over there just shivering. If I don't hear anything from the owner within a few days, I think I am going to have to call animal control, but I'd really rather not have to go that route. Anyway, you can pray this little pup is able to get into a new, safe home soon!!

Otherwise, here are a few photos from Thanksgiving that I meant to post a while ago.

My Grandpa loooooves Jesse. Here, he is showing him one of his guns. He has all kinds of guns from different wars and who knows where else. Anyway, for some reason, he loves to show Jesse different items from his travels, so last round, it was the guns.


Me and the grandparents...


This is from the next day, which I unfortunately don't really have many photos of. Abe got thirsty and decided his big noggin' might fit into my water cup, so he helped himself. The little dog next to him is Jackson, a recent addition to my brother's family. After Abe lapped up my water, I got myself a clean glass, and then caught Jackson drinking out of that one. Lesson learned - keep your drinks off the floor when the dogs are around!


The day after that (yes 3 days straight of Thanksgiving madness!), we went to see Trans-Siberian Orchestra, which was really good. Jesse and I had to cut out early though, since it was running late into the evening and Jesse had to get up early for work the next day.

Anyway, that was our Thanksgiving and now December is here and I can hardly believe it!

Decorating for Christmas (a.k.a. Being Stupid With Our Dogs)

Last night, Jesse climbed up in the attic to pull out our Christmas tree and decorations. Now we are all festive, and the cd player is fully equipped with Christmas tunes.

We used to only decorate half of the tree because we never bought enough decorations to go all the way around, though I'm not sure why. In any case, this year, my mom decided to go with a new theme on her tree, so we got her hand-me-downs, which just happened to match our red and gold perfectly. So for the first time, the tree is decorated all the way around!

And of course, what Christmas-y evening would be complete without doggie snuggle time?

Our self-family photo attempts... (That quite obviously did not work...)



Jesse was showing me what it might look like if he had too much Christmas "cheer".


Thankfully, Horton knows CPR and was ready and willing to revive.

Notice how I am the only one decorating...

Free Stuff

I always like free stuff, and according to this article, "Beginning Sunday at 12:01 a.m., coupons for a free 20-ounce soda will be available for 24 hours on Dr Pepper's Web site. They'll be honored until Feb. 28."

Jobs

It has been a crazy couple weeks. And I just realized tonight that Thanksgiving is next week. People kept talking about, and I kept thinking "oh just figure it out when it gets closer..." but I guess it's closer rather than further. Jesse and I have a fiesta of places to go starting on Thanksgiving day and the few days following, as I imagine most everyone does. Speaking of which, the previews for Four Christmases look really funny.

Otherwise, I have been looking more seriously for some extra work. I have had a couple interviews, and have two more this week. One of them is a follow-up interview...actually she called it an "observation day to make sure this is what you really want to do". Kind of sounds like a scary preface I guess...lol! It's at a vet place though (actually both interviews this week are at vet places), so I imagine they have to screen carefully to be sure that people are okay around animals, and secondly that they are okay seeing animals in surgery and stuff. I got a tour when I was there the first time and saw a little kitty in surgery, but when I go in for the "observation", I think she said they have three surgeries scheduled, so I guess that will be the true test. I honestly don't know how I will do, but I just hope it becomes clear to me whether or not it would be a good fit.

The first few times I went to the shelter, walking in, I would immediately feel overwhelmed and somewhat sad and wonder if I could "handle it". It's just this crazy sound of dogs howling and whining and crying and barking and the easiest thing to do is just retreat back home and think about happier things instead of animals who have been abused or neglected. The initial sound doesn't get to me the way it used to, though I won't say my heart never gets mangled over stories that come outta there. But, I think I have found that place where sensitivity and callousness meet just enough to allow you to do the job that needs to be done. Those pups have bruised me, knocked me over, scratched me, worn me out, dragged me across gravel, nearly broken my fingers, and made me cry more than once. But, it's the most fulfilling pain I've come across. And for every bruise there is a lick. And for every sad story there is happy story. The thing I love about the shelter is that while yes, some of those dogs have endured horrible abuse, the fact that they are at the shelter means their abuse is over. It's a new beginning. And instead of having just one person who loves them, they have dozens who love them. And those dozens will love them up until the day they leave the shelter and beyond. The shelter isn't a sad place. It's a really happy place, full of hope.

I'm not so sure that it will all work out the same in the vet world. But, I know I'm at least going to find out. And I'm hoping that this time next week, I will have an extra job!

Funny

University of St. Andrews has set up an online face transformer as part of a research project. It is pretty funny.

In case I ever needed to know what I might look like if I had different genes...

If my mother were a monkey:

If I had a little Asian:

If I were a cartoon:

I think this next one is supposed to be "afro-caribean":

When I'm older:

If I were a (kind of creepy) baby:

Tagging

Well, I am on my third round of being "tagged" by this bionic blog chain mail plague thing and I'm running out of stuff to say about myself. None the less, I will play along the best I can, but only because Miss October tagged me, and I can't possibly turn down a star.

So here we go, more than you ever cared to know about me:

1. I am in love with this boy and keep telling Jesse that he needs to come meet him too so that we can think about fostering him. The only downside to that is that I really want to keep him and would secretly hope that no one ever adopted him so that he could remain at my house. But, I know that our checkbook can't handle a third dog, so I am desperately trying to remain relatively detached when I go see him each week - even though I think he would fit in to our family so perfectly and he likes to swim and he walks so well for me and he is so sweet and lovable and he is just a gorgeous looking boy and the very first time I ever saw him, my immediate thought was "oh he fits with me so well, this is my kind of boy", and really, I've only ever had that similar thought about one other boy upon first laying eyes on him, and that episode turned out well because it was Jesse...which can lead to my second fact:

2. The very first time I ever saw Jesse, I was sitting on the bus by the fountains at the U of N and Jesse was walking up the side walk about ten yards or so away, carrying his photo bag, and wearing his signature "uniform" - white t-shirt, olive colored shorts, and tevas - and at the time, he still had his thicker brown artsy looking glasses and a necklace from the Philippines, and I remember looking out and seeing him and thinking "Hm. That is what someone I would be with looks like. That fits me." And I had never thought anything like that before - it was just matter of fact, it wasn't emotional at all - but I remember thinking that, and then the bus pulled away and I went about my day and didn't think of it again...until a few months later when I met Jesse for real and finally realized that he was that guy on the sidewalk.

3. I put three Christmas cds into rotation on November 1st. Which reminds me of another fact:

4. In a few weeks, we will be going to see The Trans-Siberian Orchestra, courtesy of a birthday gift from my brother and sister-in-law. Traditionally, I have played my TSO cd on repeat throughout the months of November and December. As of last year, our Christmas music expanded exponentially thanks to a gift from Cheremi (which accounts for fact #3.)

5. Jesse and I seriously considered doing something just like this for our last vacation. Timing and exchange rates didn't quite pan out, but I am hoping that we can still do it within the next year or two.

6. I just asked the first person on my list for a reference letter for grad school, who happens to be my favorite ever professor (and a major influencer of my political views I might add), and he said yes, but his rule is that he makes you write the letter first, then he tweaks and signs. So, a few days ago, I wrote a letter bragging on myself in the third person.

7. Tonight, I am going to watch Private Practice and ask myself, as I do each week while watching, if I am sure that I really want to rule med school out. And for minutes, I will be tempted to apply. And then I will remember my friends in med school....and the bags under their eyes...and their pasty white faces... and I will say Crap no!

So, there you have it. Tag complete.

(Long-winded, but important) Politics

I've gotten a good number of e-mail forwards this week about politics, most of them trying to sway my vote on way or another. I'm sure I'm not the only one.

Some people have asked me why I am voting how I am, so I will spill it here. Ignore this post if you are all fired up over politics or sick of hearing about it. (I have been enjoying all the political banter between people, so I am going to milk it while I can.)

A few things to mention before I begin -

First, let me say I'm an independent. My presidential vote happens to land on the Democratic side this round, but my overall ballot swings both ways and generally always has. (By the way, there is a short political typology test here if anyone is interested in checking out how their views line up with different US parties.)

Second, let me say I am sincerely impressed with Obama (as if you hadn't figured that out yet), and yes, I'm biased. But at the same time, I'm not totally black and white, and I know Obama has faults and McCain isn't all bad. In fact, I don't have terribly much against McCain other than I just simply don't agree with many of his policies, and I don't feel his vp candidate is ready for office.

Third, if you wonder where I am getting my statistics and facts, I'll tell you. =) The source is either cited in text in the blog, and if it's not, then it means I am pulling the fact from various sociology textbooks - namely Crisis in American Institutions and Social Inequality: Forms, Causes and Consequences. Both are excellent reads and I would highly recommend them to anyone. (You don't have to say it, I know I'm a total geek for recommending textbooks for leisure reading.)

So now that you have my full disclaimers, here we go:

Morally, many people side with McCain for abortion/gay marriage issues. Regarding gay marriage, I honestly don't know if homosexuality is right/wrong or somewhere in between, and I really don't care if I never figure that out. What I do know, however, is that I firmly believe every US citizen should have the same legal rights. Currently, homosexuals do not have the same freedoms as heterosexuals. For example, things like hospital visitation rights, being added to a healthcare plan, or filing joint taxes. I don't feel a need to "protect" marriage. My marriage is holy and sacred all by itself and I don't need to dictate someone else's love life in order to keep it that way. (And secondly, if we really want to "protect" marriage, here's a novel idea - uphold your commitment and stop getting divorced.)

Regarding abortion, I think it's wrong, and especially during late term, I think it's cruel. But I also think it's complicated in most situations and I also think that having it be totally illegal would create major health risks because people would try to have abortions illegally and unsafely. I don't have the answer for abortion rights and I don't think Republicans or Democrats will ever have a good answer either. I think generally, women facing that decision will do the best they can with what they have and what they know.

Financially, I like Obama's plan and I really don't like hearing John McCain say that corporations are paying record high taxes. In reality, US corporations today have one of the lowest tax rates in the history of the nation. For example, if corporations paid the same tax rate today that they paid in the 50's, then tax payments to the US Treasury would be $380 billion higher than they are right now. There are insane amounts of loopholes that allow corporations to avoid paying taxes, and believe me, they take advantage of everyone of them.

Healthcare, I like the starts of Obama's plan. I like that you would be able to choose public or private. I like that everyone can be covered. I know in this area, some people are saying he's socialist or what not. But he has said that he knows America could not operate on a socialist health care plan. The other concern is that it would end up costing too much to offer this coverage to everyone. But, when the Canadian government converted to 100% socialized healthcare, their total healthcare costs actually declined, and beyond that Obama's plan isn't even socialist. He's simply providing an alternative to those who may be having trouble getting private insurance. And McCain's plan? I don't see it functioning for the long term. Taxing health benefits? A $5000 break? That's like putting a bandaid on a brain tumor. I've lived without health insurance and I know what it's like to pay for stuff out of pocket or to wait to go to the doctor until you feel really, really crappy because you don't know how you'll afford it. And trust me, from that standpoint, Obama's plan is looking a whole lot better.

Trade - I like Obama's caution and consideration of all factors. I feel like McCain really puts profits ahead of everything else. An example of this came about in the last debate. Columbia was McCain's example of choice regarding free trade. He spouted all the benefits of it and implied that Obama was a naive young pup who doesn't know a thing about trade because he has stated that he is not all for a free trade agreement with Columbia. On the surface, McCain's argument makes sense because trade seems to simply be about economics and world allies. But if you look deeper, it has really heavy human rights ramifications. There is so much screwed up stuff happening in Columbia with US corporations paying paramilitary groups to kill people (workers) who threaten the bottom line of profits by wanting to unionize, etc. (I'm looking at you Chiquita bananas!!!) If we just sign this free trade agreement, in many ways, we are telling the world "profit before humanity", "our own interests come before anything else", "money matters more than lives". And certainly, especially with America's current global reputation, we don't need more of that message sent. As such, I don't think it's a bad thing when Obama is cautious to sign a deal that has major human rights flaws. It's ironic really to me, because all along, Obama has been criticized for a lack of foreign policy experience, but when I listen to them, it seems that Obama has a more proper worldview as far as consideration of all aspects instead of just economic or military ramifications. Obama has also been active in support for Darfur, which obviously, hits close to my heart. I like that he seems eager to want to restore America's global identity through diplomacy, and I feel like we are in dire need of that, as most of the world hates us.

The rest of the issues regarding foreign policy and economics are probably too clouded in my mind. I have a very distinct world view about inequality and capitalism, and I know I'm very biased in that. So the rest of this is more my personal view than objectively looking at issues.

I don't believe there is a "free market" and I don't believe there is "equal opportunity". For example, over 80% of black people would have to move if we were to completely desegregate our neighborhoods in America. And how are school districts largely funded? Property tax. Which means, with large concentrations of blacks in poor urban areas, the schools located in those areas will also be poorly funded. Which means not all kids receive the same education. Which means their general life chances are different. One kid grows up having access to computers and up to date textbooks while the other is using outdated books and has no technology at his school. Which one do you think will get accepted into college? This is an example of what I mean when I say that America is not "equal opportunity" or that there is no "free market". The reality is, some people have better chances than others at making a good life. Hard work doesn't always pay off.

There is a huge myth in American that poor people are lazy and it's their own fault. Yet, empirical research shows that people on welfare largely prefer work to welfare, and the majority of those receiving welfare are indeed working. Welfare scams are the exception to the rule, not the norm. (This citation is both thanks to my text, plus numerous other places. One interesting article online is here.)

I by and large believe that inequality is a result of the structure of our social institutions, not the result of individual character or work ethic. And here's the thing, when you travel globally (outside of business), your life changes. Things aren't simple anymore. You see the poverty and the crap and you suddenly realize that you are a part of the cause and you realize that it's not about being a world power anymore, and it's not about being an economic leader anymore. And humanity is infinitely more connected than you ever realized.

Here's an example of what I'm talking about with different world views - our friend, Rex, in the Philippines, literally grew up on a trash dump called Smokey Mountain. A few years ago, the government there did some sort of land grant and built "condo" type places for the people who were living on the landfill. Now, Rex and his family live in a one room "condo", sleep on the cement floor at night with a few cardboard boxes, and just generally struggle with paying for food or other necessities. Recently, we received an e-mail from him. He wanted to write us to make sure that we were okay because he had heard about the economic crisis in the States and he was worried about us. Experiences like that make all these giant abstract ideas like "free trade" suddenly personal. It's people just like Rex who are affected by trade agreements or by what we as individuals buy when we go to the store. "Free trade" isn't always free to those on the other end.

In reality, our wealth means someone else's exploitation.

Which brings me to another point - many people criticize Obama for wanting to "spread the wealth" around or for wanting to "take from the rich and give to the poor". And, I'm sorry, but when I think about people like Rex, I can't help but think that that is exactly what this world needs. If me having a little less, or paying a little more for a t-shirt or for my groceries means someone like Rex has a fighting chance of decent living standards - things as basic as food, housing, and clean water, then give me less and charge me more. I don't see any issues with spreading wealth in order for basic human rights to be met - whether that be health care in America or food on the table in Africa. If those basic human needs are met globally, then by all means, deregulate, fight it out and let capitalism run its course. But if we are going to play that game, then let's at least make "free trade" truly free and ensure that people really do have equal opportunity.

Sous Chefs

I was thinking about baking something tonight, and guess who wanted to help.

Horton insisted that we make the cinnamon rolls on page 238...


which made Abe very put off because he had a craving for scones.


We finally decided on muffins and all was well.

Jesse

My brother and sister-in-law weren't incredibly pleased with their wedding photos (Plus, it rained that day, so they weren't able to do outdoor photos as originally planned.) So, they asked Jesse to take some for them. And as always, the man does good work. These are a few of my favorites so far as I am editing.




I think this last one might be my favorite favorite.

Another Favor

I need to do a data analysis assignment, which means I need some data! If you feel like helping me out, follow the link below, take one (or both) of the tests, and then post your results in the comments section (and if you post an anonymous comment with your results, that is fine, but just please state your gender and race with it since I will need that data - or you can e-mail me if you'd rather not post your data in the comments section). Each test only takes a couple minutes. They are really quick.

There are 2 "implicit association" tests here - one about gender and one about race. Each is designed to uncover hidden biases. (Don't worry about sounding racist or sexist if you get high results...the majority of people will reveal some sort of bias.) For me, I show a "strong" bias for associating males with careers and females with family (which sucks for a feminist!!), and I show a "slight" preference for European Americans over African Americans. So there you have it, there are my unconscious biases.

Click here to go to the tests.

Just General Stuff

I can hardly believe October is already winding down. The holidays are sneaking up on me. Pretty soon, I will have to get all of our Christmas decorations out of the attic. Cold weater has a strange way of making me think about house projects. I guess summer keeps me busy outside, so I think about yard projects, then when it gets cold, I start looking around for what else we can do inside. I think the next two projects on the list are new windows and converting the garage to another bed/bath (and then eventually moving the driveway as well). Of course, whether or not either of those get done in the next year depends on how our tax return comes out... However, if early February rolls around and I start blogging about what home project we are going to do, please call me names and leave me dirty notes in the comments section. We promised ourselves we'd wait to do any house project/spend tax refunds until we know for sure what I am doing about grad school. Which makes sense. But it's not very fun.

Anyway, speaking of grad school and job stuff, it looks like Jesse may not be taking a leave of absence after all. When he applied for it, they were saying yes definitely, and then the various supervisors either misfiled the paperwork, or just ignored the request all together, and getting follow up has been really difficult... it's been nearly a month that we've been waiting, and in the meantime, two other employees have quit, which means they are now short on staff going into a major travel season, and it's unlikely they'll be willing to approve a leave. Who knows... it's not the most organized place in the world, but at this point, we are just kind of assuming the leave isn't going to happen, which pretty much puts us back where we started.

As for my job, it's going pretty well. I've been doing a lot of graphic design work as of late, which is always fun. I think I may try to pick up something alongside my regular job and work seasonally as well though. Discounts for Christmas shopping and a little extra cash sounds like a good plan to me. Although I don't really have much retail experience, so we'll see if anyone will hire me!

Horton's rash is finally going down. This vet decided to give him the pill version instead of the shot because the dosage could be better controlled. He still has a few more days on them. The vet listed/warned us about various side effects the pills may have, and I'm glad she did, because otherwise I might be a bit worried. For one, he pees all the time on these pills. And he is also much more excitable than usual, which has been interesting. A couple weeks ago, we had started a little exercise routine together (as in, I do jumping jacks or sit ups while watching tv, and Horton thinks it looks like fun, so he trots all around me and wags his tail all happy and I tell him good boy.) It's generally been fun, but since he started the pills, it has become too much fun for him (as in he tries to hump me while I exercise). The pills are basically straight steroids, so I guess it all makes sense, but needless to say, until the pills are out of his system, I exercise alone.

Abe is just his ancient self. I think he might be starting to lose bladder control now too. Mainly in the mornings, after he's been holding it all night, he tries to make it outside, but it's been getting harder for him. You just clean it up and go on... not much else you can do. You can tell that he is trying and that he knows where he is supposed to go, but his body just won't cooperate sometimes. All in all though, he still seems to be happy and mentally alert, so as long as he isn't in pain, then we are good. He does tug on my heart though. I just tell God all the time that I can't handle ever having to choose whether or not to put him down, so I ask that when it's his time, he can just go peacefully in his sleep, knowing that I love him and it's okay to let go.

Okay, let's think about happy things now.

Thanksgiving and Christmas are on their way. I got to wear a scarf twice this week. I heart Obama and elections are coming up. The house is clean. I have a bag of Dove dark chocolate. Mmmm. The leaves are so pretty. I could have a big cup of chai this evening. Jesse was super awesome to me all week long and gave me all kinds of fun surprises like notes and fall candles. All the leftover ham from Canadian Thanksgiving is finally gone. We have a new furnace that runs so much better than the old one. We got our "mini replica" brick that looks like our real brick that is going into the fountain at the U of N. And best of all, that gives us a really good excuse to someday go back to Kona. =) Ahhhh...life is good.

A Favor

If you are reading this and you have a free minute, I would be super happy and very grateful if you would click on the link below, which will send you to a contest for America's favorite animal shelter. Cast a vote for "Friends of Parkville Animal Shelter". The shelter with the most votes gets some cash. Friends of Parkville Animal Shelter (aka: FOPAS) is the shelter that I walk dogs at and I love this place so much! No kill shelter that is almost 100% volunteer run. Those pups get walks every single morning and every single evening, every single day of the year, and receive full medical care, no matter how major. I have never seen a shelter that takes such good care of the animals before. (Also, here's another plug for anyone who lives in the area - if you ever have old blankets, sheets, or bath towels that you need to get rid of, the shelter can really use them.) Anyway, click and vote and thank you thank you!

Are You Kidding Me!?!

Props to Dale for this video clip.

I don't even know what to say about this - seriously just disturbing ignorance on too many levels to count.



And poor John McCain. If his running mate didn't make his campaign look ignorant enough, it seems his supporters will gladly finish that job. (Not that McCain did himself any favors by implying that Arabs aren't decent family men.)

Surely humanity must be better than this. When will people get it - we are all the same....the exact same.

Better Late Than Never

We finally had our Thanksgiving! Jesse is feeling a lot better, but still has another week or so before his cough is totally gone. Anyway, I put the camera on the table in the living room to remind myself to take some pictures while people were here... and then I forgot all about it. But, we did snap a couple "before" and "after" pictures at least.

Me setting the table... Jesse wearing as much Canadian propaganda as possible. Also, showing me the Canadian themed drinks we bought - Molsen Canadian, and some wine brand called 3 moose because we thought that was a fun, Canadiany kind of name (or at least I did).
Throughout the afternoon, Jesse had a lot of drinks, and then later on, he and another friend busted out the whiskey. After everyone left, I was teasing him, and saying that I was surprised he wasn't feeling (or acting) loopy at all. I told him that I needed him to walk a line for me and touch his nose, at which point he immediately started stumbling around and acting like a drunk, so this is him giving me his best drunk pose. Anyway, for the record, he seemed more buzzed when he and his mother shared some world class margaritas one time when she down visiting.
To all our Canadian family and friends, wish we could have celebrated with you here as well!

Just Every Day Stuff

Well, we are not eating yummy Thanksgiving food with friends right now as planned. Jesse has bronchitis, so we decided to reschedule for next weekend. We also found out he is allergic to cefuroxime (an antibiotic). On top of bronchtis, he is now also itching with a rash thanks to the reaction. So, no bactrim for me and no cefuroxime for him... I should write that down somewhere so I don't forget. Anyway, Jesse has been pretty much confined to the couch for the last few days. I have been making Redbox runs for him and today I cleaned the house, washed all the bedding, and went crazy with the Lysol.

Sickness has been the big event as of late...otherwise, not really much to blog about. They came and installed the new furnace, so the house is officially ready for winter now (though I don't think I am). We also went and ordered some new glasses for Jesse before his vision plan at work runs out. They should be in sometime this week. We still don't really know what is going on with his leave of absence. We just know he should definitely be able to get it, but we don't know when it starts or for how long it is approved for.

Horton is sitting by me, and like Jeses, he is also covered in a rash. Poor dog. We think he may have developed a new allergy because we are having trouble figuring out what is setting this round off. I think we will have to get him a cortisone shot. We try not to do that when he breaks out, but if it goes on for too long or gets really bad, it seems to be the only thing that can bring him relief. He has started itching his hair off in some spots and I feel so bad for him. Abe has to go in for his annual shots this month anyway, so I am going to take them both to the vet this week.

I had finals on Thursday, so I have this coming week off and then it's back for the Fall II semester. Only 3 of these mini-semesters left. That's good stuff.

Well, I guess that's about all of the stuff happening around here. Maybe next post will be more exciting.

My First Ever Political Rally

Tonight, I went to my first political rally. Michelle Obama was in town, so I wanted to hear her speak. It was an interesting experience. I was surprised that as they began, a singer came out and her first song was something about "praise the Lord, praise the Lord"...and then next came some song from camp that I don't care for the tune all that much, you know that song, "You came from heeeeaven to earth...to shooooowwwwww the way...from the cross to the grave, from the grave to the sky, Lord I lift your name on high" - that one. Anyway, religious marketing at its finest in my opinion. Then came little talks by local politicians, which were in all honesty, pretty lame because they were all just hype and very little fact or anything. Then of course, the pledge of allegiance and the national anthem, and then a prayer, which was also some very fine religious marketing, as the reverend prayed to the Lord and mentioned "all of the people from different religions" and something about us all being "God's people". I just thought it was really ironic that everything had a decidely "Christian" tone, but this little phrase thrown in there made the people happy. To me, it seemed more insulting to those who don't believe in Christianity that someone would even act like it would be okay to have such blatently Christian things and then pretend as if it's actually representing all belief systems, because it clearly wasn't. Anyway, I was getting kind of miffed over it all, because there was just no substance it seemed like - it was like hoorah hoorah blah blah blah.

Then finally Michelle Obama came out, and thank God she did, because it would have been a cheap experience otherwise. I enjoyed her speech, and she seemed to be one of the only sincere things within miles. She offered a nice mix of personal experience and facts during her speech, and my personal favorite part was when a lady up toward the stage passed out and Michelle Obama just totally stopped the speech and was like "We've got a lady down here! Can we get an EMT and some water?!" and after all the commotion, the lady must have been okay, and Michelle Obama offered some humor about how many times she's fallen over to make the lady feel better. Anyway, while I heard the speech loud and clear, I could barely see a thing besides the back of the people's heads that were in front of me. I wasn't really too far from the main stage, but being only 5'2 (on a good day) didn't really help me out any. I think at one point, I may have seen Michelle Obama's shoulder. I am pretty sure that had I stayed at the rally after her speech, I would have been able to see her up close and personal as she was mingling with the crowd, but I didn't really want to stick around too much later because I was hungry and my back hurt from standing the whole time. Wimp, I know.

Anyway, here's a few pics, though they just basically show a crowd...which is what I stared at for two and a half hours...



Here, I was trying to get a shot of me in my political propaganda for Jesse because he so thoughtfully bought me this shirt. But, I didn't really get much of the shirt in there...I tried a couple times and then stopped because I felt stupid taking pictures of myself. But, for the record, I am wearing some very fine political propaganda.
So, final concensus - would I attend another rally? Yes, but I'd show up late so that I could skip the hype and go straight to the main event.

Help me...

So, this year for Canadian Thanksgiving, I asked Jesse if he would want me to throw a dinner party with some friends to celebrate, and I think that is the plan. Not everyone that we are inviting knows each other though, and I don't want there to be any awkward/weird silences or just general weird lame party tension. So, I'm trying to think of ideas that would prevent that all together, or at the very least, be a back up should the feared silence fall on us. I'm thinking about things like easy to play games that help you get to know people (i.e. not board games, but more like ice breaker games, but not like youth group ice breaker games, know what I mean?) or favors that reveal something about the person...things like that. So, with that being said - anyone have any ideas???