Music from Lifehouse and lots of painting

This was the summer of 2001. I painted my all time favorite painting that summer and wanted to post it, but it's packed away in who knows what box from our move. This one has similar coloring though, and was done around the same time, so it will have to do for now. That summer was probably the most profound for both my art life and spiritual life. I had a lot going on, and really questioned the very existence of God. It ended up being that art was the only way I felt any connection with God, and in a desperate attempt to not lose all contact, I would stay up until 2 or 3 in the morning painting. Ironically, I never felt disappointed in the artwork, even if it was awful. Just to be able to do it was enough. And, even more ironic, although at the time I felt dead and extremely distant from God, I sometimes wish I could go back to that place. Looking back, I now see how very close God was to me, an intimacy that I miss terribly, although I didn't even know I had it at the time. I raged against Him and pelted Him with questions. He never defended Himself, and although I thought perhaps He had left me for good, turns out He was there all along. My Lifehouse cd brings me back to that place. It was the theme of my life at the time and seemed to perfectly echo my thoughts. Below are the lyrics to one of the songs on the cd:

I'm finding my way back to sanity again
Though I don't really know what
I'm going to do when I get there
Take a breath and hold on tight
Spin around one more time
And gracefully fall back to the arms of Grace

I am hanging on every word you say
And even if you don't want to speak tonight
That's alright, alright with me
'Cause I want nothing more than to sit
Outside heaven's door and listen to you breathing
Is where I want to be

I'm looking past the shadows
Of my mind into the truth and
I'm trying to identify
The voices in my head
God which one's you?
Let me feel one more time
What it feels like to feel
And break these calluses off me
One more time

'Cause I am hanging on every word you say
And even if you don't want to speak tonight
That's alright, alright with me
'Cause I want nothing more than to sit
Outside your door and listen to you breathing
Is where I want to be

I don't want a thing from you
Bet you're tired of me waiting
For the straps to fall
Off your table to the ground
I just want to be here now

'Cause I am hanging on every word you say
And even if you don't want to speak tonight
That's alright, alright with me
'Cause I want nothing more than to sit
Outside heaven's door and listen to you breathing
Is where I want to be

I am hanging on every word you say
And even if you don't want to speak tonight
That's alright, alright with me
'Cause I want nothing more than to sit
Outside heaven's door and listen to you breathing
Is where I want to be