Good Memories

This is South Point, and believe it or not, I jumped off this cliff a few times, right where that wooden board is (just up the distance from the red hoist).




I remember the first time, standing at the top, looking down and thinking a million things. I wonder how deep I will plunge into the water. I wonder how long it will take to swim back to the top. I wonder how strong those waves are. How can I be sure there are no rocks where I am jumping? What if there are sharks? Count to three and just do it. If you don't jump on three, you'll never jump. And then I counted to three and jumped, and when I stopped plunging downward in the water, I swam as fast and hard as I could back toward the top. I am not sure if I would do it again, as each passing year seems to make me keenly more aware of how very much I have, and as such, how very much I have to lose. It makes me not quite as adventerous as I once was, which may be a good thing. At the same time, in my current life of working, taking care of the house, and going to school, I miss the adventure. I want another risk. Not necessarily one that involves jumping off cliffs, but just a little excitement would be nice. Since I was 18, I moved every year, (at least once, if not more), except for the past 2 or so years. Maybe somewhere in all the moving and changing, I somehow became slightly addicted to the thrill of starting new.

I don't know what all the future holds. I know things will be changing this spring once I graduate, and I know what I want the changes to be, but I don't know if they are the changes that will actually happen or if they are the changes God wants. I know I will feel a sense of let down should my hopes not happen, as to me they seem exciting and full of adventure and the alternative seems so ho hum.

I don't know what "settling down" really means. And I'm not talking location necessarily. I just mean life in general. It seems like I do everything I can, whether consciously or unconsciouly, to prevent whatever "settling down" is, from happening to me. Maybe part of why I avoided college for so long was because I associate it with the settling. And now that I'm coming up on graduation in a few months, I'm worried that life will sit me down and finally tell me my adventures are over.

And I don't want them to be over.