thelongestrantever....

Can I just say that I am glad summer is ending? This has been a hard summer. I seriously think I had a quarter-life crisis. Let's recap here...realizing I don't want to get a PhD in psychology after all, which means majoring in psychology for a bachelor's doesn't really get me anywhere further than where I can get without a degree, so my degree is somewhat pointless but I have taken out too many loans and gotten too deep in to quit, so I ponder changing majors, but that would mean going to school in person and maybe having to quit my job, which let's face it, is really a dead end job anyway, but it pays great for while I'm in school, gives me good hours, and I have a generous and kind boss and like the people, regardless, I had various meetings with schools about changing my major, of which I finally now for this week at least have it narrowed down to two options, which I won't publicly say, because let's face it, I'm flaky and I want to do something different every month if not every week, I had surgery and beforehand was slightly wondering if I was going to die, because my life seems to have lost all purpose and direction this summer, lo and behold, I'm still alive, and everyone gives me the advice that if I want to be successful and happy in life I should just follow my passion, but apparently, this summer, I have no passion, so that advice really stinks for a person in my position, they say if money were no object, what would you do all day, that's what you should pursue, well what if I'd buy a big lot of land and have an orchard and five dogs and bake and sometimes pretend that I am going to learn to sew and make cool things, but then I'd get out my sewing machine and have to measure fabric and I'd get frustrated that I cut it too short, but I don't want to remeasure so I'd sew it together anyway and it would be lopsided in the end and unfit for use of any kind, then a week later, I'd probably repeat all of this with something like woodworking, you can't really make a career out of that, ya know, so maybe I should just follow what I know I am good at, truth is, I can out organize anyone, and I am a frickin awesome administrator, but really, who wants to work at some company administrating if you don't even care about their bottom line, so I stay in school plugging away because none of the future life makes sense except that I hope someday we don't have think twice before buying new underwear because we don't know if we really can afford it or not, and it's so depressing that most of my underwear have my name written in them, it's true, because they are so old, I had them when we went to Nicaragua, and the laundry was community laundry, so if you really wanted to keep tabs on your panties, which believe me you sure do in a place like that, then you need to have a definitive marker, and really after being removed from that situation, it's slightly hard on the ego to slap on a pair of undies that have your name written in permanent marker across the butt, and my dog is sick, my poor big Abe dog is sick, and my poor little Horton dog has broken out with yet another rash and is eating his butt as we speak, and this is really my life, which I happen to somewhat enjoy, because really, I'm not a high fashion high life kind of girl, and there is something cute and lovable in the way my dog licks his butt and doesn't care if all the world sees, nonetheless, I am concerned that my big boy Abe is aging faster than my little heart can handle and I can't bear the thought of him living in pain, so I made him a vet appointment tomorrow and hope to find out something good, although I don't know what, but I do know that I am glad I can drive our SUV doggie vehicle, which had the window smashed in by some nice person in the middle of the night two nights ago, which caused a big ruckus in the morning as Jesse was leaving for work, thankfully Jesse is stinking awesome and found a piece of glass at a scrapyard and fixed it himself instead of having to pay 200 something for someone else to do the labor, but that is just another thing on his plate that is probably near ready to crack under the pressure of everything else on it, BUT fall is here and a new season is coming, which means, I will buy new underwear. I will consider taking up knitting. I will redo another room in the house. I will brush my dogs and marvel as their furry winter coats grow big and soft, and I will relax with a cup of chai. So eat that, summertime.