Back Where We Began

An old friend randomly e-mailed me last week and she ended her e-mail with something along the lines of "Everything comes full circle, I think". Today, I went back and read some blog posts from Jan. 06, when I first started this blog, and lo and behold, everything really does come full circle. It's a long story, that probably doesn't make sense to anyone but me, but I am finally giving up and going back to art. (Well, sort of. I am only a couple classes away from completing all requirements for psychology, so I still plan to finish it out, but I have decided that come Spring semester, I will be taking classes in person and minoring in art. If I decide to double major, then so be it, but for now, let's just plan on the minor.) This has been years in the making, as for some reason, I have fought with everything in me to avoid art, and in some twisted way, avoid God. And I let my experience at the art institute serve as the perfect excuse to continue this wild get away. Well, He finally beat me...er, rather I finally realized I never even had a chance. I don't know why, but for years, I have told Him that I should be a doctor instead of an artist. And I have all but reamed Him a new one for "burdening me" with art. And for a stubborn idiot like myself, it takes near death for me to give in. There is a verse that talks about "in your faithfulness you have afflicted me", and while I don't believe God ever causes death, disease, pain, on his children, I do believe He will cringe, and stand by as we destroy our very souls. And so for the last who knows how long, He has been faithfully cringing as I bring destruction into my own life, wondering how many weights I will lift until the barbell comes crashing down onto my chest and stops my breathing, finally realizing that it is going to take someone bigger, much bigger, and someone stronger, much stronger, to lift it all off and let me breathe again. So, I don't know what I will do with art. I don't know how we will pay the bills if my school schedule conflicts with my job schedule. I don't know that it's really a practical degree. I don't even know if I will like it. But, I do know I'm tired and I'm ready to stop running.