How to Install A Kitchen Floor

Step One - Try to think of any project that would help you avoid cleaning the house.
Step Two - Decide installing kitchen floors counts.
Step Three - Begin removing wood reducer between dining area and kitchen.
Step Four - Realize using a screwdriver to pry is only cracking the reducer.
Step Five - Rummage through husband's tool chest and decide a chisel is the closest thing to a pry bar that you own.
Step Six - Remove dog's butt from reducer.
Step Seven - Grunt while trying to pry up reducer and cheer loudly when it finally plucks up and makes you fall onto your bum.
Step Eight - Stare at fridge, wondering where you can move it to that will allow it to stay plugged in.
Step Nine - Grab an extension cord to use to plug in the fridge.
Step Ten - Realize you are stupid for using an extension cord on a large appliance.
Step Eleven - Unplug extension cord and move fridge into new spot.
Step Twelve - Vacuum and sweep floor.
Step Thirteen - Grab mop bucket and realize it still has dirt in it from when you were using it to pull weeds. Decide kitchen sink will do.
Step Fourteen - Begin mopping floor. Move oven to mop under it. Regret that you were so messy when installing a new back splash and begin picking up chunks of grout and mastic.
Step Fifteen - Wait for the floor to dry and wonder what the heck you were thinking in beginning this project alone. Wish your dogs knew how to administer Swedish massage.
Step Sixteen - Realize you forgot to remove baseboard trim. Refrain from cursing when you break it in the middle.
Step Seventeen - Mop floor again after dogs have walked across it with muddy paws.
Step Eighteen - Begin with first tile. Realize you put it on slightly crooked and desperately try to straighten it despite the strong adhesive.
Step Nineteen - Continue until you need to score. Dig through garage looking for utility knife. Give up and decide kitchen shears will do just as well.
Step Twenty - Bend your fingernail back as you are trying to break a tile where you scored. Pause and cringe face.
Step Twenty One - Reach behind you to grab a new tile and realize the dog is standing on your pile. Kick dogs outside.
Step Twenty Two - Finish laying tiles and nail trim back in.
Step Twenty Three - Grunt loudly lifting the edge of the fridge back onto the slight incline you've created with the tiles.
Step Twenty Four - Sit in the corner admiring your hard work.
Step Twenty Five - Realize the house still needs to be cleaned.